(to Boycie when Arnie has his "heart attack" in the restaurant) It's Arnie, he's having a Connery!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[When Arnie collapses from his "heart attack".]
Don't panic. I am a doctor. Stand aside, stand aside, let the dog see the rabbit. (checks Arnie's pulse) Oh yes, very nasty he needs an operation. (searches Arnie's pockets for the key to his handcuff)
OWOld Woman
He's not a doctor. He's mugging the poor man.
[A large Greek man steps forward and grabs Boycie by the lapels.]
Oi!
GMGreek Man
You... (punches Boycie on the nose)
OWOld Woman
Call the police.
RMRestaurant Manager
Yes madam, I call the police.
It's all right they'll be no need. I am an officer of the law.
WWoman
(looking at Del's height) Policemen are taller than that.
I'm a small town policeman. All right sunshine you are knicked. (grabs Boycie and takes him out of the restaurant) Come on, out you go! Rest assured madam when we get him down the police station, we'll give him a bloody good hiding. Come on you!
(to Arnie's sons, Gary and Stephen) Wotcha fellas!
What's happening?
Get in! (before climbing into back of the ambulance behind Gary and Stephen and locking the doors).
(threatening to hurt Arnie with a set of vicious-looking bolt cutters) Calm down, Arnie, calm down! You'll give yourself a heart attack!
[Albert is forced to help Del out with carrying boxes of hooky gear since Rodney is at the Nag's Head with Cassandra.]
Bloody fair, innit? A young feller like Rodney stops off to have dinner with a bird and leaves the carrying to an old chap like me. (sets the box down, goes to the front door)
(under his breath, mocking Albert, while taking his coat off) They've got no respect these days.
They've got no respect these days. (hangs up his hat)
(under his breath, mocking Albert) You fought in the war, didn't you? (puts his coat on the back of a chair in front of the TV)
(hangs up his coat) I fought in the war, didn't I? I fought so that kids like Rodney could have freedom. (bends over to pick up a letter, straightens up) And what do they do with their freedom?
(under his breath, mocking Albert; Del walks away from the bar, with a tin of beer in his hand) Anything they bloody like!
(comes back to the living room) Anything they bloody like! (closes the door behind him)
(Del drinks some beer.)
Oh, I unpacked that box and put some of the shirts in the suitcase with it. (notices the letter Albert has) Oh, is that for me?
(approaches Del) No, it's addressed to Rodney.
Oh, well. (puts his beer down) Same thing. (laughs briefly as he takes the letter from Albert)
[Del, Rodney, and Cassandra have arrived in Spain.]
Hang on a minute, just before you go and check in - this prize ain't quite as straightforward as it seems.
Well he did win, didn't he?
[Rodney is staring, distracted, at all the other winners]
Oh yes, yes, he won and all that, and it's all pukka and above board, and we're here...
So what's the problem?
That's strange, you know.
What?
Well, I noticed it on the plane, but it didn't sort of register. They're all mums and dads - they've all got their kids with them.
What's strange about that?
Well, except for me, right, all the winners are parents.
No, it's not the parents that are the winners, Rodney... It's the kids.
What do you mean?
Well Rodney's painting won first prize... in an under 15 year old category.
(stunned) Say again?
So they think Rodney's 15?!
Is that right?
No. They think you're 14.
14? (to Cassandra) They think I'm 14!!!
[Cassandra dissolves into giggles.]
Why didn't you tell me this back in England?
Well I thought it might cast a little cloud over the holiday. Look, Rodney, I sent your painting off in good faith. I didn't know there were lots of categories, but you're the one who wrote on it, "Rodney Trotter, aged 14 1/2", so the organisers must have put you in the kids category. So it's your fault, that you wrote on it.
But how was I to know that in 12 years' time, you were going to enter it into a cornflake competition?
Well how was I supposed to know that you'd win? Come on Rodney, it doesn't matter, you're going to waltz through it!
Waltz through it?! How the hell am I gonna pass for 14?!
[Cassandra is beside herself with laughter.]
(icily) Will you stop doing that, Cassandra?
(calming down) Sorry.
Act your age.
[This sets Cassandra off into an even bigger fit of laughter.]
(to Del) This is your fault. I am going to break your bloody neck!
Go on then, Rodney, off you go.
Eh?
Go on, you're going with the Groovy Gang!
I ain't going with the sodding Groovy Gang!
Sorry about the bad language, Cassandra.
What bad language?
(through the door to Del) GET IN HERE NOW, YOU DIPSTICK! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Del Boy, thanks to you, I am now a 26-year-old man who has come second in a skateboarding competition!
Second? You was in the lead when I saw you!
...I fell off.
There is nothing wrong with me, I just have normal pains.
When you cam in tonight you just flopped straight down in that chair in agony.
"You don't understand Unc, that is PMA!
I thought it was only women who got that?
No! Rodney that is PMP! PMA is positive mental attitude, It's the new buzz word, it's what all us yuppies get.
EPElsie Patridge
The spirits are with us. A man has stepped forward. A tall, elderly man wearing a black coat and a black hat. He wished to speak to someone called Audrey... No, no Aubrey.
Aubrey?
I am here.
Aubrey?
It's my middle name.
You never said your name was Aubrey.
Nor would you if your name was Aubrey.
This piece of paper. It's not a log book for a Cortina is it?
EPElsie Patridge
(to Boycie, about the ghost of his father) He says you must be a good father. You must look after your child.
Is he having a pop at me or something?
Elsie, Boycie and his wife Marlene can't have kids.
Yeah they've been trying for years but nitto.
Yeah he's had tests, things frozen, the lot.
The hospital have just about given up with him.
He's low on something.
(completely furious) Would you mind not discussing my personal life with strangers? You can tell my old man to keep his nose out of my business he was always going on at me for not giving him a grandchild.
All right calm down. (grins) Aubrey.
You can pack that in for a start. I'm gonna get a drink [He rises] It's all a load of rubbish anyway I never believed a word of it. [He considers] Excuse me.
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
You've got to make a decision, Mr Trotter: we can either save you or the baby.
Robbie Meadows, you old git.
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
Del please.
Sorry. Doctor Meadows, you old git. What you doing here?
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
I've got good news and bad news Del. The good news is they put me in charge of your case.
What's the bad news?
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
I specialise in amputation.
Good one. So how come you're in charge?
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
Accident really. I was chatting to some collegues when the name Derek Trotter came up, so I asked to see your GP's notes and look at your tests. I was amazed, I found myself reading about this non smoking, tee-total, celibate, vegetarian health freak. I thought to myself can this be the same Derek Trotter I know and begrudginly admire? That wheeling dealing Pina Colada lout, the Castella king, the curry coniseur, the same man who's lived his life on fast food, fried bread and doubtful women?
Was it?
RMDr. Robbie Meadows
Yeah it was.
[Elsie goes into a trance, leaning back, groaning and shutting her eyes.]
What's she doing?
She's going like this... (shuts his eyes, leans back and groans)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.