Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[in Dipper's body] How's about you hand that book over?
No way, this is Dipper's! I'd never give it away!
Hmm, you didn't seem to have a problem taking it for your own play, or ditching him when he needed you. So come to your senses. Give me the book or your play is ruined. There it is. I mean, who would sacrifice everything they've worked for just for their dumb sibling?
Dipper would.
[in Dipper's worn-out body] What is this feeling? My body is burning. I can't move these stupid noodle legs. Curse you, useless flesh-sticks. Body shutting down. Must... scratch... mosquito bites.
[After Dipper and Mabel are forced to blow up the puppet show to get rid of Bill]
Don't worry. I've seen enough movies to know this is the part where the audience thinks it was all part of the show and loves it. Cue applause!
[the audience boos them and leaves]
Gabe. Stick around for the wrap party? We've got mini-quiches.
Don't speak to me, Mabel. You've made a mockery of my art form. Let's go, my loves. [leaves, kissing his puppets]
Did he just make out with his puppets?
I might've dodged a bullet there.
[Soos inserts "Romance Academy 7" disc into hard drive; a "Year 2000 Electronics" title screen is shown]
Man, I can't wait for the year 2000.
[the main menu for "Romance Academy 7" pops up; the options are "Start," "Quit," and "Shizenhakka" (Japanese for "spontaneous combustion")]
Ehh, start. "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom, anthyding can hadplen." That is so true.
Oh, hi there. My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books? [options for "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!" appear]
I'm really feeling number two here. Click. [buzzes] Ah! I messed up.
That's okay. Try again. [Soos clicks "Yes of course!", awards him "100 Love Points" as coins and a cat fall down the screen]
Wow, I'm learning. And games are making it fun.
What would you like to talk about? [options for "Your interests!", "Samurais!" and "Squids!" appear]
I'd rather just click your face.
.GIFfany: Ha ha. You are so funny.
Man, this game is amazing. I don't know why anyone abandoned it.
And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend.
Boyfriend? Oh my, Giffany. It's almost like you're actually alive.
Yes. Almost. Haha, Haha, Haha, Haha.
Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh.
[appears at once on several TVs] That's not important. [appears on several more TVs] What's important is that you don't have to talk to real girls ever again. You and me can be together... [appears on all the TVs at once] forever.
You don't understand, Wendy. This animatronic badger sings, it dances—it's the perfect money-taking attraction. But he won't sell it to me.
This is literally too dumb for me to care about.
Please, let my friends go. I'll do anything you want, I promise.
I seem to remember someone promising to be my boyfriend. Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. Do you really think that Melody will take you back after this awful date? I can download your brain into the game, with me, and we'll be together forever.
Ah! Stay back!
Come on, Soos. Don't let me delete you too.
What do you say, boyfriend?
I say GAME OVER, GIFFANY!
[at the Mystery Shack door holding a lantern] Well, hello there, traveller. I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road. A place so remote that no one can hear your screams. [the traveller backs away] Pretend I didn't say that. Come in, come in, but be warned—if you enter, you may be subjected to my tales. "Tales Designed to Sell My Merchandise".
[he starts cackling and thunder crashes with the "Tales Designed to Sell My Merchandise" title appears; he stops for a beat]
Sorry, I was thinking of somethin' funny I heard earlier.
Movies are great. You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you - next thing you know, you gotta raise a kid, your life falls apart. Forget that last part.
[Watching a cartoon chosen by Mabel]
You did it, Shimmery Twinkleheart.
No, you did it, Cinnamon.
[with Twinkleheart] Because you believed in yourself.
[Stan and Soos groan]
Everything about this is bad.
Well, that just put me 90 minutes closer to death. Time you kids learned to watch the classics from my day.
Ooh, old people movies. Get ready for references we don't understand and words we can't repeat.
Those monsters are just tiny clay figures moved around one frame at a time by an antisocial shut-in.
Those people are called animators.
My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket. For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher. He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals. I helped him build a machine which he believed had the potential to benefit all mankind, but something went wrong. I decided to quit the project. But I lie awake at night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done. I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind. [He holds up the memory erasing ray.] Test subject One: Fiddleford. [He shoots it. The screen goes to static and comes back on] It worked! I can't recall a thing. [Static] I call it the Society of the Blind Eye. We will help those who want to forget by erasing their bad memories! [Static, McGucket is more disheveled] Today, I came across a colony of little men, very disturbing. I would like to forget seeing this. [Static. McGucket's lab is a mess and his arm is in a cast.] I accidentally hit another car in town today. I feel terri-bibble! Terrible. I've been forgetting words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effects... [static. McGucket has a beard and is filming from a motel.] I saw something in the lake, something big! [Rips his hair out, static.] My hair's been a-fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow. Hey, are my pants on backwards? [static. McGucket is wild-eyed and filming from the junkyard. Maniacal giggling and speaking gibberish:] Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov! [which is Abtash for:] Bill Cipher! Triangle! [The tape ends as McGucket forms a triangle around his right eye]
[reading a postcard from his father] "Sorry, Champ. Couldn't make it this year. Real busy again. See you next year for sure. -Dad."
Hey, don't sweat it, cuz. You'll see him next year.
Heh. Yeah. "Next year".
[Soos puts the postcard in a box with several other similar cards]
I'm gonna go lay down. You party without me, dudes.
Let the Globnar begin.
So anyway, can you make anything fall in love? Like that snake and that badger?
Hmm, ah gee, I dunno. That might be kinda hard to- [points at the animals] KABOOM! Match made.
They're gonna make a "snadger"! How are you doing that?
Love potion, yo. I got it all: summer love, young love, anti-love. You just gotta put a little on your fingers, and pow!
I need that potion. How much would it cost? And would you accept squirrels as payment?
Whoa-ho-ho! No way. You might think you know what's best for people, but this stuff can have major social consequences. That's why it can only be used by a serious expert.
Love God! Sign my face!
Only if you sign mine, baby, LET'S GET WEIRD!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
