Well, Fatty... dat's was not great back dere, how you killed an entire orchestra.
Looks cool but it does not reflects on us very well. Fatty Ding-Dongs, wes woulds likes to haves a words wid you, fathers to son.
Now, we know that it's totally your fault that the London Philharmonic was sliced in half by a laser beam, and we know that you're sorry, we know that. But I guess... hmmm... I guess we'd kinda hoped that you'd use better judgement, y'know? And as your fathers, we, uhh....
(Angry) Aw he ate my fucking shoes little bastard! He ate my Civil War shoes! (Murderface walks up to Fatty Ding Dong and has a slap fight with him) They're fucking irreplaceable Civil War shoes! YA FAT SON OF A BITCH!
I think I know what you are all trying to say. I... uh... um... I think we have to build a space helicopter.
Ah, well, that's impossible, but I think I may have a better idea.
Oh he'll be fine, he's fat.
[While shooting a music video for the instrumental 'Crush my Battle Opponent's Balls', a mechanical dragon malfunctions, starting a fire. Chaos ensues all over the set, killing and maiming everyone, except for Skwisgaar, who is left hanging in the air from a harness.]
Ohh... this thing squish my ball... Eeegh... I might throw up -
Oh, cool, yous gots a new shipment of custom guitar!
Yeah, dis is uh, some designs I'm messings arounds with, uh... dis one is, um, is Swiss Army-tar. Is good guitar for a camping trip, s'got toothpick.
Yeah, good tone, what's that one right' theere?
Uhh, is just an ant farm-itar. They, stills workings on it.
Nice! I'd like to stand on that thing.
Yah, an' this is the Gibson Excalib-itar, you know, and here's my... guitar made from the wood of Christ's cross.
Awww, get ready for a billion e-mails. Here comes the offended religious weirdos.
What's offensive about the most religious instrument ever?
[Skwisgaar is trying to give instructions to a stage hand on the set.]
Okay, let me explains again, in prefectly clear English, I wants, flys in, on, a dragons, okay? How many times I gots to tell this peoples?!
SHStage Hand
I know, there isn't a dragon.
I know, dat's what I'm telling you!
SHStage Hand
But that's what I'm telling you.
So go get one! What are you doing here?! Go! Go get one! Now! Go, go!
SHStage Hand
They don't have them!
Are you telling me dere out of dragons?
SHStage Hand
They never had dragons.
[infuriated] Get dis guy out of here! Finds me a dragon!
Okay, pulls it togedder. Don'ts lets the stress gets-in-to-you! Yous is the fastest guitarist alive, dere's no pressure! OH GODS, I cant's do...
[Skwisgaar buries his head in his arms and cries, his eye makeup is running down his face. Charles Ofdensen knocks on dressing room door and enters.]
Hello, I'm fine, just... getting high!
[Toki yanks a tooth out, with black spots of decay on it.]
Yeah. Got any other questions? I'll be right here!
Your teeth are falling out because of your free candy from your free endorsement deal.
Well, then, shut up! Oh, by the way, teeths grow back!
Yes, they do! Dont's you remember beings a little kids when you teeths woulds falls out and grow back and you would get the old one under the pillow so the ancient Norse god Orthar, the tooths collector, woulds leaves you a Pickle's Nickel?!
[A yell is heard.]
That came from Skwisgaar's dressing room!
[The oxygenating hand aquariums, part of Skwisgaar's Hand Insurance Policy, are stuck to Skwisgaar's hands.]
I don't know whats to do! This solid crystal oxygenating hands aquariums won't comes off!
SKWISGAAR, YOU GOTS TO GETS ON STAGE SOON!
Clank them together! Over your head! Burst them! Hurry!
[Skwisgaar clanks them over his head, only producing a tinkle, and the hand aquariums are barely even scratched.]
I thinks I has diabetes. I'm gonna take a fucking nap.
[William Murderface's "Murderknobs" commercial.]
[voice-over] Over a million babies and ladies die every hemisecond. That's why I use Murder Knobs.
[spoken] Doorknobs for a new world.
[Pickles the Drummer's "Pickle's Nickels" commercial.]
[voice-over] I'm Pickles the Drummer. And our country's experiencing a horrible problem - nobody is using nickels. Use nickels.
[spoken] Nickels is money too, guys.
VOVoice-over
Paid for in nickels by the US Department of Treasury.
[Nathan Explosion's "Explosion Sauce" commercial.]
[voice-over] I guess I've always hated my father. Explosion Sauce changed that.
[spoken] Explosion Sauce - it's good on its own.
[Toki Wartooth's "Willard Wonka Candy" commercial.]
[voice-over] I Toki. I slips in and out of diabetic coma. They should makes insulin-flavored candy. Whatever.
[spoken] Candy: tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy.
[Nathan pours out several dozen watches from a bag onto the table.]
Dude, I thought you hated wearing a watch?
I smash...them. [smashes watch with fist]
Uh yeah, I- I mean they're mine, but...
[rummaging through the watches] Whoa that's nice. What is that, a Hamilton? [drops it and stomps on it] Well, that's... you know... fun.
Check it out, losers. Direct your attention to my crotch. See it?
[Murderface displays his purchase, a sharp and lethal-looking codpiece.]
Best purchase ever. It's not a big deal; it's just totally diamond-encrusted and titanium-based...
Oh, whats a coincidence! I gots a real cool codpiece too!
[Toki turns on a bright green strap-on vibrator and stands up to display it.]
Uh, that's a dildo? A strap-on dildo?
Aww, screw you all off! My codpiece is the coolest!
Oh lighten up Mr. Dooms N' Glooms, embezzle is metal.
Who's the guy embezzling from, you know, anyway?
Well, he is embezzling... from you.
[Dethklok is conducting their annual employee evaluation interviews.]
Okay, so, uhh... number 421. You, ehh... you are part of the sector eighteen, recording studio maintainence clean team. Okay! Uhh... qui... couple questions. How, do, you, value, your, what you contribute, of, to, at the work force? Ehh... second part: which, do you most, can't, the least? Skwisgaar?
You write these questions?
Okay! Well, 421, do you have an answer?
K4Klokateer 421
I am a highly skilled microphone cleaner my masters, and what I most can't the least, would be do not a bad job, but always a good.
Okaaaay... good answer...
Well that's all I got, uh, guys?
No, I got one more question, and answer honestly! [long pause] Are you the guy who's embezzling from us?
[long pause] Okay... I believe you.
