Hey, who's taking me to preschool?
Yeah, in a minute, Olga.
No, I’m Helga, Dad, Helga.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Hi, nice bow.
Huh?
I like your bow 'cause it’s pink like your pants.
I love you, Arnold, and I wanna marry you.
I love Arnold! There, I said it! I love him! I love him! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! I'm absitively posolutly in love with the boy! I want to grow up having a fabulous life, traveling around the world with him! Coffee in Paris, roses sailboats, the whole nine yards, I want to have a perfume named after us "Arnold Helga!" I Love ARNOLD!
I guess I'm pretty sick, aren't I? I mean, I once made a likeness of Arnold's head out of wads of his used gum.
You're not sick. You feel your feelings very strongly. You're very creative. [Pauses] Did you say used gum?
So it's okay to be obsessed about him? You know, the shrines, the 3 AM vigils, the chanted spells?
As long as you're not hurting anyone it sounds like an okay way to express yourself.
So animal sacrifices are out?
Yes, I'm afraid so.
If you ever tell anyone, I'll rip your tongue out and wrap it around your neck!
Arnold!
Oh, sorry, Helga.
I just want to say that, that... that you should watch where you're going, Football Head, quit crashing into me all the time! Sheesh! [Helga runs away].
Nice running into you too Helga.
Look at him, all ticked off. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know my secret. What a sap! He still can't even tell that I adore him. [Brainy comes out of a corner and gives Helga a plastic ring.] Look Brainy, this is just weird. How is it that you're standing behind me again? How did you get in this little arch? Where you waiting for me to come into this alley? What's your deal? OK, I am not gonna hit you this time. This one's for free. Today I'm feeling generous, but tomorrow look out.
CCandy
Dino and I had two really great years together, and then we got married.
LLawyer
[going over Dino Spamoni's will] "My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy."
CCandy
YESSSSS!
CSCandy's Son
Can we go now?
CCandy
IN A MINUTE!
EExecutor
[Reading Dino Spumoni's Will] "And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."
BBunny
Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!
DDino
The thing is, I'm Dino Spumoni. The real Dino. Not an impersonator, not a simulation, not a ghost.
Hey, Oskar, he's not dead! I want my two bucks back!
Friends, how many times have we awaken to the frightful cry, "Monkey Man?!" How many times have we seen him with the corner of our eye? Never stopping, always speeding by, a flash of his cape, down the alleys and streets, scampering up fire escapes, like a freaked-out chimpanzee... Monkey Man! Some say he's a force for good, a twisted urban Robin Hood, defending the weak and downtrodden. Some say he's a force for bad, a tricky and conniving cad, forlorn and just plain rotten. Still, others say he's some guy in pajamas, living on stolen bananas. Who knows? Nobody's ever talked to him, but if you find yourself in the Heart of Downtown, keep looking around, because you just might run into him: Monkey Man! The end.
[After Helga discovers a pay phone nearby]
[to Harold] So how much money do you got? [Harold shows Helga two quarters in his hand] Enough for one call each. Hello, Mom! It's me, Helga! I'm stuck at The Chocolate Factory with a moron named Harold. The school bus left us here and we don't have any way to get back. Oh, please pick up, Miriam. [Helga hangs up the phone]
[dials the pay phone] Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.
CCaesar
I've never heard of you! Don't call me again!
[hangs up phone] Oops. Dialed the wrong number.
Just brilliant. You don't even know your own phone number.
Hey, look! The subway! We're saved!
Yeah, great idea, genius. Only one little problem — it costs money to take the subway, and we don't have any.
Then we'll just jump the gate. No one ever gets caught. Come on! [gets stuck on the turnstile entrance]
CCop
Hey! You two kids! Come back here!
[Helga pushes Harold through, while they both run into the moving subway, eluding the cop]
[relieved] Oh! [sighs] That was close. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick!
"No one ever gets caught."
[to Earl] Hey Mister, wake up!
EEarl
What? Who goes there?
Can you give us a ride into town?
There are some crazy midget clowns that wanna kill us!
EEarl
Midget clowns eh? Arr!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.