Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Gots to go to Norway now, sees my dad die... Sees ya.
See yous laters, Tokis, haves a greats time.
Oh yeah, and say hi to your dad from us. I mean, if he doesn't die before you get there. Well, y'know, say hi to his corpse I guess. Y'know? I don't know.
Yeah, no matter what happens, say hi.
[after the band states they can't go with Toki because they needed to record the album]
Okay. Off to the recording room. Chop chop. Let's go. To the studio. Let's go. Get up. We gotta record...
[a firecracker just exploded in his hand] That's my bass playing hand!
[sarcastic] Uh-oh! There goes the band!
You know I actually am looking forward to going to Norway. It is the birth place of Black Metal. It's gonna be fun..[to Toki]..I mean aside from your dad...dying slowly from cancer....how you doing with that by the way?
[Toki gives no response, as the camera shows him in an intense state of mind as intense music plays]
My dad's dead. He killed my mom then he killed himself, didn't affect me at all.
How's it gonna affect you? You were just a baby.
I was never a baby! I had to become a man then and there!
You're still a baby now.
A baby with a man's heart! I'm...a warrior.
My dad is just like a stare and say nothing weirdo, and if he died...well, ya know? What are you gonna do about it?
I actually get along with my dad. You know, we drink a lot of beer and we go hunting. If he died...whoa...That'd be fucked up. But hey. [nudges Toki] It's your dad that's gonna die. My dad's safe!
Toki Wartooth's father is on his deathbed. Gentlemen, our psychological death expert, Dr. Ralphus Galgensmelter.
Toki Wartooth has become a messenger of death. Everything he touches with his love will die! FOR he brings death with him like a blackened cloud, hovering in the cold. Night. Sky. Like the Grim Reaper himself, his guitar is his scythe. He...cascades into the open window of your child's cradle, to suck the very life...from your baby's breath.
What a load of horseshit.
[the band, while sightseeing in Norway, go to a Black Metal store.]
This is my olds friend, Vrunkus Snorge.
Well, if it isn't the commercially successfuls Toki Wartooth.
Guy seems like an asshole.
I am pagans dropped in this conservative hell that is Norway.
Man, what the fuck are you listenin' to?
This ams a demo tape from my band Hestekuk, what means "a horse's dick". Do you like it?
I dunno, it's okay.
Then I hate it!
Hey, where's all the Dethklok albums?
I don't sell them. [scoffs] Too digital.
[reading a pamphlet about Norway] Hey did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world?!
Wait a minute, you mean the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway?
Yeah.
Oh my God, that's lame! This place is lame.
Admit it Toki, Norway's not brutal.
Danbury, Connecticut is more brutal.
Yeah, dude. Tomahawk, Wisconsin, it's way more brutal. At least we got crystal meth!
Oh, he sinks into the darkness!
My drug is still alive in the systems of the now sober, members of Snakes N' Barrells. I however, have a grave warning: There is a long-term side effect, a terrible and desructive side-effect. With enough stimulus, the drug living in their fat cells will ignite.
Spontaneous human combustion!
Not quite. Blue phosphorous snakes will shoot forth from the orifices of the users, and they will go mad with rage.
All of their orifices?
I'm afraid so...
What do you want like a shot or whatever?
Yeah, whatsevers gets us drunks the fastest.
[to the guys behind the counter] You, hey you! Right there, vodka, two doubles.
Gives to us deh bottles.
...'cause we got lots of cash.
Fellas, it doesn't actually work that wan, man.
Not that way man.
But I'll tell you what. [whispering] You guys like shots?
Uh, yeah sure fine.
How 'bout this guys? How about a totally cool shot of ice-cold mountain water?
Oooh.
Chilled with, cucumber slices?
Or maybe you're feeling zazzy? How 'bout some of this, sparkling cherry-applesauce drink?
How 'bout you,Tonto? You look like you have a taste for things south of the border. You like margaritas?
[muttered] Uh-huh.
I think that's a yes!
If you love margaritas, why not try some...lemonade?
This is bullshit! Don't fuck with us! You got alcohol?
We have something better!
What would that be?
An apple, God's alcohol.
[leans over the counter and starts beckoning them] Hey could you come here really quickly? Both of you come here, I just wanna tell you something...
[both clerks lean over the counter] I'm right here.
What's going on?
I just wanna tell you something...
Closer?
Yeah, a little bit, little bit closer.
Hi.
Hi.
Ow ow ow ow ow!
[pulls them to his face] Don't ever fuck with me and alcohol, got it?
TOKI, I'LL KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!
There you are, you scumbag!
[stomping the annoying fan's face into the ground] I'LL KILL YOU!!! [Murderface gapes in astonishment and fear. Toki turns towards him with an insane look] WHATS THE FUCKS DO YOU WANT, MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!
.... What's up bro? What's happenin', huh?
So wait, just so i understand, you're all passing on Takin' it Easy?
Yeah, We pass.
I can't even begin to believe that. You know what! Fuck YOU! I'm keeping that song for Planet Piss.
So I'ms in Planet Piss now?
NO! Fuck you, you're not in Planet Piss! You fucking greedy asshole! No.
I'll fucking sues you Murderface! Thats mine!
What?! What are you fucking doing!? (inaudiable) Are you going to throw a basket of hot towels on me?!?
Yes I'm going to throws the basket of hot towels at you!
I don't think you should!
Why not?
Because, those towels are really hot!! Don't fucking throw hot towels you lunatic!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
