Dude, I need you to grab the emergency hammer.
I'm not breaking the window.
No, I need you to knock me out.
How about you just ask Sussie to calm down a little?
[Whimpers again] I can't...
What the... [Pauses video game] You're embarrassed, aren't you?
[Laughs] Darwin Watterson, the fish who grew legs at the expense of his guts!
[Darwin squeezes his head back out]
SSussie
Which noise do you prefer? ALALALALALALALALALALALALA! or AKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!
[Sticks head on top of Sussie and Darwin's seat] Excuse me, Sussie, but can you be a little quieter, please?
SSussie
Certainly, young Gumball, I'd be more than happy to oblige!
[Gapes before sticking his head up and motions taking his hat off]
That was me, taking my hat off to you.
Was it...REALLY necessary...to take me over the sandbox?
I didn't want to do this, man, but it's the only way! You need to learn that words can hurt.
GVGame Voice
Round 1! Fight!
[charging a power blast] Your head is so big that you have to put your shirt on feet first! [Shoots energy balls at Gumball] Big head! Big head! Big head! Big head!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
You keep using the same move!
[Shoots an energy ball] Big head!
[Gumball echoes and collapses]
GVGame Voice
Darwin wins! Perfect! Round Two! Fight!
You're so ugly that when you entered an ugly contest, the judges said "no professionals"! [Shoots an energy ball]
You're so dumb you put stamps on your e-mails! [Shoots an energy ball]
You're so short that your head smells like feet! [Shoots an energy ball]
Your brain's so small that your thoughts have an echo! [Shoots an energy ball]
Your cheeks are so big that people don't know which end of you they're looking at! [Shoots an energy ball]
[Camera cuts to reality, Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert cheers looking unamazed while Gumball and Darwin are still pretending to be in the game]
Your face is so greasy that people put on weight when they look at you! [Shoots an "energy ball"]
TTobias​​​​​​​
Nyeh, it's not as good as I thought it'd be.
[Tobias, Banana Joe, Anton and Bobert leave, still making cheering motions. Camera cuts back to the game]
You're so bald that when you take a shower, you get brainwashed!
You're so-- Ah! I got nothing!
[Gumball shoots an energy ball that dazes Darwin. He immediately closes in for the finish.]
You're so chubby, the back of your head looks like a pack of wieners.
[Gumball takes Round 2 with a Street Fighter-esque uppercut move. He then performs a victory pose]
GVGame Voice
FINAL ROUND!
Wait a minute. Pause! [pauses the "game"]
CClayton
[Panicking] GUYS, GUYS, GUYS! [Gumball and Darwin stare at him angry] The skull guy, he's real, HE'S REAL!
[Sarcastically] Yeah, sure. The skull guy that I made up actually exists. Oh, don't tell me. He's seven feet tall, covered in tattoos, and he's about to burst into those very-
[Razor burst and breaking into the doors with his guitar growling looking at Gumball, Darwin and Clayton]
CClayton
[Determined] You know what time it is?
[Scared] Time to change my pants?
CClayton
No, it's TIME TO KICK SOME BUTT!
(Gumball dials the tech support hotline.)
RReceptionist
Hello, and thank you for calling our technical support.
Hi! I have a problem with--
RReceptionist
To book an appointment with one of our technicians, press one. To place an order-
DAGNABBIT, YOU STUPID ANSWERING MACHINE!! IF I WANTED TO SPEAK TO--
RReceptionist
Well, excuse you, sir. If you did this job all day, you, too, would end up talking like a machine.
I ran over Santa on Christmas Eve! I'm definitely on the naughty list now. Wait! Good deeds cancel bad ones.
[Using a GPS, Richard drives recklessly through private houses on the way to drop Gumball, Darwin and Anais at Elmore High]
Dad, why do we have to go to school?
But why would I need a job?
GGPS
Continue ahead. [the car drives forward on an unfinished expressway]
Well, why do I need money?
To buy the stuff that the TV makes us want. [the car continues forward and drops down a great height]
But why do I need to buy stuff?
Because if you didn't buy stuff, everyone would be out of a job and no one would have any money.
Wait, so I have to work for the rest of my life to pay for stuff that I don't want, just so that everyone else can suffer the same horrible fate as me?
Exactly. [the car crash-lands onto another expressway and continues on, causing traffic accidents]
You just live your life without thinking, don't you?
I believe you are underestimating me, son.
If you think I'm letting you send them out into danger, you got another thing coming!
Well, if you think I'm gonna let you mess with my family anymore, you got this chair coming!
[Nicole takes the chair and hits Granny Jojo but the chair bounces off]
Good luck trying to stop me, Nicole. I've safe-proofed this whole house.
[Nicole throws a flower pot at Granny Jojo but it bounces off again]
Everything breakable is now plastic.
[Nicole takes a lamp and hits Granny Jojo but it bounces off]
Everything else is rubber.
[Nicole takes a painting and hits Granny Jojo but the paper tears and goes through Granny Jojo]
Apart from that, which was paper. A good mother prevents accidents before they happen.
[Scene changes to a fire background with Nicole's eyes burning with anger]
[Nicole pounces on Granny Jojo and starts pulling her ear and uses her hand to slap her face]
[Scene changes back to Richard and the trio who are still squeezing out of the door, then Anais pops out and hits the car]
Anais': [Puts her finger on his lips] Hmmmm...
[Scene changes back to Nicole who is still slapping Granny Jojo until they hear the car's engine starting]
[Scene changes to the street as Nicole and Granny Jojo watch Richard drive off]
NOOOOOO! You've sent them to a highway of eternal doom in a chariot of pain and despair! MY BABIES! MY BABIES!!
Oh please, Richard is perfectly capable of driving to the store.
[Richard runs a red light, causing a major traffic accident]
[Shocked] I'll get the car.
[The episode opens at the video store, where Gumball is trying to rent a movie, but, inexplicably, an invisible barrier is standing in his way as he struggles to put the film on the counter.]
What's wrong with you this time?
(straining) This movie is so sucky, my body refuses to rent it.
Then don't rent it and get out of here.
NO! I promised my sister!
(takes the movie from Gumball) Here, let me try.
[Darwin runs to the counter, but the barrier emits a powerful force that knocks him back, causing him to fall backfirst.]
You're right. This movie's so bad that every atom in my body refuses to pay to see it.
(views the film's cover) Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. (gasps) A Pony's Tail?
You know, there are less painful ways to hurt your eyes. You could pour salt in them while staring at the sun, for example.
I'm sorry, Carrie, but we promised Anais we'd do something she wanted today.
We never realized how unbearable it'd be, and we haven't even watched it.
Come on, we're already late!
Carrie! (checks Carrie, then speaks to Darwin, quietly) I think her horror movie brain got traumatized by an overload of pony cuteness.
I THOUGHT I WAS A HARDCORE HORROR MOVIE FAN, BUT I WAS LIVING A LIE! (grabs Gumball by his shirt) Tell me, is it wrong for a punk-rock chick who lives in a haunted, malevolent mansion to be touched by the magical friendship of a pony?
Uh...no. But could you tell your pet to stop rubbing itself on my leg, 'cause that's kinda wrong.
[Below, a translucent, disembodied hand rubs Gumball's leg.]
That's not a pet. That's my grandma.
[Gumball makes a confused face.]
I don't know. She kinda bites her nails sometimes.
WE ARE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS CARRIE'S FREAK SHOW OF A FAMILY! WHERE IS THE DVD?!
Uh, it's in the DVD player.
Really? After all that's happened today, I didn't think it'd be that easy as pushing a button to-
[When Darwin presses the eject button, the DVD flies out of the window.]
Yeah. That makes more sense.
I think I know what this is. This is a dream where I am naked in public.
Dude, you're always naked.
Well, yes. It's probably why I dreamed about it so much.
[his clothes disappeared quite suddenly, he got naked] Wait a minute, if this is your naked dream, does that mean that... Whoa! [He covers his naked body with his hands.] Well! at least we're not in public.
(Darwin is dragged into the dream's climax as Gumball dances after him.)
HEY! What do you think you're doing?!
I can't help it! Your dream is too strong! You have to believe I wouldn't betray you!
It's kind of hard when I'm watching you betray me right now!
Well, it's your dream! Just think of a different ending!
(Gumball imagines a brick wall, but Darwin smashes through it.)
Maybe something less painful?
(Darwin reaches Penny and dips her down.)
Hurry up! Think of something!
(Gumball's next thought shrivels his lips away.)
Can you think of something less horrific?!
Sorry, I just thought if you didn't have lips, you can't kiss Penny.
Of course I can. It'll just be really hideous for her. [Darwin's lips return to normal] Think!!
(as his lips pucker) I'm sorry! You're making me do this! I'M SORRY!!!
(Darwin begins kissing Penny...)
(Gumball's pineapple explodes as he desperately cooks up another thought. When Darwin stops kissing, he discovers Gumball has replaced Penny's face...with Sussie's!)
[Darwin screams in terror as the boys awaken.]
Why did you make me kiss Sussie?!?! I can wash the kiss off my tongue, but IT'LL NEVER LEAVE MY BRAIN!!
[The episode starts in a candy wonderland game where Darwin is collecting sweets. Then, he gets a power-up, and grows wings, but, he cannot fly over a wall ahead. The scene changes back to reality as Darwin is using badminton rackets as wings, and tries to "fly" over the "wall," which is actually the shed, but fails repeatedly]
[Furiously pressing buttons on a controller] Why aren't you flying? I'm pressing the right buttons!
Because, no matter how loud you shout, I still can't break the laws of physics!
Then break the laws of biology! You managed to grow legs, just put some effort in, and grow some wings!
Well, maybe you should be better at controlling me! [He angrily throws the rackets onto the ground]
Because your face is a muscle. The more you train it, the more awesome it looks.
And the police said I have to wear this thing for...
[Changes to Mr. Robinson's house]
Six weeks. And I can't leave the house or it...
[Back to Wattersons' house]
Sets off an alarm and I'll be...
[Back to Robinson's house]
Sent to prison. And it was all...
RRRichard and Mr. Robinson
HIS FAULT!
Dad, could you explain that again, this time using full sentences?
I'd love to, but I'm too busy...
[off scene] Plotting my revenge!
[All the Wattersons hear Mr. Robinson shouting]
Hmm... I see what is happening here.
Boys, I need you to sneak into Mr. Robinson's house. There's this old prank I used to do in collage.
Okay, high school. Just do as I say.
Mr. Robinson, we need you to stop this feud or you and Dad are gonna end up in prison.
GRGaylord Robinson
Almost there... darn it! [pulls back in the long stick, which is made up of household items that have a long reach]
What are you doing, anyway?
Trying to get back at your father, but this thing's still not long enough!
[On the end of the stick, there is a bee taped down to a pencil.]
What the wasp?! Mr. Robinson! This argument has spiraled into madness! It has to stop.
Not till your father pays for what he did to my car.
Then you leave us no choice, sir. Darwin?
[Darwin gets Mr. Robinson's alarm clock.]
Stop the feud, or I reset your alarm clock.
No! I won't know how to reprogram it!
How would you like to wake up at six? Seven? Eight? Or nine a.m.?
Nine a.m.?! I'll lose half the day!
You know, this can end anytime you like.
Humph. Do your worst. My bladder will wake me up at five anyway.
Well then, how would you like your radio tuned to young people's music?!
[Darwin turns the radio to a "young people's music" station, and a parody of the song "Baby" plays.]
AGH! HE SAID THE WORD "BABY" OVER SEVENTEEN TIMES! TURN IT OFF!
[Darwin turns the radio off.]
Okay! Okay! I give up! I'll end the feud. But please, can you do this one thing for me in return? [pulls out an envelope] I can't leave the house to post this letter. Would you do it for me?
Sir, it would be an honor.
AAlan​​​​​​​
No, I love you more because I also love, loving you—
Sorry to interrupt. But can you please stop this?
Alan: What?
THIS! This hideous picture of happiness.
[Masami, Carrie and Leslie chime in, agreeing with Gumball]
I'm don't like it when you two use your stupid pet names and your gross lovey-dovey faces. You don't see me and Penny acting like that.
Because you're not going out with her?
IIdaho
You two are so beautiful, it makes me believe I, too, can find love. [Angrily] But when I look in the mirror, I realize I'm just a dirt covered ball of starch!
[Alan moves to Idaho]
Alan: But Idaho, if you wanna be loved... first, you gotta love yourself.
LLeslie​​​​​​​
[Angrily] Yeah! You're so nice and sensitive too I can't even hate you!
MMasami
[Angrily] You're so perfect, it makes me wanna rain on your parade until you swell up, turn brown, and rot!
[Carrie is confused, while everyone is silent]
[Clicks tongue] Uhhhh... I think what Masami is trying to say is that you guys are so perfect, it kinda makes us wish for your downfall.
MMasami
Uh-huh, why don't you go and be perfect somewhere else?
[Everyone walks away except Alan, Carmen, Gumball and Darwin. Gumball looks guilty, while Darwin pats him on the back]
[The scene cuts to the dreaded detention room itself, where the kids in detention are messing things up and trashing the room. Nigel Brown barges in and stops the ruckus.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! These are the new inmates. Make sure they feel welcome.
[With dried eyes] Can I blink now?
NBNigel Brown
You're not gonna last two minutes in here, little fish.
[Principal Brown exits, and slams the door. Gumball and Darwin turn around at their new "inmates," looking scared. They start talking with each other seemingly through their thoughts]
Gumball. Can you hear me?
Yeah. What will we do? These ugly filths look like they were raised by hyenas in a post-apocalyptic future.
Ha ha! Especially the cupcake. She looks like she was made out of rotten eggs, and foot fungus.
RCRotten Cupcake
I'm a boy, dork bag.
Ugh! Even her voice is gross. Wait, hang on. How can she hear our secret thoughts?
RReaper
'Cause you're talking out loud, homie.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Well, I cheated on a math test,
teacher says I gotta pay.
[in unison with Darwin and the other detention kids]
Doin' time up at the schoolhouse
and it gets worse everyday.
I've done a lot of bad things
as freedom went away.
[In unison with Gumball and the other detention kids]
I've seen a lot of sad things
and it gets worse everyday!
GDGumball and Darwin
[singing in unison]
I never was a bad guy,
'til I was put away. Now,
I'm stealin', cheatin',
lyin' and it gets worse everyday!
They think I learned my lesson,
that crime just doesn't pay.
But stuck here in detention,
I have found another way.
I'm the baddest kid in the prison,
and I get worse everydaaay!
[The song ends as the inmates trash the detention room once again. Nigel Brown barges in again.]
NBNigel Brown
SILENCE, YOU ANIMALS! I WANT THIS ROOM CLEANED UP BY LUNCHTIME, DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Mom, instead of milk, can we have chocolate milk?
Instead of eggs, can we have chocolate eggs?
Instead of bread, can we have chocolate bread?
No.[Sighs] Richard, can I get a little help here, please?
Sure. [Walks to the kids] Here kids, [Grabs a chocolate bar] stop bothering your mother and eat this chocolate.
[Nicole groans and swiftly kicks the chocolate bar out of Richard's hand]
What the...?! Well what's the point in dragging us here if we're not getting some kind of treat?!
[Strained voice, speaks through gritted teeth] Because we're having a nice family outing and that should be reward enough.
[Gumball starts to whimper]
[Screams and cries while lying down and bangs on the floor] I WANT THE CHOCOLATE EGGS!
[Nicole sighs, and just as Anais and Darwin copy Gumball, Richard starts screaming. Gary walks by and gives Nicole a judgmental stare]
[Grabs two cans of hot dogs and speaks in a high-pitched voice while staring at the one on her right hand] Oh, Mommy, I want some chocolate. [Stares at the one on her left hand in a normal pitched voice] I'm sorry, little sausage, but you had too much candy this week. [Closes her eyes in a high pitched voice] WAH WAH WAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! [Squeezes the can in her right hand so hard it explodes; normal voice] Now all the little sausages are punished and going to have to wait in the car.
You paranoid nut bar, that stuff doesn't work.
Then why are you holding a basket full of lipstick?
Three colors, five dollars! It'd be stupid not to buy it!
[As Anais stares at him, Gumball realizes what she's saying]
This. Is. Perfect! If we use those tricks on Mom, we can get anything we want! It's foolproof! [Starts singing happily] Who's getting candy? [Points at Anais] Owww, you're getting candy! Uh! Uh! [Starts dancing]
I'm getting candy! [Twirls around] And he's getting candddddy!
I'm getting candy?! [Pretends to shred on an air guitar] Uhn! Uhn! She's getting candy! [Points at Anais]
Mmm, mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm getting candy, [Points at each of the three boys] you're getting candy, he's getting candy, he's getting candy, she's—
[The Wattersons walk out in disappointment]
(Whistles) Hey, William! Feast your eye on this! [He squirts shampoo on Williams’s eye but missed, squirted in his face.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! oh, wait. It's not that bad. (laughs) It’s baby shampoo.
[William focuses on Darwin]
[Gumball pushes Darwin out of the way, just as William unleashes his psychic power at the spot where Darwin was. He crumples some pipes, causing the room to fog up]
WWilliam
You cannot hide from me. Turn Around. Turn around, and face me like men! I am talking to you.
[Gumball and Darwin are huddled in a corner. Gumball sights William coming at them through the fog]
[Whispering] There he is, creeping up on us in silence again.
WWilliam
In silence? [Realizes no one can hear him] Oh, gosh. No one can hear me, can they? I suppose that makes sense, I don't have a mouth. I thought you'd ignored me on purpose all my life. But when you blocked me on Elmore Plus, something...snapped. What was I thinking? I'm so sorry. You must be terrified and confused, I cannot apologize enough-
NOW! [They turn around, with Gumball holding a tennis racket. He swats William, and William flies out of a window]
