“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Can we please get normal chairs?

Hey, everyone! I'm Johnson! Sorry I'm late.

But if you're Johnson, then who's...

Wait. What just happened here?

[draws a well with his magic marker] I said "draw awell", not "draw a well". [draws Mona Lisa instead]

You can actually. I can breathe underwater.

Remember, no loud noises. [a woman sneezes, other man drops pots and pans, third man plays drums] I said, no loud noises! [this starts an avalanche until a goalie guy stops it]

Oh, come on! We've already set up!

Sorry, old pal, we'll have you back next week.

No way; Lion-O. This is the third time you've bumped us. We're playing! And a one, and a two... [band plays]

No, Mumm-Ra! It's time for Jimmy Fallon! You will not deprive America in his huge musical impersonations! [attacks Mumm-Ra and band members]

Bad Idea #894: The Launch Box!

I have tuna!

I got ham and cheese!

I got... [reveals to be a rocket, launching him into the air]

Shucks. I was asking him if he wanted to trade.

It's okay, Bella. I'll help you.

Call 911...

[to the viewers] What, take my shirt off and use it as a bandage?

Eat-Ohs: What were they thinking?

[figuring the right password at the ATM] Wow. I have zero imagination!

Oh, my sandwich! [gets the sandwich, drops the pickle] Oh, no! I dropped the pickle! [two zoo animals attack him]

[wakes up from his nightmare about animals chasing people in the theater] Oh; phew, it was just a dream! Well, that's why I say let the past stay where it is. Always come up something original. (goes to typewriter) A annoying dad, a screwed up family, and a talking animal... no, alien... no, animal. (chuckles) Yep, original.

The left hand of doom!

Now with a couple magic pair of left-handed scissors!

That's not part of the... [groans]

I don't know how many times do I have to tell you, no more stapling 20 pages at a time! [stapler talks gibberish] I can't understand a word you're saying.

[wakes up from his nightmare about swollen in the pit] Wow. I just had the weirdest dream that I was starring in a crazy version of Tintin. I wonder what could have brought that on.

I don't know, but get back inside that TaunTaun. The shelter's not up yet. And I thought these parody's smelled bad, on the outside.