You know who that is don't ya?
Sounds like Jimmy Savile
[Rodney glares at Trigger]
Jimmy Savile? That is our mother
Sorry Del Boy. Dave.
[scornfully] Jimmy Savile.
That's right bruv. Cheek.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Del and Alan are discussing Rodney and Cassandra's upcoming wedding.]
AAlan
You don't like those sort of surroundings, do you? I mean, champagne, caviar, country clubs...
Oh no, Alan, I hate it, I hate it, all put on. I mean, them people just do things for effect.
[Mike arrives with a small scotch for Alan and a very elaborate, exotic looking cocktail for Del (it's more like a floral tribute).]
Listen, I’ve er heard of the Driscoll brothers Del but I’ve never seen them. What do they look like?
Well one of them looks like he was evicted from The Planet of the Apes
Yeah, and the other one reminds me of Cliff Richards
What, he looks er younger than his years?
No, he’s got one of those faces that you wanna slap
[to Mickey and Jevon, after learning the Driscoll brothers are after him thanks to them] If I end up propping up a flyover on the M26, I guarantee you two will be at the next junction!
[The Driscoll Brothers arrive at the Nag's Head.]
Boycie, how nice!
Hello Danny. Your brother not with you?
Yeah. (Tony pops out from behind him)
Oh watcha Tony. Drink?
TTony
Nah! That right, Marlene's up the spout?
Yeah.
Dear dear dear. You let us know the minute you find out who done it and we'll sort him out.
Del Boy around?
No, I ain't seen him this evening.
Well that's funny his van's in the car park and what's this? A castella and a Malibu Reef? You sure he ain't around. Think hard, Guv'nor.
Well he may have been in earlier and then he left.
I see, you just had this place decorated?
(proudly) Yeah.
Shame. I want to buy everyone in the pub a drink, whatever they want. Now there's a pound, and I want change.
Large cognac, please, Michael.
TTony
You owe us £2000. You got the money?
Course I ain't. I ain't sold the phones yet have?
Don't give me all that Derek. Them two munchkins Ebony and Ivory took the phones off us three months ago.
Three months? I didn't know that Danny.
Do you think we're stupid? (Del doesn't answer) Do you think I'm stupid? If you don't cough up that two grand I'm gonna take his collar and lead off and let him loose on you! (Tony grins at Del menacingly)
When Tony and me were kids, we was very very poor. Our old man used to work in on of them old mansion houses. He worked from 6 in the morning til 8 at night and what for? A pittance.
TTony
A shilling a day and an horseshit sandwich.
One day, there was a robbery at the mansion, and the Bill arrested our old man and there wasn't any evidence was there?
TTony
Just finger prints.
Just finger prints.
TTony
And eye witnesses.
A Couple of eye witnesses. They found the jewels on him.
TTony
It was a plant.
I didn't know Rodney's middle name was Charlton.
Oh yeah, it was me mum. She was a fan.
Oh what, Charlton Heston?
No, Charlton Athletic.
You don't like baseball, you always called it "silly boys rounders".
Yeah, that's before i knew that it was in, now-a-days it's the kinda game that guys like me and Steven enjoy
SSteven
What do you mean "Guys like me and Steven"?
Well, yuppies.
SSteven
Yupp... Derek, I am not a yuppie!
You are Steven.
SSteven
No, no I'm...
No take it from me son, you are!
Brandy please, Pamela.
PPamela
Armagnac?
Yeah, that'll do fine if you're out of Brandy.
And Africa is where it's at. Recently Joanne and I spent little time down in Afrique sur-mer.
Fabrique belgique.
[Del, Rodney, Uncle Albert, Cassandra, her parents and her boss, Stephen, are playing Trivial Pursuit.]
What is a female swan called?
[Albert hints that it's a three-letter word; Rodney rattles a Biro in his mouth.]
Got it. It's a bic.
JJevon
(while Del is handing out sandwiches on the coach) You've got to give Del his dues, ain't ya? He did all the catering by himself.
Oh, leave off Jevon, can you imagine Del Boy standing in the kitchen cutting up all them loaves? He probably got some idiot to do it for him.
No, I made them for him. (Mickey nods at Jevon, to prove his point.)
(annoyed that he wasn't asked by Del to make the sandwiches) Oi.
(who is halfway down the coach aisle, taking the sandwich crate to Mike, as Denzil, the previous man responsible for them, has admitted to an ear infection) Yes?
I want a word with you.
Yeah, what is it, Sid?
I run a cafe, right?
(looks around) Yeah, right, so what?
So why didn't you ask me to make the sandwiches?
Well, the explanation is simple. We intend to eat them.
(clearly hurt) Oh. All right. (He puffs on his cigarette.)
Alright then. (He leaves.)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.