“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Raj

[to Lazlo] Slinkman has never gotten us out early for announcements before. [sees Slinkman in his full body cast in the wheelchair, looking very annoyed] Uh-oh.

Listen up, campers. Due to our mishap yesterday involving... Well, [through clenched teeth] I won't mention any names, but their initials are... CHIP AND SKIP!!!

Yay!/Whoo-hoo!

Chip

He said our initials!

We are reinstating the rule that all cabin leaders are responsible for their bunk mates. [Campers gasped] That means keep them from hurting themselves or others.

Edward

Wait a minute. What does that mean, babysitting?

In your case, Edward, it means dung-sitting, 24/7.

Edward

WHAT?!?!

Chip

Edward's gonna dung-sit?

Skip

Does that mean he can sit on us?

Edward

[desperately] No! [grabbing Slikman, causing him to fall down] I don't want to be a dung-sitter! I beg you! You can't do that to me!

I'm sorry, Edward, it's new... camp... policy! [shoves Edward off him with his feet and onto Chip and Skip]

Chip

Hey, Edward, are you gonna sit on us for a while?

Skip

I don't know if you wanna do that. We just had beans.

Edward

[sulking grumpily to himself] I hate my life.

A question; What's 20 billion times katillion?

Skip

480 lumpillion.

Wow!

Ping-Pong

Tell me, how many tubes of toothpaste will I use in a lifetime?

Chip

You haven't finished your first one.

Ping-Pong

They're totally right! [his tooth falls out]

Lazlo

Professors, in your educated opinion, do you believe our sun will be a future habitat for Lava People

Skip

Well, actually Lazlo, in five billion years, our sun will be a Red Giant, engulfing three planets in our solar system, after which it will go supernova.

Edward

[looking at a brown, muddy blob] What is it?

Chip

A computer.

Skip

We made it out of twigs and mud.

The current operator is not smart enough to run this computer.

Raj

Eeh! This wood is hurting me. Eeh! I think i'm getting a callus! EEEH!

Lazlo

Well, I guess that leaves more for us then.

Raj

Um...I think I'm late for my yoga lesson, Lazlo.

Clam

Yoga.

Lazlo

Oh well, I will save them some.

Samson

Why, Edward? Why?

Edward

I don't know, Samson. All I know is that "girls" shouldn't be allowed on our bus.

Samson

[weakly] Hold me.

Patsy

Oh Lazlo! [giggles]

Raj

[annoyed] What is it, Patsy, for the 20th time?

Patsy

Never mind. [she, Nina, and Gretchen giggle]

Raj

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Those girls are nothing well.

Clam

Ding-dongs.

Samson

A girl on our side of the bus. As the sun slowly sets on my childhood, the dark suffocates me into adolescence.

Samson

[thinking to himself; worried] Oh, this is terrible! What should I do?

Tell the truth, Samson. You'll feel better.

No, don't! They'll all hate you. I…I…

What's wrong?

The shoulder's so filthy.

Patsy

You're not getting your dirt back!

Samson

Well, we don't want it back. Now that it's being stuck to your ugly faces!

Patsy

[outraged] What did you say?!

Samson

You heard me! Ugly! You Squirrel Scouts are the ugliest creeps... [gets mud thrown into his face and mouth, then spits it out] I got some! I got some! Your faces, uh... look like a sour, pot-bellied sow on Sour-Pot-Bellied-Sows-Are-Ugly Day!

Samson

Hey, ladies! You know what I think? You've got POOR FASHION SENSE!

Edward

[as his anger surrounds his heart once again; to Gretchen] You stole my happy...YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, SISTER!

Well done! First place! First place! Brilliant! Just look at that face! [the photo of Lumpus] Just look at that thing protruding... [the meaning statue of Piercely R. Prickly]

Raj

Are you sure it's okay to steal all this stuff?

Lazlo

It's not stealing, Raj, it's borrowing and besides we'll leave an I.O.U for them in case they're wondering where it is.

Samson

Merciful merp! [begins having a meltdown; agitated] How am I supposed to get to the store?! [crawls on his bed sadly] Merp. If I get beaten by one more ball I'll go insane! [sobbing]