“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

[conquering a group of spikes] Ooh, boy... [lands on a spike, dies]

Tom and Jury 'cause kids can't stay up for the real shows. Plus, we already did Mouse M.D.

Hey, this is... [before he could finish, Agent J zaps him with his neuralyzer] A lovely scent you have here.

[the dreidel stops spinning] Gimmel, hooray!

This diet stinks! I haven't lost any weight!

That's because you haven't completed the final step! Standing in the sun and letting it melt away like extra pounds!

I don't think this is going to work for me because I'm not made of snow.

Not with that attitude, you're not!

You're not even pretending to listen to me, are you?

Select now and you two can have sculpted abs like me!

Yeah, that's actually an ice cube tray. Ugh, this diet clearly isn't for humans, is it?

What's a human?

Well, there's any box down the tubes.

Well, have you considered...

Again, no chimney here! It's a bank!

Oh; come on, White Collar isn't that bad.

I'm not talking about White Collar. [segment ends]

Well, it's been a month; kids. Looks like Santa isn't coming after all. [Santa falls down the chimney, covered in smoke]

C- Couldn't you hear me? I was screaming for help in there!

Uh, do you have our presents?

Presents? I ate them!

But I want our laptop!

Yeah, I ate it! It's been a month, people!

We made you cookies.

Huh, well; isn't that great. Here, let me put you on the list here.

Is that the good list?

Yep! [eats the paper] Trust me. That went down a lot easier than the computer.

I'll be your friend.

Um, you're the lunch room guy.

So, you're just a piece of cauliflower.

[noticing cheese sauce stain on himself] Wait a minute. Is this cheese sauce?

That's it! Rampage! [kicks Odie, knocks off plant]

Hey, my drapes and plant!

Antique's Roadshow?

Oh. I thought that was Honey Boo Boo. [sounds of car screeching and crashing]

My drapes and my other plant!

I think you're thinking of Annoying Orange.

[reads the book, looks at the page to make sure] Oh, so I was. Man, I hate Thursdays. [segment ends]

Dear Notebook, tomorrow's the first day of school and I haven't spoke to anyone all summer, but I really want to turn that around. [the book comes to life with a face]

How about if you stop listening to a book and gets some real friends, bozo! Come on, computer!

Hi, I'm Charlie! [Spider-Man webs him] Hey, what are you doing?

Spider-Man

People don't know this, but I used to be a wallflower just like you. So I'm gonna teach you how to be a cool and confident wall crawler.