King Solomon said, "Bring me a sword. Divide the living child in 2. Give half to one mother, half to the other."
Except I can't split the baby.
Solomon didn't have to.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Mrs. Osborne, we're gonna have to place you under arrest.
For what?
Conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
Go ahead. You'll see I'm right.
Michele, this has got to stop now, okay? We know everything. Anna was on the police report from your husband's accident. She died in the car with him.
No, they never found her remains.
Michelle, they were hit by a gasoline tanker. There was nothing left. I'm sorry. But you know what I'm telling you is the truth.
I know my daughter is alive!
Casey, you've got to plead her out.
Why would I do that?
Because what happened was a mistake.
Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.
Her little girl biologically!
But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.
Well, then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those 2 women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.
Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.
We found Jiao’s body buried under your whorehouse in Flushing.
RRicky
Check the property rules, Mrs. Chan owns that place, sweet old lady.
Grandma didn’t slit Jiao’s throat.
RRicky
How do you know?
CCustoms Officer
We use to raid sweatshops every week for making phony handbags, designer jeans, even T- shirts, but since 9/11, we put all our manpower into DVDs.
Boot-leg movies pose a threat to national security?
OOfficer
When al-Qaeda’s selling them. Interpol raided a sleeper cell found 20,000 copies of The Lion King. Cheap to make, the profit margin’s higher then drugs and a hell of a lot less risky.
Using Mickey Mouse to fund terrorist attacks on America. What next?
BJB.J.
Do you wake up every morning and think, "How can I trample on the First Amendment today?"
I wake up and think, "How can I put away a rapist?"
[reads hate-mail] "Roses are red, Violets are blue. When Jessie is dead, her corpse I will..." You get the idea. There's hundreds like this.
What did I do wrong?
What, aren't you going to even say "hi" to your boss?
Hi. What did I do wrong?
BJB.J.'s Assistant
They yanked us off the air before the best part.
Something heavy fell on B.J.'s head?
Mr. Cameron, do you think that the KKK or Aryan Nations are funny?
BJB.J.
Only in that they're the most ignorant bunch of jackasses in the country.
[about the suspect] A serial killer kleptomaniac who's afraid of the dark.
What did your mother do to you?
Please, with you people, it's always the mothers.
I just set a new world record getting these warrants. Not to mention risking my life interrupting Judge Terhune's poker game, again.
[to a guard] Open it. [to the ADA] Poor baby. I've been up for 40 hours.
[Stabler's phone vibrates]
Why, detective, is that your phone vibrating, or do you just find me terribly exciting?
911 from the wife.
[he answers the phone; Benson is on the other end of the line]
I talked to Novak. He gives us her location, she'll take the death penalty off the table.
Oh, I don't know. You know how I hate letting these kids get away with that kinda thing. Okay. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
[suspiciously] Oh, no "I love you" this time? It rings one more time, and we're DONE!! AS IS JEANETTE!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.