That freak's not setting one freaky foot in this house.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
FFred
Hello new friend my name is Fred, the words you hear are in my head. I say, I said my name is Fred and I've been very..."NAUGHTY".
Hmm, there's nothing to worry about. It's nothing at all. Nothing at all. The swelling is going to go down. To go down. Just keep soaking it. There's nothing to worry about. Just keep soaking it.
[Courage stammers] Now, now, I don't want to be any trouble.
Then you shouldn't have gotten bit. Come on, you stupid dog.
Thank you, doctor.
Just keep soaking it.
[Back at the house… Courage and Eustace are watching TV in the living room, while Muriel is in the kitchen, soaking her hand in the sink for the swelling to go down; She then looks up at a full moon in the sky through the window, and starts shaking and moaning]
Muriel, you're missing your favorite show! Muriel! [grumbles; to Courage] Go find her.
Ahhhhh!
[turns around] Shh, I'm watching my favorite show.
[takes out a tongue depressor stick] Now, I want you to open your mouth and say, "Ahh." [Muriel opens her mouth really wide with sharped teeth, bites him, and rapidly shakes him]
No, Ma. You always looked good to me.
[pressing the buttons on the mind-control remote, making Muriel struggle to get up, bumping into the walls, and walking on the ceiling] How does this thing work? Come on, come on!
ICItalian Cook
Hey! Bring that duck back! What am I gonna serve?
Strudel.
ICItalian Cook
Oh, good idea.
TCTV Commercial
Shirley the Medium can put you in touch with the hereafter, so you all can live — and die — happily ever after.
What a wonderful idea! We could hire Shirley! You and your brother can lay your troubles to rest once and for all.
Our differences are settled — he's dead and I ain't.
[looking into her crystal ball] I see... I see... I see... a yo-yo.
Yes.
I see a yo-yo. It is under the sofa.
The stupid one. He opened the box, yes?
[Courage finds an Egyptian stone slab buried in the ground and brings it into the house]
Oh, my. This looks very old. Eustace.
Huh?
Come look what Courage found. What do you suppose it could be?
Well, judging by the markings and the obvious age of the relic, I'd have to say it would be...garbage!
Eustace!
Garbage! From King Garbage of the Garbage Dynasty. Stupid dog. Always bringing garbage into the house.
But the big story today… million-dollar slab stolen from the Tomb of King Ramses.
Huh? I'm rich!
But the man said it was stolen, Eustace. We must return it to its rightful place.
He said a million-dollar slab, and that means I get a million dollars. And you know what a million dollars means. That's right! New lawn chairs!
Return the slab.
What?
Return the slab or suffer my curse.
What's your offer?
This night, you will be visited by three plagues, each worse than the last. Return the slab.
Huh. Nice try, professor. Who's he kidding? I can see the zipper on that cheap dime store costume.
Huh?
Courage, did you leave the tap running?
Return the slab.
Eustace, what are you waiting for? 'Til we're six feet under?
[to King Ramses] All right, but a million's as low as I'll go.
No, I can't believe I did that. It's mine! Huh? [to King Ramses] That's three plagues! You're out of ammo, mister! [snickers] And don't think you can come around here pushing no tote bags on us neither. What's your offer?
Return the slab.
[Eustace screams when the swarm of locusts return and devours him; Next morning…]
FProfessor Frith
[on TV] At last, the allegedly cursed slab has been returned to King Ramses' crypt, where it will remain buried in antiquity for all time.
Oh, I wonder where Eustace is.
[Cut to the interior of King Ramses' crypt; The slab has been returned to its original state but the image of King Ramses has been replaced with Eustace]
[echoing; offscreen] Aaaaaah! What's your offer?
Eustace, is there something wrong?
My foot! My foot!
Oh! Looks like you've got a fungus. Don't worry, Eustace. I know some family remedies. [The next morning, she and Courage try to heal Eustace's foot with various objects like cactus thorns, lobsters, and a vat of acid] Oh, dear. There's just one thing left to do.
Ain't going to no doctor.
You really should, Eustace.
I ain't going.
It's as big as a cow. You have to go.
Make me.
Ah, suit yourself. But I think it's starting to fester.
All I need is a nap.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.