CColin
[In DVD recording] Greetings, Gumball Watterson, from our secret lair.
Isn't that just the library?
CColin
[In DVD recording] So, you think you're too good for us, eh? Well, you'll soon change your mind when we upload your embarrassing school record in a web video hosted by none other than you.
[In DVD video recording, pretending to be Gumball]
CColin (Pretending to be Gumball)
My name's Gumball Watterson. and my IQ is smaller than my shoe size. I wore diapers until the age of eleven and once got detention for calling Miss Simian "mum."
[Screams] He looks just like you!
CColin
[In DVD recording] Our revenge plan is almost complete.
CComputer
[In DVD recording] Uploading. Ten minutes until completion.
CColin
[In DVD recording] [Evil laugh] And, cut! How was I? Evil enough?
Great, now the nerds are bullying me! Do you want me to deal with this on my own?
No. When someone picks a fight with one of us, they pick a fight with all of us. Everybody, get in the car. We've still got time to stop them.
But where is their secret hideout?
[Gumball and Darwin are playing with a plastic toy wand that they got from a cereal box.]
[Gasps] Magic wand! [Runs, then falls over] Can I have a turn?
Sure, but it doesn't really --
Cool! With this, I can make all my wishes come true. [Waves wand] My first wish is that this doesn't turn out to be a big fraud. Like that stupid wishbone!
Well, when I was a boy about your age...
[A flashback plays, where a young Richard and Granny Jojo break a wishbone.]
I wish that the sausages would fly into my mouth. [He opens his mouth, but nothing happens] Mom, I made a wish on the wishbone but nothing happened.
What did you think, that it was gonna come true? Magic isn't real.
[Gasps] You mean, it's a fraud?
[Richard screams throughout his childhood, including his teenage years, which we hear him hitting puberty.]
[Voice-over] And I didn't stop screaming for 15 years.
[Richard can be seen screaming in his yearbook photo. As an adult, he screams at the movies, and finally, during his and Nicole's wedding. Flashback ends.]
I never believed in anything again. But I believe this will be different. Now, I've got some wishing to do! Hehe, hehe, hehe!
[Mrs. and Mr. Robinson are destroying Richard's car] This is what happens when you mess with Gaylord! This is what happens! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! THIS... IS... WHAT... HAPPENS!
They look kind of angry, Gumball.
DSDoughnut Sheriff
Please, stop! Please!
[Mrs. Robinson turns around, hissing, as she is about to assault the Doughnut Sheriff with the duster, making him more nervous]
DSDoughnut Sheriff
Please, ma'am, drop the duster! Please! No, ma'am! [Pulls out his taser] No, no! [Zaps Mrs. Robinson]
[Mrs. Robinson falls down. The Doughnut Sheriff realizes his mistake, and Mr. Robinson slowly turns his head to see the electrocuted Mr. Robinson.]
[In slow-motion] MARGARET!!
DSDoughnut Sheriff
No, sir, no, please!
[Mr. Robinson angrily jumps over the Doughnut Sheriff, ready to attack him with the golf club, then camera cuts to the electrified Mr. and Mrs. Robinson]
Maybe we should give them time to calm down.
Well, it seems like it's just not my day, but that's ok, because it's nothing a good song won't fix! [Singing] When life hands you lemons, you gotta make some lemonaaaade... [Breathes in, about to sing louder, but is stepped on by Hector]
Where did you get your clothes, the Lost and Found?! Hahaha!
Well actually, yes, I did.
Ohh, where did you get your clothes, the circus?! Haha!
Dude, we kind of just went over this already, Lost and Found.
Where did you get your clothes, the swim shop and the hat shop?! Hahaha!
[Principal Brown opens the door]
WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR BRAIN FROM, THE DOLLAR STORE?!
[Sees Principal Brown leaving him shocked, Banana Joe and Idaho walk away, Gumball smiles nervously at Principal Brown]
Seven hours detention, for hurting my feelings.
[Hands over a pink sheet] I'll see you after school.
FINE! [Takes sheet] OW, PAPERCUT!
[Principal Brown reenters the room. Gumball starts crying soon afterwards]
[Both look directly at the gross jar which mysteriously creates an eyeball. Gumball and Darwin scream]
Dude, where did you find an eyeball?
I-I didn't. It must be the atomic power of the microwave.
[The microwave dings, and smoke appears]
It looks like it's alive.
[Gumball opens the microwave door, then takes out the gross jar. Eyes and a mouth are created]
Did you hear that? It called you "Mom."
Hmm. Then I guess that makes you its dad.
Its dad?! Aah! What are we gonna do?! I don't want to be a baby father! Let's ditch it!
Shh! Don't say stuff like that in front of him! I mean, come on. He's kind of cute. Hello, little guy.
[Kenneth laughs]
Don't you worry about a thing. Me and your father will take care of everything.
[Off-screen] Give it back!
[Scene changes to the Wattersons' dining room where Richard, Nicole and Gumball are aruging while Darwin and Anais watch in fear]
[Richard snatches the hat and Nicole and Gumball slams him to the ground]
But I'm on Hat or No Hat tomorrow!
Stop it! [All stop and look at Anais] Look at what you've become! This stupid hat is driving you crazy!
It's not a helmet or a hat! It's a piece of tinfoil! And it's tearing this family apart! Look at you! You're behaving like animals!
[Sighs] Anais is right. That helmet has such a grip on us.
It's like its magic is taking control of the person who wears it!
Ha! Well, since none of you guys want it, I guess I can have it back.
No! Me and Darwin have been talking, and we've decided it has to be destroyed.
What?! You can't destroy it! I'm nothing without it!
I'm sorry, honey, but Anais is right.
[Anais walk towards Gumball]
Can- can I have one more go?
No! [Snatches the helmet out of Gumball's hands]
No! No! No! It's mine! Aah! Aah! No! It's my helmet! [Tries to get helmet back]
[Richard and Nicole stop Gumball from taking the helmet, while Gumball goes crazy]
Dude, chill out. It's just a bucket with some tinfoil on it.
Aaah! Give it back! It's my helmet! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
JMrs. Jötunheim
What have you done to my son?!
JMrs. Jötunheim
What's the one thing you know about giants?!
JMrs. Jötunheim
Yes, and so are their emotions! I wasn't making his life boring, I was making his life calm! You have to keep giants calm!
JMrs. Jötunheim
Because if you don't, then that happens!
[In the distance, Hector is attacking the town and causing destruction]
HHector
IS THIS BORING, OR THIS?! DO YOU THINK THIS IS BORING?! CALL ME BORING NOW! [Swipes down the Robinson's house] IS THIS BORING?!
[Margaret is in shock about the house]
[Reading newspaper] Close the window, Margaret.
[Hector squashes the police car]
Well, uhh, I think I'll-uh call it a day. [Runs off on foot]
[Hector approaches the senior citizens and yells]
HHector
I AM NOT BOOOORIIIINGGG!!!
[The senior citizens, except for Louie, are blown away]
[Back at Hector's Cave]
Gumball, what do we do? We have to stop him!
[Notices brooms in the cave] I got it! [Grabs a broom] We'll just fly after him using one of your witch brooms! [Attempts to "fly," but falls flat on his face]
JMrs. Jötunheim
That's a normal broomstick. I'm a cleaning lady.
[Face down on the ground] Oh.
JMrs. Jötunheim
[Takes off her hair clip] The witchy ones are over there.
(At school, Gumball has bags over his eyes, with Darwin watching worriedly)
...Dude, when was the last time you slept?
Don't even ask, man! Mom had me up at 4:00 in the morning, teaching me how to be a winner for that STUPID FRIDGE CHART!!
STUPID?! What's stupid about reaching for the stars?!
(A whistle blows.)
Dodgeball! (Hits Gumball) BOOM! One point! BOOM! Two points!
(Darwin continues throwing the ball at Gumball repeatedly.)
(At the lunchroom...)
See? There's nothing going on. They're just having lunch and chatting.
What do you think they're saying?
(Gumball's suddenly becomes possessed by jealousy, similar to a demon possessing a body)
GSGumball's Jealousy
(evilly) "So, how do you like my STUPID PINK PETALS and my FAT YELLOW FACE?" "Oh, I'm so pleased you like it." "I use it to STEAL GIRLS FROM PEOPLE!!!"
Gumball's jealous of Leslie.
GSGumball's Jealousy
BECAUSE HE'S TRYING TO STEAL MY GIIIRRL!!!!!
(The possessed Gumball storms down the hall sprinting towards the lunchroom, much to Darwin and Carrie's shock)
Oh, look! A bench in the shade. (chuckles)
(The two sit on the bench and sigh vividly.)
You know, after today, I never thought you and me would become friends.
Well, I guess life is just full of...SURPRISE!!
(Gumball, possessed once again by Jealousy pulls a rope, dropping maggots all over Leslie.)
GSGumball's Jealousy
Oh, I see you've met my hungry little friends.
GSGumball's Jealousy
That's right - I glued you to the bench! (cackles) I guess we won't be...INSECT-ING you at school tomorrow! HAHAHA-- No, no, I can do better. (inhales) We'll see how pretty you look after this, LARVAE-BOY! HAHA-- No, still not good. (inhales) That'll teach you for being a...creepy-crawly--ah, you get the point.
(The possessed Gumball walks away, leaving Leslie screaming in anguish.)
HEY! Turn around, you cowards.
Turn around and face the can of butt-whooping that I'm gonna open on you!
Wouldn't it be better to stay like we are for that?
(Gumball and Darwin have a silent debate of whether or not to face the consequences. Their conversation goes on for a few seconds before....)
[Inhales] Okay. [He and Darwin turn around]
[Banana Joe screams as he charges towards Gumball and Darwin, but slips on a water puddle, rushes under them and hits a water fountain, face first. He groans as he slowly becomes unconscious and a bruise covers his face]
Oh, that's just great! Now, people are gonna come around the corner, see him like that, and think we're massive bullies!
(kneels down, crying) Which we are! Because of us, he lost an eye, and we attacked him with a mirror! We punctured his tube of glue, we chewed everything in his locker, he got a huge brown banana bruise on his little face, and we managed to ruin the most precious thing his family ever owned!
(They both cry in guilt)
He did chew that pen, though.
[Sighs] Darwin, we need to talk.
You know, I love you man.
But... I think you have a problem with that phone!
So I've arranged for your butt to be surgically grafted onto your face.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING!
OSOcho's Mom
Ow! Ocho, what are you doing? You're not fighting again, I hope.
OOcho
Oh gosh, did I get a little too intense again?
Psh! Nah. Totally normal level of intensity.
GDGumball and Darwin
Yeeah.
OOcho
[Gets angrier] Are you sure?!
Hoo! Yes. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.
OOcho
[Demonic voice] ARE YOU SURE?!!
Ye-e-e-es! Please go home now!
OSOcho's Mom
Oh, that's good. He can get a little carried away at times. Come on, Ocho! Dinner's ready.
OOcho
See you tomorrow guys!
[Ocho moves towards his mother, and a tractor beam pulls him up.]
OOcho
Can I sit in the front, Mom?
(The episode opens on Nicole, who is whimpering in her sleep in the front lawn. Anais touches her face to wake her up.)
Oh, I just had the weirdest dream. I was out on the front lawn and your father had a job as a pizza delivery guy.
(Offscreen, then shown in a delivery boy outfit) That wasn't a dream. That's what I just told you---and you fainted! (chuckles)
(Back at the house..)
Your father has a job. Your father has...a job.
(Anais is holding Nicole's hand to comfort her, but the woman suddenly jumps up to her.)
Something's gonna go terribly wrong, isn't it?!?
No, this is a good thing. We can finally buy all the things we need.
What do you mean? We got everything we need.
(picks up a family photo) Mom, we've all been wearing the same clothes for the past year, you three don't even have any shoes, (whispers) and I think it's about time Darwin wore some pants.
(Back at the house, Nicole is huddled in a blanket, hyperventilating while Anais sits beside her, comforting her.)
Mom, when you say "Dad having a job has upset the fundamental balance of the universe," are you sure you don't just mean he's changed the balance of power in the house, and that upsets you because you're a little bit of a control freak?
No. Maybe.... I don't know anymore!
(Gumball and Darwin enter the house)
Boys! What's going on with your father?! Has something terrible happened?!
Well, he dropped a few pizzas, so we delivered 'em. That's about it.
Maybe I should just forget about all this...
Anais, it's supposed to be Halloween, not "Sugar-Coated Marshmallow Syrup Day".
You know, that good stuff's got me thinking, what else is cheap in this house?
[Gumball, Darwin, and Anais walk into the living room]
I mean, look at this MP3 player. Now tell me it's not a calculator with headphones stuck in it. [Grabs a copy of "HOW TO RATATWANG YOUR PANDA"] And that DVD is not even the real film. It's some mockbuster from the bargain bin.
What's wrong with "How to Ratatwang Your Panda"?
[On the TV Screen, a section of the film plays, taking place in a dojo]
GCGood CGI Mouse
Get ready, panda, use your secret weapon.
CPChuck the Panda
Okay, you asked for it. [Does a massive fart in the other mice's face]
[Cuts back to the couch]
HAHAHAHAHA! HEHAHA! [Sighs] Clever.
And look at this "blender". You really call this top-of-the-line?
[Gumball turns on the blender, actually a fan blade above a bowl, and puts an orange in it, causing its juice to fly onto the ceiling]
Why can't we have the good stuff?
More importantly, what's mom hiding?
[The home phone rings, and Anais answers]
SVSpooky Voice
For your own safety, stop digging around. There's nothing to find.
Okay, but if we were going to start digging, where should we look?
SVSpooky Voice
Definitely not the attic. Ah! No, wait--! Oh, darn--.
[The voice hangs up as Anais cleverly laughs]
[Still whispering to Nigel Brown] Maybe you should say something.
NBNigel Brown
[Suddenly stops spitting] Yes, I suppose.
[Nigel Brown walks to Lucy Simian, and whispers something into her ear]
LSLucy Simian
[Gasps whilst pulling her dress down] You knew about this, and you thought it was funny, didn't you?!
[Gumball and Darwin simultaneously shake their heads]
LSLucy Simian
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!
NBNigel Brown
Lucy, please. I think you owe them an apology.
LSLucy Simian
Don't you "Lucy" me, Nigel! These kids tried to make a monkey out of me, and you want me to apologize?!
NBNigel Brown
Uh, you kids are free to go.
[Gumball and Darwin leave]
[Lucy Simian goes "ape" and throws furniture around, while making monkey sounds. Gumball and Darwin listen to Lucy Simian's rampage outside Brown's office]
Hmm. There's one thing I don't understand.
Yeah, why did she go ape when we just tried to help her?
No, why do monkeys have hair all over their bodies, except for the ugly part where they need it the most?
