“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Munch

Dodge ball?! Haven't they outlawed this barbaric practice yet?

Fin

I loved this game.

Munch

Yeah, well, you were a sadist. You know, I literally weighed 98 pounds. I can still hear them, "Break the pencil!" I was a walking bruise.

Novak

Let's talk about the Tripley scam.

Well, that was April's lie. And I believed it.

Novak

We have the scrapbook.

Well, it's not as though he's an innocent victim, is it? He's a pedophile. He deserved it!

Novak

I'd just as soon clear this one off the books, so fill in the blanks and I won't charge you with the fraud counts related to it.

It sounds like you know everything already.

Novak

Crime lab found a hair in April's underwear.

During the party, I snuck into his room, and I took it from his hairbrush. When they asked me for the clothes she'd been wearing, I'd already planted it.

Novak

Do you have any idea how much damage you've caused?

But you agree with me! He deserved it!

Novak

He deserves to go to jail! Thanks to you, he can claim he's the victim of a false allegation every time a legitimate one comes up in the future!

Sorry.

Novak

I don't believe you. But you'll have a good long time to pay for it in prison.

We just made a deal.

Novak

I'm not charging her with fraud on Tripley. I'm charging her with fraud on the cancer scam.

Münchausen.

Novak

Bull! She's been working this for a year. Totaling all the bake sales, canister donations, and Internet solicitations, she's bilked people out of 60 grand!

What are you offering?

Novak

Not a thing. I'm taking you to trial.

Please! Please! Think of April! There is no one else to look after her!

Novak

You've gotta be kidding me! What you were doing nearly killed her! I'm charging you with fraud and attempted murder.

But you heard what she said! I'm sick!

Novak

No jury's that stupid. They'll see it wasn't Münchausen. Just pure unadulterated greed.

Fin

[of closeted black men] It's different for black men. They go out, have sex with other men, then come home, have sex with their woman, and pretend they're straight. [pause] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

Dr. Warner

I tested Jeff York's blood, high viral load. When did you 2 date?

Benson

5 years ago. We only slept together once, and we used protection.

Dr. Warner

Condoms are effective, not perfect. It only takes once.

Benson

I know; I'm gonna get tested. I just haven't had time.

Dr. Warner

Why don’t we do it here? Right now.

Benson

Melinda. I’ll do it.

Dr. Warner

Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?

Benson

All of them.

Dr. Warner

Would you tell them it’s alright to wait?

Benson

[long pause] OK.

Dr. Warner

Sit down and roll up your sleeve. No paperwork; I’ll do it myself.

A mistake?! That's the best you can say? We made a mistake?!

I'm sorry. I'll talk to the ADA, get you outta here right away.

[sarcastically] My hero.

I wanna make things right.

There's nothin' you can do.

I can try.

Can you bring Rebecca back to life?! Can you give me back my career?! [Cragen walks up to him] Get outta my face.

You're usin' again. Not even trying to hide it.

Makes the time go quicker.

You need to get cleaned. I can get you help.

[sits back down] Your help put me here.

You change your mind, you know where to find me. [to the guard] On the gate!

Who killed Rebecca?

Somebody who wanted to hurt you. Any ideas?

Besides NYPD, no. So, this guy rented a car like mine?

Yeah.

Where from?

A place on Houston. I'll keep you posted.

I won't hold my breath.

You gotta help me! He's crazy! He's gonna kill me!

I don't blame him! But let him go, Vega!

He killed Rebecca!

I didn't do anything to her! I swear!

Tell 'em what you did, or I'll blow your head off!

[tries to breathe] I killed her!

Why?! What she do to you?!

I loved her, but she told me she was marrying you. I went to her apartment and gave her one last chance. She blew it.

You're dead.

Put the gun down. You got your confession. You shoot him, you're dead. You kill him, you lose your daughter, too.

Gabrielle's better off without me!

She came to see me. She begged me to bring you home.

The only way I'm leavin' here is in a body bag!

Not if you let him live. He confessed to murder. He's finished. Let me help you.

Nobody can help me.

You're still thinkin' like a junkie. Fine. Go ahead, kill him. Show me you're still a murderer, too.

GUN!

Stabler

Christina brought him breakfast. He rapes her for lunch.

Why do you care if I live or die?

Munch

Because my father killed himself. When I was a kid... I thought it was my fault. The night before he blew his brains out, he punished me for being a wise-ass. I told him I hated his guts. Those were the last words I ever said to him... It haunts me to this day. You're the only person I've ever told.

Why me?

Munch

Because we're the same. I feel guilty; my father was suffering, I couldn't help him. You feel guilty, because of what you did to Christina. Please. I don't want you to die.

Dr. Huang

I looked at the autopsy photos of the first 3 victims. [Tosses rope to Stabler] Strangle me?

Stabler

[grinning] I'll try.

Dr. Huang

[hastily reaches for the rope] I'll hold the rope.

[opens his door to find Novak standing outside] What the hell do you want?

Novak

I'm so sorry to bother you at home, Judge Terhune, but it's urgent.

Well, I'm in the middle of something pretty important myself.

[from inside] Joe! Are you foldin' this hand?

No! [to Novak] Look. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon in. C'mon.

Novak

I just need your Honor's signature.

You just hit the jackpot, dearie.

[sits down at the table] I'm in. I believe you all know ADA Novak.

Novak

Judge Ridenour, Judge Petrovsky, Judge Wyler, Judge Bradley. I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked.

How charming.

Novak

Why did you tell the defendant to seek psychiatric help so this tragedy doesn't occur again?

She was upset.

Novak

Because it sounds like you think she really did poison her daughter.

It was a mistake! Is that what you want me to say, Miss Novak?! One mistake in almost 3 decades on the bench?!

Novak

Didn't you make another arguably bigger mistake when you wrongfully convicted Rosalin Silvo of murdering her daughter and sent her to prison for 10 years?!!

That's a totally separate issue, and completely immaterial to this case!

Novak

You can't object, Judge Taft.

But I can, Miss Novak. Get back to the case at hand.

Novak

Did you tell Karen Campbell to suffocate her daughter?

Absolutely not.

Novak

But you talked to her even though it was clearly improper.

It was a mistake!

Novak

You don't make mistakes, though. You make judgments! Who's innocent, who's guilty! You saw Rosalin Silvo, and she was a whore. That means she's a bad mother. And then you saw Karen Campbell. Why did you talk to her, judge?!

[to Judge Bradley] Your Honor!

Novak

Why talk to Karen Campbell?! Why talk to a woman that tried to murder her daughter?!

I didn't know!

Novak

Didn't know what?! That she'd turn around and try to do it again?!

I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!

[bangs gavel] That's enough! Miss Novak, try that again, and you're in contempt. [to Judge Taft] Sir, you will be, as well, if you don't sit down. Now.

[after Karen is convicted of her daughter's murder] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you've performed your duties admirably, and I thank you for your service. And may I say, for the record: This is a crime that could've been prevented. While this trial exemplifies the very best aspects of our legal system, it has also highlighted its flaws. It is my sincere hope that in the future, those flaws can be corrected. The defendant will be held over for sentencing. This court is adjourned. [bangs gavel]

Munch

Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."

Dr. Huang

You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia...

Benson

Okay. Let's not go there.

Munch

[waits for the voyeur suspect to answer the door] If there's any poetic justice, we caught him in the bathroom.

$3,000 worth of damage to the car?

Stabler

What can I tell you? I zigged when I should have zagged.