[a short while after being pulled over]
Yeah, the bag wouldn't open and the napkins!--
[Irritated] No, no more! Here's what you guys are gonna do for the rest of the trip — nothing! Absolutely nothing! (in red) Don't say anything, don't do anything. Just stop messing things up!
[pause]
Benson, why d’you hate us so much?
[sighs] I don't hate you guys. I just hate some of things you do. Okay, I really hate some of things you do. I know you don't mean them, but I'm your boss and it's my job to push you to do better.
Is that why Maellard yells at you?
[laughs] You guys dunno how easy you have it! Let's just say his yelling is way worse than mine.
But is it worse than his face? [all laugh]
(Yawns) Huh? [angry] What?! (He walks into Joyspot Arcade finding Mordecai & Rigby, angrily pulling them out of the building, they both groan)
Ugh. How long were we in there?
(turning red) HOURS! You were in there for HOURS! Now, we're never gonna make it to the dealership in time! It closes in thirty minutes!
We're sorry! We didn't know it was daytime. There aren't any windows in the arcade!
Excuses, excuses! How am I supposed to trust you when all you give me are EXCUSES?!!? When are you two gonna learn that your actions have CONSEQUENCES??!!?! Consequences that AFFECT other people! (Voice breaking) Like me. Don't you two understand? I'm about to lose my job! You may not care about keeping your jobs, but I care about keeping mine. 'Cause if I lose my job, I have nothing! Do you hear me? I have nothing! (breaks down crying) Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take my last bathroom break as an employed man. (enters the nearby bathroom)
Dude, we really messed up. (A few moments later, Benson exits the bathroom)
(Shocked) What...? (He notices the cart is gone, then turns red and starts wailing, screaming in a rage, then panting) Hey, you! (the scene shows a hillbilly on a motorcycle, then Benson runs up to him) There were two guys with a truck that were just here. D’you know where they went?
BBiker
Oh, yeah! They're taking a shortcut out to Highway 13 to the car dealership!
BBiker
Most dangerous highway in the country!
How much do you want for that bike? (he is seen driving the motorcycle to catch Mordecai and Rigby, who are driving Benson's truck)
Okay, little dude, time to go to sleep.
Of course I can, I am over 300 years old.
Wait — do your parents know?
NO, and let's keep it that way! I want to ride this baby thing out for a while longer, and before I slumber, I demand that we PLAY.
Well, okay... but you better go to sleep after that.
[reading thru The Hungry Hungry Soul-Sucking Deathworm]
"..And once all the souls were eaten, he took a nice long nap. The end." It's such a pretty good book.
No, wait — you forgot to pull the last tab.
PULL IT! THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!
What's the point? The book's over, dude.
If you DON'T, I won't go to bed!
LLadonna
What is going on here?
[groans] This is why clubs suck! You think you are better than everybody else? There'a a dumb list that no one can get on? That weird baby water? This annoying music?!
Actually, I like the music.
And now you're kicking my friend out because he's not wearing the right clothes?! Well, I'm not wearing the right clothes! [He takes off trash bag] I got this stuff out at the trash. Are you gonna kick me out, too? [all gasp] Rigby is not an embarrassment, this Stuck-Up club is an embarrassment.
LLadonna
Well, I am the owner of the Stuck-Up club, and I want you two gone.
LLadonna
Harvey, Lafayette!
LLadonna
Throw these losers out.
No, please! Margaret's waiting for me! I promised I'd dance with her!
HHarvey
Not tonight, kid.
[gasps] Margaret! [he stomps on Harvey's feet, and he's running after Margaret]
Dude, Benson can't stand it when you leave jobs before they're even finished.
Oh please, what's he gonna do? [Benson looks behind him, who overhears the conversation]
[teething angrily] IT’S BENSON!
Yeah, I know it's Benson, that's how it works around here. I don't do my work, and he doesn't do a thing about it. It's a win-win.
Actually, it's a lose-lose CAUSE YOU’RE FIRED!!
Whoa, Benson!! I was just messing around! Sorry about that. I'm just gonna go back to work now, okay?
No, you're not. You're actually fired. I want you outta here.
I'm sorry, Benson, it won't happen again!
Can't you give him another chance?!
[stops by] What's going on here?
Why? What's the matter, Benson?
Well, for one, he never finishes his work.
That's not true! I always finish my work!
[cut to Rigby playing video games with the vacuum cleaner running past him; whooping on the duck spring rider with his garbage bag and stick laid down; and himself sleeping with the hose still running]
Okay, so... maybe I don't always finish my work, but... you never told me how to! How am I suppose to do something I don't even know how to do?!
I don't know! If you haven't figured it out already, you're not gonna figure it out anytime soon. I want you outta here!!
Rigbaby, repeat lessons one and two.
Lesson one... is stay calm. Lesson two... is be cool.
Alright. Forget those two lessons!
Lesson three is the only lesson that matters. Lesson three... is never quit. You say it.
I'm sorry, did you say something, Rigbaby?
[Muscle Man starts on the mower at high volume]
YOU SOUND LIKE A QUIET LITTLE QUITTER!!!
I'M GONNA YANK THIS CORD JUST LIKE YOUR MOM YANKED THAT PACIFIER OUT OF YOUR LITTLE BABY MOUTH!!!!
We're here today because my dad put a cactus under a cop in a bear costume, who turned out to be an actual bear. [starts freaking out, wreaks havoc]
Muscle Man! [runs with Rigby to comfort him] It's okay, it's okay!
You're right! You're right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm okay. My dad might not have been the best pranker in the world... but he was the best trucker in the world. And that hat was his crown. That's why this urn is filled with the ashes of his hat. As the ultimate Father's Day tribute, I'm gonna help my dad fulfil his final wish by spreading the ashes of his hat at the Trucker Hall of Fame.
Guys, I'd like you to go with Muscle Man to help him spread those hat ashes.
What? Why can't Hi-Five Ghost go with him?
Hi-Five Ghost doesn't deal well with this sort of thing. [cuts to Fives outside the window crying]
Thanks. Just make sure to watch after him. If Muscle Man can't spread those hat ashes and get some closure, he may never be the same again.
[twirling suit, chugs soda on the couch] WOO-HOO!! WOO!! [chucks soda at the wall, runs off] WOOO!!!
[reads] "Son, if you're reading this, you punched my face and freaked out in the field by the rest stop where I faked that picture. I'm sorry for pranking you all these years..."
[...]
MDMuscle Dad
[writing on his forklift] "...especially about being a trucker. The world is a harsh place, and I only did it to toughen you up for when I'm gone. Now you know the truth — you aren't a Muscle Boy anymore."
TTrucker
Muscle Dad! We need those loads now!
MDMuscle Dad
Yes, sir! Right away!
TTrucker
And take off that hat! You ain't worthy of it. [they leave, Muscle Dad takes off his hat and continues writing]
MDMuscle Dad
"So please, drive to the highest point of the Trucker Hall of Fame, and spread my hat ashes over those stuck-up jerks. It's my final prank from beyond the grave. But if you hate me too much to do it, I understand."
CCart
Seriously, you dudes are gonna love this.
Why is everything in quotes?
H1Hooligan 1
Hey! I asked for the dressing separate! Separate!
OOwner
Take it up with the complaints department! Right here!
OOwner
Hey! You gonna order something?
Ooh, I get it! Oil's on me.
You should have just us you wanted to find an oil change!
H2Hooligan 2
Hey! Don't you know that grade of oil causes unnecessary wear and tear on your engine?
CCart
Well maybe I've got a deathwish, pal!
H2Hooligan 2
Jokers like you should be taken to the dump.
H2Hooligan 2
You make me wanna puke!
Okay, haha, you've had your last drink!
Let's hurry to the dump, it's getting late!
CCart
Oh, this? This isn't the last thing.
CCart
I've always wanted to get into a fight!
H3Hooligan 3
Hence fighting words!
H4Hooligan 4
Hate this music!
OOwner
And stay out! This is a decent "Family Establishment"! Don't need you "low lives" messing things up!
Wait a minute, where's the Cart? I knew it! He ditched us! We should've taken him to the dump when we had the chance! We're so fired, dude! [Mordecai feels disappointed]
Mordecai, look! An oil trail!
There he is! Cart...what are you doing up here?
CCart
I - I'm so sorry, you guys. I - I just didn't want you to have to see me like this.
It's alright, dude. Can we please just go to the dump now?
CCart
If I have to go, I'm gonna do it my way. I wanna be sent off this cliff, into the ocean, filled with fireworks from a third world country, to go out in a blaze of glory. That's my final - final wish.
That's - the coolest thing I've ever heard.
Alright. That's the last of them.
CCart
Well I never did write that novel. But I've seen things other carts wouldn't believe. I've started an all-out brawl at a family restaurant. I've watched sunbeams shimmer over the city from the highest parking ramp. My only regret is that I couldn't hold more fireworks.
Yeah, but it's still a lot.
MRMordecai, Rigby & Cart
OOHHHH!!!
CCart
Let's get this show on the road.
Coolest decommissioning ever.
MGMSH Guy
Look, you guys need to return the tape and pay the late fee.
But we can't afford a late fee!
Yeah, and what if we can't find it?
MGMSH Guy
[grunts, grabs a pair of scissors] Then you leave me no choice. [about to snip their membership card]
All we have is a VCR and you're the only place in town that still rents tapes!
MGMSH Guy
Oh, yeah — all those other places UPGRADED to D-V-D!!
Dude, we'll find it! I think I remember where it is suddenly!
MGMSH Guy
[groans] Fine, but it's only because you dudes appreciate superior video formats. Get it back here A.S.A.P. and I won't cancel your membership. I'll even wave the fee.
MGMSH Guy
I'd better not! Or you'll never rent a tape here EVER AGAIN!!
MGMSH Guy
Dude, the game has changed. I need that tape back by 9. My manager's doing inventory after we close, and he'll call the collections agency if he finds out it's missing.
What would it cost to just replace the tape?
MGMSH Guy
You're not going to like it.
MGMSH Guy
One.. thousand.. dollars.
MGMSH Guy
It's a RARE out-of-print VHS! A piece of film history!
MGMSH Guy
Just find it by tonight. I hear those guys break thumbs.
[Muscle Man laughs as he straps Mordecai's bed to the ceiling]
I can't wait to see the look on Mordecai's face when he finds his bed on the ceiling. He'll be like, "Oh, no! Where am I gonna sleep tonight?"! [he and Hi-5 Ghost laugh] Best prank ever! [high five each other]
[Pops runs in playing with a red balloon, laughing]
I've got you this time, balloon!
Oh, no, bro! [Pops sobs loudly. Benson and the others come]
Pops! [Skips removes the bed from a severely injured Pops] Call the ambulance, now! It's gonna be okay, Pops. [Mordecai goes to call the hospital while the others try to comfort Pops as he continues sobbing in pain. Muscle Man looks upset and guilty]
[they ambulance people carry a groaning Pops on a ]
AGAmbulance guy
He should be fine in a few days. But he's defiantly lucky to be alive. That bed could've killed him. [his line "killed him" echos 3 times in Muscle Man's mind]
Pops, Pops! Pops, I'm so sorry, bro! It was an accident!
Oh, no worries. I'll be quite alright.
No, Pops, I almost killed you all because of my stupid prank!
