Welcome to Dethklok's Dorito Land! [two people get electrocuted trying to enter] And I'd like to remind you all that Dorito Land is not open to the public....it's just for us. Sorry.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[holding a black and white photo of Charles Ofdensen] I misses him Pickle...
We all do, Toki, even though we don't say it.
Why don'ts we says it, Pickle?
Toki...[sighs] Because admitting sadness... [holds a little locket photo of Ofdensen]....makes you gay.
All right, check this out, it's scream-activated lighting. [screams, and concert lights turn on to a double-bass pedal beat]
TText
MONEY SPENT ON DETHKLOK INTERIOR DESIGN. SCREAM ACTIVATED LIGHTING- $12 MILLION
See? You come home, it's dark. Where are my keys? [screams, and lights up the keys on a desk] Over there. [to scientists] Put them in every single room in the house!
TText
SCREAM ACTIVATED LIGHTING: IN EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE- $89.9 BILLION
SScientist
I'm afraid that's going to cost an aweful lot of money, I'm just telling you.
FUCK money!
BBand
Yeah, FUCK money.
This is my platinum practice chambers.
TText
PLATINUM PRACTICE CHAMBER- $6.5 BILLION
I haves a solid rubys metronomes.
TText
SOLID RUBY METRONOME- $8.3 BILLION
And a champagne humidifier.
TText
CHAMPAGNE HUMIDIFIER- $2 MILLION
So fucking expensive that it makes me horny.
This is my Endangered Species Furniture Room!
TText
ENDANGERED SPECIES FURNITURE ROOM- $28 MILLION
TText
CALIFORNIA CONDOR BOTTLE OPENER- $5 MILLION - GOLD PLATED MEERKAT SHELF HOLDER- $30 MILLION - GIANT PANDA THROW RUGS- $2 BILLION - GIANT TORTOISE OTTOMAN- $1.5 MILLION - SILVER GAZELLE WALL SCONCE- $4 MILLION - HELTER STORK TIFFANY LAMP- $6 MILLION
Seriously guys, fuck money!
TText
TOTAL EXPENDITURES $106,788,500,000
Uh, Williams, did yous pay the electrics bill?
Oh, what am I gonna pay it with, my farts?
Guys I've been crunching numbers and financially... I don't know how to say this but we're fucked. Thanks to Murderface's sandscape, we're in the red. Good one Murderface.
[stares and says nothing]
The uh- the construction has stopped.
That's because they don't gets paid, stupid!
All right, guys, this is costing us several million dollars to destroy this report. Now, I want you to know that, William. A lot of stuff that you don't know about goes into silencing the media. First off we need to make agreements with all participants to evict information from the record. This of course includes rounding up all participants. And of course if there are any problems, we'll have to deal with them.
AFAngry fan
You can take this waiver and shove it up your ass!
K1Klokateer 1
Let it be noted that the participant is belligerent.
K2Klokateer 2
Noted. Participant slated for mental reprogramming, (Angry fan screams as he is strapped to surgery table) facial reconstructive surgery, (A scalpel is brought to his face) and relocation. (The fan is tossed out a garbage truck into the middle of a desert road with a new face)
CCharles (VO)
Well, you guys don't need to know everything that goes into it. Just know that it's a long, complicated and expensive process.
AFAngry fan
THIS ISN'T MY FACE!!!!
This happens every time you, William, have a media disaster. Which is often.
You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself? That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online!
Which I've done.
Of course I'm nots paying tributes to myself. In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.
Dat's why my pants and shirts keeps disappearing! Dat's fucking weird dudes.
Well we're really good, we plays every Thursday nights.
[pause]
Wait a minute...
Thursday night? That's impossible, you have astronaut class on Thursday night.
Astronaut class is a lie?! I've been telling everyone that you're gonna be an astronaut! Now you're making me look like an asshole!
Wow, what a shit-hole. Look at that stage, it's fucking tiny!
Oh wait, no dude, it's just an optical illusion. It just looks small because it's really far away. Check it out, I'll walk all the way over to it. [walks right into the stage] Holy shit! That's tiny!!
JPJimmy Palomino
It's my pleasure to welcome to the stage Norman Blowup, Pockles the Drummer, Toolkie Wolfpaint, Billy Butterface, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf!
Didn'ts even change my names?!
Toki, you gotta let us into your band!
I agrees! I thinks it is just what we needs!
But we already gots a you. Me!
Well fines then. I'll be you! A much betters you!
No it'll be perfect! We'll be regular jack-offs! No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group!
You all wants to join Thunderhorse?
Yes! We do! We're gonna take a break from that fucking disgusting asshole rich life. And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band of the greatest band in the world? Dethklok!
You do it, I'm not doing it.
I'll do it, I don't care.
Yeah you do it Pickles, go, see...
See what happens.
Yeah, see what happens. See what happens.
See if you gotta wait for a little...
Go. Go go go go go.
I have a beer ticket for one beer please.
What- what is he doing?
What happened?
[in complete awe] Guys....it's a beer!
You means dat dats things dat he gaves you ams likes littles moneys whats ams onlys for beers?
[enraged] How come Dethklok never got beer tickets before?!
Yeah, what the hell?
All right, listen. This is bullshit. All we ever get is all the booze we can ever drink! We never get beer tickets!
CClerk
Next. [Dethklok approaches] Oh, look at you guys, you're a baaand huh? That's REAL exciting! Making fliers huh, so you can get BIG and famous!
[really tired] Uhhh...yeah, you know, we'd like to make some fliers.
CClerk
And what's your band called?
[really tired] Uhh we're called, uh, Thun-
CClerk
[mocking] I NEVER HEARD OF THEM! SURPRISE!
[dressed as Skwisgaar] That's whys we am gettings fliers so peoples whats knows what who we are.
CClerk
And you're gonna be a big Rock 'N Roll star huh? Wowwweeeee. Another baaand!
If I wasn't so lethargic from hunger, I'd uh....kick your ass and make copies of it here...copy... [stomach growls loudly] That's my stomach...making that sound...
You know, uh, guys? It's hard to say this but... I've had my fucking fill of getting back to our roots... And that's because it fucking sucks.
I am so glad you said that. I mean the reason we're in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already!
I didn'ts.....
I says we gets the fuck out of here.
But dude we still have to do that benefit. We promised those guys we'd do it!
Thunderhorse promised, not Dethklok. Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here, getting some fucking food!
Guys, you aren't going to die, you'll be fine-
Stop saying die, use a different word.
Use a different phrase like-
Something like, uh, something that's good instead of death, like-
MMuderface
Hamburger Time.
[pause]
Hamburger Time, perfect. Say Hamburger Time.
Hamboigers Time.
Use Hamburger Time, alright?
[pause]
Well as long as you guys are all worried about, uh... Hamburger Time, uh, maybe it would help a little bit if you guys all went to the doctor. Got a checkup.
[the band grumbles against this]
Look, my uncle had a big huge thing growing on his neck, and fine. Then he goes to the doctor: cancer. Bing Bang Boom! Hair out, Hamburger Time.
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