Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Edward! I'm sorry I got this all wrong, buddy!
Wait, don't go! I don't wanna get eaten! [clings to Slinkman; crying] My final moments are going to be spent in the mouths of pink-cheeked, bearded, miniature mutants, who inspired hideous lawn ornaments!
[Everyone is singing the Camp Kidney Anthem]
By the wondrous Leaky waters,
And Great Mount White Head,
Stands the pretty good Camp Kidney,
Not too bad, all said!
Not the cleanest, not the smartest,
Not the best are we,
But!
Proud to be the second best camp,
Here on Lake Leaky!
Give us flea infested blankets,
Cabins that are old,
Loudspeakers that pop and garble,
Showers full of mold! (Hi, showers!)
Healthy food and giant head lice,
They will never break
The spirit of our Kidney Campers (Slinkman: What is going on?!)
Here on Leaky [Slinkman hit the brakes on the bus as the song abruptly ends] Lake!
I know this sounds crazy but I had a dream last night that told me to gather everyone at the gate and then I will get what I most desire, I hope it's a voodoo drum!
Here you go pal, use my neckerchief. I won't need it anymore.
Lazlo, there is something written on the inside of your neckerchief.
Oh yeah, that was there...when I first got it.
Let me take to my heart, Camp Kidney, a wonderland where summer runs free...
...where I laughed and I played while my good parents paid to let their child come of age and be me.
[laughs] Steaming saffron! Who wrote that hokey baloony!?
[crying] I did.
Oblivion!
A ROCK?!
How do you feel now, sir?
How do I feel? [jumps onto the table and dances] More importantly, how do I look?
Why, you look thinner already.
Yeah, heh, heh-- what?
The McMuseli low-cal fat-free food-free weight-loss meal plan never fails to shed…
[grabs him by the shoulders; savagely] YOU PSYCHOTIC SALAD SPINNER!
Pounds.
I'm trying to gain weight!
Gain weight?! I can't handle such insanity! He is not of this world!
[frantically] I got to get some real food! I got to get out of here!
[squeals] The new issue of "Dreamboat" magazine! [gasps] With Hanly Manster on the cover! He's so gorgeous.
And generous! He adopts underprivileged baby ponies.
[dreamily] I'd like to put him in a cage and keep him on my nightstand… forever.
[sighs dreamily] I wish he were here with us right now.
Well, if you gals are all set, I'm gonna get a move on.
Thanks for the magazine. [gasps]
What's the matter, Ni- [gasps]
You girls sound like a couple of… [gasps]
He looks just like Hanly Manster! [compares the magazine with Hanly Manster on the cover and Samson, seeing that they're both alike]
[The Squirrel Scouts imagine Samson as Hanly Manster and all sigh dreamily]
Well, [chuckles] I'm off. The road's a harsh mistress, and she waits for no one. [starts to pedal away back to Camp Kidney, but the girls block his way]
What's your hurry, Manly… I mean, Samson?
[nervously] What? Well, uh…
Why don't you stick around a while?
[returns to camp and to his cabin after getting battered by the Squirrel Scouts] That was really strange. [hears voices and peeks inside his cabin, seeing the Squirrel Scouts already in there and looking around]
Look! His pillow!
That's where he lays his sweet, sweet head.
I found his socks!
I found his tissues!
I found his dandruff!
Let me have some!
Get your own!
I said, give me some of that Samson dander!
[points to Samson outside the cabin door] Look!
It's him!
[dreamily] Hi, Samson.
Hello.
Can we do anything for you?
Can you put my dandruff back where you found it?
[The Jellies find Samson hiding in a tray of potato salad]
Samson, what are you doing in there?
Hiding from the Squirrel Scouts! Please let me stay! I beg you!
Why are you hiding from the Squirrel Scouts?
[holds up the "Dreamboat" magazine] They think I look like some hunky heartthrob named Hanly Manster.
[looks closely at the magazine] Hanly Manster?
[The sound of Squirrel Scouts screaming excitedly is heard]
Oh, now you've done it!
Samson, you can't hide in there forever. What will you eat?
Potato salad?
[pulls Samson out of the tray] Come on, you. We'll help you figure a way out of this mess.
[The Jellies and Samson are trying to lay low while hiding in the Jelly cabin from the Squirrel Scouts after they've been chasing Samson around all day]
No matter where we hide, the Squirrel Scouts always find us!
They won't find us in here, Raj.
[gasps fearfully when he hears a squealing sound, believing it's them] (Oh, no!) Here they come!
That's just my deviated septum. It's not so loud if I breathe through my mouth.
Hi, Samson!
[The Jellies and Samson all scream in terror and back away as the Squirrel Scouts come closer to them]
I'm sorry, Samson! I didn't sign up for this! [uses Clam as a drill and they both fall in a hole, escaping the cabin]
Run away!
[as Raj and Clam crawl out from under the cabin] Raj? Clam? You slipped the magazine under the door.
Guilty. It's amazing what you can do with tape, scissors, and a picture of Edward. [holds up the new issue of "Dreamboat" with a picture of Edward tapped on it]
[off-screen, while the Squirrel Scouts chase him down] NO!!!!
Whoa! Poor Edward.
I'd hate to be that guy.
[on the intercom] Attention, campers. The department of forestry has reminded us once again to stop hitting our heads against boulders.
[to Skip] There's that voice again.
[on the intercom] On a similar note, the fish and game department has informed us that it's not wise to play This Little Piggy with the sleeping bears.
[appears out of nowhere, squashing Slinkman] GAH!!! NO MORE LITTLE PIGGY! NO MORE LITTLE PIGGY, PLEASE! [runs off screaming]
That is one smart bear.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
