(on media figures who anonymously panned Will in a magazine article) [They] are just pussy-ass, coward-ass, sissified pussies!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[broadcasting] During Tea Party rallies and campaign speeches, we have been told that America was founded as a Christian nation, and that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they'd tell us so. Here's John Adams in the Treaty of Tripoli: "As the Government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..." And here's Thomas Jefferson: "... That our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions." And here's the First Amendment to the US Constitution: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." What's more frightening than the perversion of our great history is that sensible, smart, strong Republicans, the very men and women who should be standing up to radical fundamentalism, are so frightened of losing Primary battles to religious zealots that they've thrown in the towel on sanity. So we get this:
[cuts to a video of John McCain]
JMJohn McCain
Yes, the - the Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation.
[Back to Will]
It's ironic, because the biggest enemy of the phoney Republican isn't Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid or Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. It's this man. [a picture of Jesus flashes on the screen behind him] He said to heal the sick, feed the hungry, care for the weakest among us, and always pray in private.
[On the Tea Party's policies]
Ideological purity. Compromise as weakness. A fundamentalist belief in scriptural literalism. Denying science. Unmoved by facts. Undeterred by new information. A hostile fear of progress. A demonization of education. A need to control women's bodies. Severe xenophobia. Tribal mentality. Intolerance of dissent and a pathological hatred of the US government. They call themselves the 'Tea Party'. They can call themselves 'Conservatives', and they can even call themselves 'Republicans', though Republicans certainly shouldn't. But we should call them what they are - The American Taliban. And the American Taliban cannot survive if Dorothy Cooper is allowed to vote.
Sorority girl!
[to Jennifer] Don't be scared.
You're the girl, right?
I'm Jennifer Johnson.
Just graduated Northwestern?
Stay calm.
A year early.
You asked me that moronic question and then my world came apart and she came here and I landed in the tabloids and I got death threats and my job is constantly in jeopardy and you ruined my life?
Again, just stay calm.
Yes, that was me.
What the hell are you doing here?
I'm applying for an internship.
Why?
I watch the show and I read the "New York Magazine" article and I know what a greater fool is. And I want to be one.
"Camelot"- she's the kid at the end of "Camelot." Ask me again.
I'm sorry?
Ask me your idiot question again.
What makes America the greatest country in the world?
[To Jennifer] You do. [To Mac] Hire her.
Fourteen months ago you went on the air and called the Tea Party the American Taliban.
I did.
And?
The Taliban resented it.
Hey, money skirt!
The day will come when we have an HR rep who cares what goes on on this floor. And on that day, sir, I will dance upon your grave.
Reciting stock quotes and wearing a skirt?
How much time do I have to formulate a comeback?
That was it. The first thing out of your mouth is the comeback - you wasted yours on a question about comebacks. [pause] Fantasy football draft starts in 10 minutes.
I know. I'm the commissioner.
Your parents must be proud.
They are. I was elected unanimously.
You were unopposed - just like when you were elected class treasurer.
That was an important job.
It wasn't.
Why does it have to be like this?
Because you're a nerd and I'm a nerd and you make nerds look bad.
No, I make nerds look good.
Excuse me.
He'll be out in a minute.
I'll come back.
Do I know you?
I'm Jenna Johnson. I just started as an intern.
You look familiar.
[emerging from bathroom] Say "Why is America the greatest country in the world?"
[sighs] Why is America the greatest--
You're the sorority girl!
That's what I'm most famous for.
[to Will] You hired her?
I'm benevolent.
[to Jennifer] There are eight Broadway musicals that have won the Pulitzer Prize for drama. In five minutes, I need you to name them, the composer, lyricist, librettist, and source material, if any.
I need your--
Go.
[Johnson leaves]
You make the interns learn musical theater history?
You’re welcome, America.
I don't think there's an immoral way to kill terrorists.
There's an illegal way and we're doing it.
I don't care.
'Cause you were taken off the 9/11 anniversary coverage?
Yes!
I knew you were upset.
Of course I'm-- Are you kidding me? I'm flipping out! - Holy shit, Mac. What the fuck did I do?
I know. It feels bad.
I used to be exactly the person that you wanted to see in these moments.
I know.
I don't mean the old days. Like a year ago.
You still are.
I remind people of the enemy? Jesus!
Every blond-haired guy from Nebraska reminds people of Muslim extremists. There's nothing you can do.
Don't try to make me laugh.
You can blame it all on me.
If there was a way to blame it on you, don't you think I would have done that by now? I've got Roger Daltrey screaming, "You better, you better, you bet" in my ear.
When I was little, I asked my uncle how much a lawyer costs. He said if it's bad, 300 pounds. If it's really bad, 400 pounds. And if it's really bad and you're guilty... How much do you cost?
$1,500 an hour.
JDJerry Dantana
I need to tell you a story Cyrus West told me last night after the panel.
Cyrus West question mark? Hmm, ellipses.
JDJerry Dantana
I booked a bad guest. How long do you guys give people shit in New York?
Ask A-Rod.
If it goes to voice mail after two rings, they saw your name and sent you to voice mail.
Really?
Four rings they're not there, two rings they don't wanna talk to you.
All right, I have to retrace my entire life now.
Look, I'm trying real hard to care the Al-Awlaki is dead, but I-
I don't care that he's dead. I care that we killed him. Without a trial, or anything resembling due process.
You can't switch teams, declare your intention to kill as many Americans as possible, and not expect to be treated as an enemy of the state.
And you can't be found to be an enemy of the state without a trial.
John Dillinger said the problem with living outside the law is that you no longer have the protection of it.
That doesn't sound like Dillinger.
Yeah, it may have been someone else.
Federal Agents tried to arrest Dillinger coming out of a movie theater, and when he pulled a gun, they shot him. They didn't hit the theater with a rocket.
Al-Awlaki was the head of AQAP. He doesn't get read Miranda. I don't give a shit what his passport says.
You don't.
And you know all those times the two of you ask me why I'm a Republican, as if that's something that needs an explanation?
I don't know what the hell you're on about...
I have never heard either of you ask anyone why they're a Democrat. Well it's right here. The purposeful suspension of common sense.
Treason is a crime, you have to be found guilty of it before you can be punished.
Anwar Al-Awlaki was killed today. It wasn't an accident. There was no warrant, no arrest, no arraignment, no judge, no jury, and no appeal.
OOfficer
How do you spell...?
Not here. A US citizen was targeted. Another on death row for the crime of not being able to afford a good lawyer. And a bunch more have been locked up for wearing Halloween masks. So obviously what I'm doing is dealing with the easiest one!
Prison really changes a man. You get a lot of thinking done.
TTamara
How long were you in there?
About an hour. Hour and 15 minutes. It's slow time.
Isn't it enough that they love you? They'd walk into fire for you.
For you.
For you. I'm usually the one setting the fire.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.