Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEE!!!! Where are you, little buddy?! Come on, little bro! Speak to me! Tell me you're alright! CHEESE!
Bloo, what's going on?
Cheese! Speak to me! SPEAK TO ME!
Yeah, I like potatoes.
He was eating soap for me finding him.
Potatoes smell like flowers.
I pooted.
[to Bloo] I dislike you with great intensity.
A laundry chute. It's perfect! The lunatic can never find-
(muffled) Heeeeeeeeelp!!
[spits the water out] *gasps* Wilt!
Sorry!
What were you thinking?!
(feeling worried) Sorry!
You really scared me!
Sorry!
For now, hide me back in here before he finds me and I get squashed!
So- (shakes his head) Say what?
Hide me in here before I get squashed.
You really take your hide and seek seriously!
I'm not playing hide and seek! I'm playing hide and not get my face pulverized!
I don't know that game.
The other big, scary, new guy wants to punch my face in at 4:00 p.m. Apparently, I said something that seems to "offend" him!
What did you say?
Nothing.
A bunch of us were becoming the silliest persons awhile ago, and nowadays, the other new guy likes to walk in. And besides, he's really tall, so I asked him, "How's the weather up there?"
A joke!
A joke?
Yeah.
(getting really steamed) A joke?!
I'm not laughing, giggling, chuckling, cackling, guffawing, snickering, tittering, snorting, tee-heeing, chortling, and sniggering!
Must go over your head.
Over my head? Was anything supposed to happen to jokes?
I don't see what the big, tall deal is.
Of course you don't! No one ever does! "How's the weather up there?" Well, how's the weather down there?!
Partly cloudy, 20% chance of- You know what? This isn't helping me. Just shut the door and put it on gentle.
Oh, no, I am not helping you hide! I, for one person, applaud the other new guy! You're getting exactly what you deserve to do!
(overjoyed) A racecar bed?! I'm finally getting a racecar bed?!
No. You're getting your own "desserts"!
A real taste of your own medicine!
Is it bubblegum flavored?
No, Bloo, but you're gonna take it cuz you must take it anyways! Your own days of insensitivity towards us non-smalls are over nowadays! Before the clock strikes four and goes, it strikes!
Oh yeah? Not if I strike first.
Deo, honey, baby. Why ain't you dressed? Why ain't you going to get dressed? We wanna go-go-go.
NO! I'm not doing any appearances, corporate speaking gigs, sleeping in a cage or trying to stick my head into every guy's underarm ever again! I QUIT!
What're you saying, kid? Don't mince words.
I quit! I just wanna get something to eat, then go home to see my friends! I quit!
You can't quit.
Sure, I can. Watch. I… QUIT!
I own you, kid. That contract you signed--that wasn't an acting contract. It was adoption papers. So, as your legal guardian, I say YOU CAN'T QUIT!
But... I didn't wanna be adopted!
"But I didn't wanna be adopted!" Well, you shouldn't have gone on television saying that you did! You ASKED for this! Now, you are gonna get into your little costume and you're gonna perform your live variety show for millions of TV VIEWERS LIKE WE PLANNED! YOU GOT THAT, You JERK?!
[gulps] Y-Y-Yes, sir...
Not so fast, Deo! You're not going anywhere! I created you! I OWN you!
No, Kip. You didn't create me. Mac, my favorite best friend, created me. For I am Blooregard Q. Kazoo, imaginary friend. Not some flashy marketing campaign designed to get people to buy a shoddy deodorant product that doesn't seem to work. [audience gasps] That's wright, audience. Deo Brand Deodorant doesn't really make people smell all things better.
[Family, dog, and cat gasp, Chris throws his Deo Brand Deodorant and another scene where an old woman faints]
You think I care that people know my product stinks? You think I care how PEOPLE stink? I DON'T care! [audience gasps] In fact, Deo Brand Deodorant makes people smell all things so WORSE!
NOOO!
That's it, pal. We're taking you downtown.
You're spending the rest of your life rotting in prison.
Arresting me? For what?!
Article 254, Section 3: False Advertising.
NOOOOO!!!!!!
Look. I saw you doing extra school work during recess.
Bloo, I wasn't doing extra school work. I was in detention.
Detention? For what?
Blowing spit wads.
[During the credits]
Today's story was about how you should really accept your friends for who they are. Don't try to change them, just 'cause you think they should be different. Especially if it's going to end up blowing up in your face and get you adopted off to a bunch of little kids. Always ask yourself, "How's this gonna affect me?" Learn from my mistake and accept your nerdy friend for who he is.
Why are you telling me this?
Sounds to me like someone's jealous!
Not jealous, journalist. [Mac rolls his eyes] I heard that!
So, do we need to get our awesome jet cars for now?
[sarcastically] Oh yes, they're in the mail.
Yes!
Um, Bloo. I think he was being sarcastic.
Oh. But who cares? We're getting jet cars! Jet cars, dude!
No, see, he was just saying that because it isn't true.
So he was lying?
No, he was using sarcasm. He said the opposite to make it funny! Ha ha!
That wasn't funny. Knock-knock jokes. Knock-knock jokes are funny.
[sarcastically] Yeah. Knock-knock jokes are hilarious.
That's what I'm saying.
No, I was being sarcastic.
Stop it. That isn't a serious dare.
Frankie, explain sarcasm to Bloo.
What? You don't understand sarcasm?
No.
But you use it the rest of the other time.
Right. I use it for the rest of the other time.
See? You just used it.
I did? Sure I did, Frankie.
You're totally trying to mess with us, aren't you?
Sorry, but teenage boys come up with the grossest imaginary friends. I mean, they are seriously disgusting.
I know you are, but what am I?
And mature.
I'm counting on it.
I'm telling Mom!
[after Terrence gets electrocuted and peed his pants] Who's a scaredy baby for now?
[Terrence runs away]
[on a camping trip, Wilt is stuck in quicksand as a bear has just shown up]
Run for your lives, boys! I'll stave him off!
What about Wilt?
Don't worry Mac. I'll probably sink before the bear gets me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
