Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Aha! Nothing to worry about. But, there's nothing I can do. [leaves the house]
[Courage yanks on his ears, hops around, and howls in frustration]
This is all your fault, dog. You and that rotten tree. Now I gotta order take-out for breakfast. [picks Courage up and boots him out the front door] Stupid dog!
Oh, Eustace, aren't you excited about your birthday party?
Ain't gonna be no party.
Excuse me, sir, but would you please help me across the street?
You got legs, don't you? Help yourself!
[mumbling while sleeping] There ain't no curse.
[wakes up, seeing the rain cloud curse soaking up the bed; disgusted] Eustace!
Huh?
The bed's getting soggy. If you can't do away with this curse, you're gonna have to sleep on the roof.
[Eustace is now sitting on the roof outside the house]
Bah. Ain't no such thing as curses. [wipes the rain from his glasses] No way, no how. [takes off his glasses and wipes them with a cloth, but is startled by lightning strikes from the cloud, causing his glasses to fly out of his hand and land on the edge of the roof] Hey! My glasses! No! I can't see! Where?! Where?! [sees a TV antenna] Huh? Muriel, is that you? [hallucinates the antenna as a wiry monster, then rubs his eyes] You're not Muriel! [starts wrestling with the antenna as Courage comes up with a blanket] Get off my roof! I don't know who you are! [sees Courage] Huh? Huh? [hallucinates him as a giant, sharp-toothed fish, then growls in rage] No solicitors! [charges towards Courage, who screams in fear, and grabs him by the throat] Now you get! We don't want any! [throws Courage off the roof]
[Courage, Muriel, Ma Bagge, and Dr. Vindaloo are all in the dining room to celebrate Eustace's birthday party, but he's still on the roof]
Rain or no rain, that man should really come to his own birthday party. [calling him through the stove] Eustace, get down here this instant! [Eustace is removing some mushrooms that are growing on his body; through chimney pipe] Eustace, did you hear me? What are you doing up there?!
Huh? [hallucinates the chimney pipe as a snake]
Your guests are waiting!
No solicitors. Especially at this hour! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?! [rips off a piece of roof plank, then charges towards the chimney pipe and dives in it; then comes out of the stove, scaring everyone while covered in soot]
[Courage hides behind Muriel and Ma and Dr. Vindaloo run out of the house]
Oh, my. [annoyed] Now see what you went and done, Eustace?! You scared off your guests!
Huh?
And you're leaving a ring on the floor! [holds out a coaster] Here, stand on this coaster.
[retorting] You can't fool me! [hallucinates her as a monster] Who? You're not Muriel! [grabs her and pins her down on the floor] One, two, three, I win!
The stupid one. He's stupid, right?
You know, Eustace. You should thank Courage for getting rid of that curse.
[takes the thermometer out of his mouth and notices Courage wearing his hat] What you doing with my hat, dog? Bah! [snatches the hat from Courage and puts it on his own head, causing the rain cloud curse to reappear] Bah! There ain't no such thing as a curse. [gets struck by lightning] Bah!
Zip your mouth shut, dag. Or I'll be fishing you again, I will.
[pouring a cup of tea for Professor Frith and offers it to him] This should make you feel better, Mr. Frith. Now, tell us what happened to you, you poor man.
What's happened to me isn't important. What's important is what might happen to you and what happened thousands of years ago. The clothing in this sack tells the story. [takes the Mayan princess' outfit out of his sack] This belonged to a Mayan princess a long time ago. The princess loved cookies. Each day, the royal baker would whip up a jar full of cookies for the princess. The cookie jar was (then) brought to the princess by her most trusted royal Poohbah. And before he would give the cookies, the greedy Poohbah would steal cookies from the jar and sell them for his own profit. One day, the baker caught the Poohbah and went to tell the princess, but the Poohbah got to her first. The Poohbah presented the princess with cookie jars that were only half-full, and said the baker was stealing the missing cookies. The princess was outraged, and ordered the baker to have his mouth sewn shut, his eyebrows plucked, and his body mummified. Most unpleasant. [chuckles] That baker is now a centuries-old mummy. And he's risen. And he's seeking revenge. And he's on his way to this very spot at this very moment.
Why here? Why us?
[takes out a scroll from his sack and opens it] Here is an ancient drawing of the princess and the Poohbah.
[Eustace and Muriel gasp in surprise, seeing that they look just them]
They look just like we do!
[offering Muriel a jar of cookies] Here, my princess, is your daily supply of royal cookies.
Thank you, most trusted royal Poohbah. [opens the lid; sniffs] Oh, they smell heavenly. My compliments to the royal baker.
Yeah, yeah, compliments, sure.
[looks inside the jar and sees there are no cookies] Hmm.
Something wrong, your princess-ness?
There seems to be some cookies missing from the royal cookie jar. Royal Poohbah, do you know who could be responsible for such a terrible crime?
Ain't me. Got me sugarcane.
It was you all along, no-longer-trusted Poohbah. I order you to have your lips sewn shut, your eyebrows plucked, and the rest of you mummified! [Eustace screams in defeat; to the mummified baker] Sorry, royal baker. I goofed. You're exonerated of the crimes of which you are accused.
[enters the kitchen] Eustace, I'll get to making dinner, as soon as I'm done cooking that batch of my special secret recipe, Blue Ribbon dog food. [Eustace spits in disgust, pulls out his tongue, and scrubs it with a brush] This batch is for the county dog food contest.
[Muriel eats her pancakes, completely invisible, visibly showing the chewing]
Muriel, close your mouth when you chew.
Let me lay down the ground rules: This is my half of the lint, that's your half of the lint. Remember that and we won't have no trouble.
Lousy, stinkin' tube food! [tastes the tube food] Hey, this ain't half-bad!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
