Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[as the Mix 'n' Mingler machine goes to full speed and lifts off the ground] Sorry, folks. Prepare for emergency ejection! [pulls a cord, and he and all the other people are ejected from the machine as it flies away and parachutes emerge from their chairs] In hindsight, a simple ice cream cone might have been more effective.
See?
Who puts a picture frame on a window?
[reading from a card] "Should a nerd save a bully's life, the bully is the nerd's slave for life." "Should" is misspelled.
Duh! It was written by bullies.
Detectives. Perfect. I know what you're gonna do today. Track down my little Mary McGuffin!
Piece of cake. [Ferb gives him a piece of chocolate cake] Ooh, chocolate! Thanks, Ferb. [to Candace] We'll have your little Mary McGuffin back here faster than you can say-hey, where's Perry?
[giving the Mary McGuffin doll to Vanessa] Remember when you said that you wanted a Mary McGuffin doll, I be the world's greatest dad?
[flatly] Yeah, when I was, like, seven.
At last, I have found one. I've been spending years scourging the Internet and the garage sales trying to find the discontinued doll.
[surprised by this revelation] Wow, I can't believe you remembered that I wanted this.
Remembered? I never stopped looking.
Really?
You know, I may be an evil scientist, but it doesn't take a degree purchsed off the Internet with your ex-wife's moeny to show how important you are to me.
[smiles] That's so sweet.
Well, I better run. I bought a used -inator from the garage sale and it's missing a part.
Really? What does it do?
I don't know yet. It's missing a part. But whatever it is, I'm sure it will be pure evil.
[looks at the doll and smiles again] Well, at least, you're not evil.
[The Mary McGuffin doll falls into the hands of a little girl named Sally]
Look! She's perfect, And I just love her!
[both Candace and Vanessa are watching this]
Oh, forget it! I guess I'm just too old for dolls anyway.
Yeah, maybe I don't really have to have the one object that my dad spent years finding in order to show me his affection...
[they both look at each other]
No, actually, I do. [snatches the doll from Sally] Gimme that, kid! [walks away with the doll, causing Sally to cry]
[later on, Doofenshmirtz gets a call from Vanessa about the event while he's cutting a carrot]
So you just took it from the little girl, and left her there crying?! Wow, that is evil! Honey, I am so proud of you! It felt good, didn't it? Yeah, we can build on this.
[singing] Not so bad a dad after all!
Ferb, you must have left your skateboard in England the last time we were there. I know! We could create a highly intricate and sophisticated machine that will transport any object from anywhere on the globe to our backyard!
Why don't you just build a new skateboard?
[awkward silence]
Nah, I don't think so.
If it's all the same with you, Father, we're going to build the machine.
Nerd ain't no piñata!
I still think you should have added more green onions.
Well next time, you can do all the cooking, and I'll stand around coming up with evil plans that ultimately fail. [awkward silence]
Wow, cutting deep man.
That's kind of disturbing.
They should have called it, Let's All Dance Until We're in Intensive Care.
Perry the Platypus, I just...a golf course! A golf course has lots of traps! I should have said that one first.
Now you can get your underwater equestrian patch!
Not if you round up a whole bunch of 'em! [gathers the seahorses together and rides them] Yeehaw!
[singing to We Wish You a Merry Christmas] We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, so bring some right here!
Wha-what...are-are you threatening me? How dare you! No one barges into my home and demands desserts! What sort of plan is that anyway, "Let's go to a stranger's house and in song form, refuse to leave unless he hands over a food dish no one's prepared since the 16th century?!"
'Tis the season to be naughty!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
