As many of you may know, a few weeks ago, Triple H and myself pulled a little bit of a prank on the McMahons. We told them that one Stephanie McMahon had gone into labor. And... well, that was a lie. [Looking up] Forgive me. As it would seem, however, life often imitates art. Because at this very moment, Stephanie McMahon is in a hospital in Connecticut giving birth to her first child. And of course, thankfully by her side are her father, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and her brother, Shane McMahon. But unbeknownst to them, my partner-in-crime Triple H, at this very moment, is in that same hospital.
Now, somehow, he's got a little bit of an inside scoop into this whole pregnancy thing. You know... between you guys and me... I think he knows who the father is.
What has become of Ric Flair? You see I'm in a state of disbelief because I watched Raw last Monday and found it hard to believe that Ric Flair resorted to calling me "Fat Boy". Fat Boy, a name so effective he chose to use it twice and I have to admit the name hurt. Yeah, the name "Fat Boy" hurt when my brother used it on me 30 years ago. What has become of Ric Flair? You see it hurts me worse than anything just to see Ric Flair proving to the world, one of the all time great performers in our business, proving to the world that he had the creativity, the originality and the intellect of the average fourth grader. What has become of Ric Flair!? You see I thought I was going on a journey to meet the Great and Powerful Oz! And it turns out instead I see a weak and feeble man operating behind a curtain, digging into a bag of cliches because he's got nothing left to offer! "To be the man, you've got to beat the man!" "I'm a 16-time world champion!" "All night long!" blah blah blah. You make me sick Ric! What has become of you!? You've reduced yourself to being a second-rate circus side show, falling on thumbtacks on an ECW show, all in vain attempt to lure me back into the ring! It's not gonna work! What part of "no" did you not understand? I won't fight you here, there, or anywhere. What has become of you Ric Flair!? Because now not only are you a second-rate freak show, but you've resorted to attacking innocent, beautiful defenseless women. And even worse, Ric Flair, the woman you chose to attack was a friend of mine! Which means I'll be coming to New Jersey, Ric Flair, but I won't be coming to wrestle, but I will be coming to look you in the ring face to face and air our differences in a very public venue. And I swear to your Ric, you leave the cliches at home and you bring your heart and your mind or I will swat you away and embarrass you in front on national TV, you washed-up piece of crap! I'll see you next Monday on Raw! Yeah!
[Edge and Lita are in the ring for The Cutting Edge, having just invited Randy Orton on the show]
Randy, thanks for - thanks for coming on the show, and...I'll get straight to the point. See, you've impressed me. You impressed me in 2004 when you became the youngest champion in WWE history. But, but since then, you've done absolutely nothing.
[standing up from his seat, shocked] Excuse me?
Edge [stammering]: Don't get me wrong, you've been involved in some huge matches: last year at WrestleMania against the Undertaker. This year at WrestleMania, Rey Mysterio, SummerSlam, Hulk Hogan, but...the thing is, you lost all those matches. You see, for two years straight, you have consistently dropped the ball.
You got two seconds to come up with a point...or I'm gonna drop you right now.
Okay. Okay. Okay, Randy, I have a point: you see, every - every misstep, every bump in the road since you became champion, it-it can be traced back to one single, solitary moment. Do you remember?, because if you don't, I'm gonna remind you right now. [pointing at the Titantron] Roll the footage. [footage shown of Orton in 2004 celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, only for Triple H and the rest of Evolution to turn on him as Triple H starts attacking him] Do you remember that, Randy? Do you remember, you were on top of the world, you had it ALL!...but Triple H's selfishness cost you everything, everything! I know you tried to pull it all back together, but let's face it, the facts are the facts! So you're probably asking yourself why, why would I care? And normally, I wouldn't. But these things have a, a tendency to repeat themselves. Jealousy rears its ugly head again, because, just last week, there was another travesty of justice. So once again, [gesturing to the Titantron] let's roll the footage. [footage from the previous week on Raw when D-Generation X interfered in Edge's steel cage match against John Cena for the WWE Championship, with Shawn Michaels' Sweet Chin Music to Trevor Murdoch, causing Murdoch to inadvertently slam the cage door on Edge's head, being the main turning point] Shawn Michaels cost me the WWE Championship! The same man who, who taught Triple H every self-serving, power-hungry move he's ever known! And-and what did DX do when they came out here earlier? They...they made some cute little jokes. Because Randy, they think I'm a joke, they think you're a joke. And they're gonna continue to do that, until someone takes a stand. You see, Randy, I know you're not a joke, and I'm not a joke. The reason I called you out here tonight...is because I think those people that should take a stand...I think it's you, and me. We should own this show! We should have all the championships! We are the present and future of this industry, not some tired old act from a decade ago! So I tell you what, Randy, it's really simple: you can get mad at the things, the-the true things I said earlier and, you can fight me right now...or...you can join me. Join me and together we can take a stand against DX. We can beat DX! Take back our championships! Take back our lives, our careers! So the ball's in your court. It's up to you.
[the crowd starts an "RKO" chant, much to Edge's chagrin]
DX...as far as you running this show anymore is concerned, I've got two words for ya: it's over! [shakes Edge's hand and the two grin at one another]
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome D-Generation X. [crowd cheers] And gentlemen, after the footage we just saw, the question on everyone's mind is how is Ric Flair doing?
Todd, you can't and will never be able to hold down Ric Flair. He will be back. Edge and Orton, [claps] unbelievable. You two are the only ones that have managed to see past the mirage that is D-Generation X. The whole fighting the system, spitting in the face of authority, having no respect for absolutely anyone, you knew that didn't apply when it came to the Nature Boy, Ric Flair. You know about the impact he had when we were growing up. You know about the impact he had on us when we were young WWE superstars and more importantly than that, you know that in the last five years, we have come to know him as a close personal friend. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. You've now made this personal. Last week you did to Ric Flair that which you knew you could never do to us. The pain, the humiliation that you put him through last week is not gonna compare to what you suffer at the hands of D-Generation X.
[the WrestleMania 23 Money in the Bank ladder match participants are in the ring]
Welcome to a very special edition of the Cutting Edge. Now as we all know, the third annual Money in the Bank ladder match takes place this Sunday at WrestleMania. I of course won the first Money in the Bank, cashed it in, and went on to become WWE Champion. Actually, I've won ladder matches at WrestleManias 16, 17, and 21. As a matter of fact, I've won more ladder matches than all of you combined. Add to the fact that I've never been beaten at WrestleMania. And what makes any of you think you have a shot this Sunday? And, and Matt, Matt I'll start with you. Because I'm shocked that you're even on WrestleMania. [Matt Hardy takes the microphone]
MHMatt Hardy
Oh I'm on WrestleMania. And I'm gonna be in your face. And you're not the only one with experience in ladder matches. I've won quite a few of these myself. And at WrestleMania, I'm gonna beat you up bad. So bad that you're gonna be lying flat on your back. Much like your ex-girlfriend.
Okay, okay, that's it, you're done speaking! And I can do that because this is my show! Now King Bookah, hopefully, hopefully you have something intelligent to say.
KBKing Booker
Indeed. Indeed I do. Now I realize, some of you have won championships in the past. But none, none of you have reigned, reigned successfully as King Booker! Now, the rest of you lowly, lowly peasants, [Finlay takes the microphone]
FFinlay
Peasants?! I am sick of this verbal diarrhea! I feel like I'm on here among a bunch of old women! You didn't like that, chisel-chin? You feelin' froggy? Go ahead and jump! [Randy Orton takes the microphone]
Fit, Fit, take it easy now, don't hurt Edge's feelings! Don't hurt Edge's feelings, Fit, you see, 'cause he might use that as an excuse to duck out of this match! Just like you've ducked out of every match you'd been scheduled to wrestle in for the past month.
Now, now, Randy, you know that's not true, okay? [Mr. Kennedy takes the microphone]
KMr. Kennedy
Oh oh no, no. That is true. No it it, it's pretty obvious to me, it's pretty obvious to everybody out here that you, you don't wanna fight tonight, do ya? You don't wanna fight, but you know what, you might as well just step aside. EVERYBODY here might as well step aside, because you're looking at the man who is gonna be Mr. Money in the Bank. You're looking at MR.... [Edge takes the microphone]
Okay, okay, very nice, very nice! Riveting stuff, repeat your name! Oh and that brings us, that brings us to Jeff Hardy. And Jeff I, I'd ask you for a comment but all you've really said for the last few months is, [does Jeff Hardy's signature entrance pose] Ha! So, so maybe I should close this one out for you, huh?
JHJeff Hardy
Hey man that's real funny. You know, this is my first WrestleMania in five long years. Therefore, I plan to do what I always do in ladder matches, and that's to STEAL THE ENTIRE SHOW! Even if it means going through my own brother. I'll do what it takes to climb that ladder, grab the briefcase, and win Money in the Bank.
Okay enough! Enough! [crowd chants "CM Punk"] Oh and last, but certainly not least, that brings us to Chicago's own, CM Punk! [crowd cheers loudly] Cheer it up. So you're straight edge, right? Your only addiction is competition, right? Well my addictions are sex, violence, and championship gold around my waist.
Edge, right now, the only thing it looks like you're addicted to, is running your mouth. [Edge shoves Punk, resulting in a brawl]
Good evening. Tonight, this arena here in Corpus Christi, Texas, was to have been filled to capacity with enthusiastic WWE fans. Tonight’s storyline was to have been the alleged demise of my character, Mr. McMahon. However, in reality, WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel, are dead. Their bodies were discovered this afternoon in their new, suburban Atlanta home. The authorities are undergoing an investigation. We here in the WWE can only offer our condolences to the extended family of Chris Benoit, and the only other thing we can do at this moment is, tonight, pay tribute to Chris Benoit. We will offer you some of the most memorable moments in Chris’ professional life, and you will hear, tonight, comments from his peers; those here – his fellow performers – those here who loved Chris and admired him so much. So tonight will be a three-hour tribute to one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time. Tonight will be a tribute to Chris Benoit.
I just want to congratulate John Cena, on being the biggest phony in WWE history. Cena prides himself on never backing down, never quitting. But that's exactly what Cena did at Unforgiven. [clip from Orton's WWE Championship match with John Cena at Unforgiven is shown] He knew he couldn't beat me, so he went ahead and got himself disqualified. That's taking the coward's way out. That's the same as giving up. Don't let Cena trick you into thinking he lost it in the heat of battle. He knew exactly what he was doing. Cena was losing the match. He could see his one-year title reign come crashing to an end, so he took the easy way out. Now tell me, what type of champion does that? Cena, I'll give you credit, you're smart. You took all the focus off screwing me over by having your pathetic father kick me in the head after the match. [clip of Cena's father kicking Orton in the head is shown] Mr. Cena, I don't know what you do for a living. You probably live off your son like a bum. I on the other hand, am a professional wrestler. I'm a WWE superstar, that's what I do. Competing in the ring is my livelihood, it's in my blood, it is my life, and you tried to take that away from me! But things are turning around. Things are changing, John Cena, I truly enjoyed beating up your father last Monday on Raw. I enjoyed the look on your face as you were handcuffed to the ring while I annihilated your old man, you were helpless. You better get used to that feeling Cena. Because at No Mercy, there's nowhere to run. It's a last man standing match. Anything goes. There is nothing that's gonna stop me from beating you senseless, and taking what's rightfully mine, the WWE Championship. So Cena, here's what I want you to do. I want you to bring your old man to Raw next week. 'Cause I want him to see exactly what I'm gonna do to you at No Mercy. Cena, I will not be denied. I will be victorious, I will be champion. I will be the last man standing.
2007 could be summarized to three letters. R, K, O. I went from the Legend Killer to becoming a one man dynasty. And in 2008, I'm going to be more ruthless and dominant than ever. I will start this new year as the WWE Champion, and I will walk out of 2008 still the WWE Champion. [crowd boos, then Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out]
Well ladies and gentlemen, the number one contender for the WWE title, the very man that will meet Randy Orton for the WWE title at the Royal Rumble, Jeff Hardy has apparently heard enough of what Mr. Orton has to say here tonight.
Well I don't think this is a good idea for Jeff Hardy to come out here and ruin the moment for Randy Orton. Let's face it, Randy Orton is the WWE Champion, he is the greatest Raw superstar of 2007. He deserves a certain amount of respect.
JHJeff Hardy
You can talk about your year all you want man. But right here, right now, it means nothing. Dude, it's about what you've done lately. It's about the one thing you don't have. And that's momentum. As a matter of fact, let's check a little something you left out of your video. [footage from the December 17 Raw is shown]
Well Jeff Hardy's had a pretty good 2007 as well. Two weeks ago, Jeff Hardy, as we'll see here, after the Twist of Fate, the Swanton Bomb on the WWE Champion, for a 1, 2, 3 for a victory. That's momentum.
All that proves, Jeff Hardy, is that you got lucky. A lucky win in a tag match!
HHardy
No, no Randy, you what that proves? That proves I can beat you! That proves that if anyone's got momentum leading into the Royal Rumble with our match, it's not Randy Orton. It is Jeff Hardy!
You wanna talk about momentum? Ask Chris Jericho about momentum. Ask Shawn Michaels. Ask John Cena what I've done lately. [crowd chants "you suck"] Nobody has ever beaten me for the WWE Championship title, and you will never beat me, Jeff Hardy. But you're talking about momentum. Let me show you how momentum can take a quick turn. So why don't you pay attention. [Orton and Hardy stare down for several seconds, then Orton tries to RKO Hardy, but Hardy reverses]
Oh! Orton looking for the RKO, [Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on Orton]
But it's now the Twist of Fate delivered from the Intercontinental Champion, the number one contender for the WWE title, and indeed there is huge momentum.
Oh my gosh! Orton outsmarted at his own game. I thought Orton was about to show some sort of video or something, and instead he went for the RKO that was blocked, and turned into the Twist of Fate!
There certainly can be an argument made that Jeff Hardy indeed does have Randy Orton's number.
The magic number for Randy Orton may be 2008 when he becomes the next WWE Champion.
And the question is, will Ric Flair make it until 2008? Last month, WWE Chairman Mr. McMahon made a, he dropped a huge bomb on the incomparable Ric Flair.
JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield
On this New Year's Eve on this city that I own, my hometown, New York City, they're waiting for a ball to come down out of the sky. The rest of the world, yourself included, those in New York are knowing that this day will be known for one thing, and one thing only. Mark it, write it down, etch this day in stone. This is the day that JBL returns! This is the day JBL comes to Raw. It is so momentous, you can smell it because you people know, you know far and wide, everyone knows I don't have to be here. I am a millionaire many times over. I am here for one simple reason. I love power. I love domination. I like, I love owning people. I love taking people like you, squashing them under my thumb, because I can. Money comes to money. I am your worst nightmare, because if I can't buy it, I will take it! So mark my words, [Chris Jericho's music hits]
What is this now? [Chris Jericho comes out] This was a piece of history, JR! Jericho doesn't need to spoil this! [Jericho charges at JBL] Look out!
And Chris Jericho is not doing any talking! [Jericho and JBL brawl]
RF"Nature Boy" Ric Flair
WOOOO! Last night, I wrestled my very last match at WrestleMania. I will never, ever, wrestle in this ring again. [The crowd boos this] Please... please... I... I... I'm not sad about not wrestling. You shouldn't be sad about the fact that you're not gonna see me out here. You should rejoice in the fact that I HAVE HAD THE GREATEST WRESTLING CAREER IN THE HISTORY OF PRO WRESTLING! [The crowd erupts at this] And last night, even though I lost, I lost to a great, great, great wrestler and a better man! [The crowd boos at mention of Shawn Michaels] It's true... Rejoice in the fact that I have wrestled in front of more fans, raised more hell, had more fun, and loved all of you every day of my life! I swear to God! I've been teared up all day long with the thought of not being able to come out here anymore, but I'm off! I'm off, and I'm in a good place, and I love you! [As he speaks, "Thank you, Ric" chants start within the crowd] Please... Let me say to you, I wanna thank you for the memories, thank you for the support, and most of all, thank you all for making me who I am today. WOOOO! WOOOO! WOOOO! [begins to leave, until he is cut off by the music and arrival of Triple H]
Ric, if you think these people here in Orlando are the only ones that want to say thank you, if you think that the millions of people watching on TV are the only ones that want to say thank you... well then, my friend, you've got another thing coming. [embraces Flair] Because I just... I had to come out here and I had to tell you something from the bottom of my heart... I love you, man. [shakes Flair's hand] And thank you. Thank you. [bows down to Flair and then embraces him again] Now, that takes care of me, but there are a few other people that wanted to say thank you too, and... there's one group of guys I started talking to earlier today, and it's the craziest thing, 'cause ever since I talked to them, my hand's been cramping up like this... [Makes a familiar sign; Flair smiles, knowing what this means. The sound of horses' hooves and whinnying only serve to confirm the obvious, as out come:] TULLY BLANCHARD! J.J. DILLON! ARN ANDERSON! BARRY WINDHAM! THE FOUR HORSEMEN!
[As the aforementioned Horsemen enter the ring and embrace Flair] This will be the first time the Horsemen have been together since 1988. All four of them in the ring. [No further commentary is uttered.]
[As he introduces each of the next seven individuals, that individual enters the ring to pay his respects to Flair] The Animal... and the Evolution, Ric, of Batista... Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat... The seven-time World Champion, Harley Race... Greg "The Hammer" Valentine... Another Horseman, Dean Malenko... Y2J, Chris Jericho... John Cena! [After Cena has paid his respects, "Leave The Memories Alone" by Fuel plays as:] Ric, here comes your family. Ric's wife Tiffany, Megan, David, Reid, and Ashley! [By this time, Flair is completely in tears as his wife and children enter the ring and embrace the Nature Boy. After the crowd reacts, they fall silent as Shawn Michaels, still clearly upset over retiring Flair the previous night, enters the ring. The two make up and embrace] Ric... First of all, I've gotta say: those are sweet watches. [pointing out the gold watches both Flair and Michaels are wearing] Those match; those are cool. Anyway... [laughs and taps the microphone] Is this still on? OK, that is... anyway, we could keep this going on all night because there's just so many people. But I'll tell you what: Anybody left that wants to come out here and say thank you to Ric Flair, come on out! ["...To Be Loved" by Papa Roach, then the Raw theme, plays as the locker room empties, line up on the ramp and chant "Thank you, Ric" with the audience]
