He's sure gonna be surprised.
Hey, guys, what are you doing here?
[giggles] We're all gonna moon Principal Wartz.
It was Harold's brilliant idea.
All the Junior High Kids are doing it.
It sounds great, guys, but I think I'll pass.
Oh, you're just a chicken.
I am not chicken, Harold. It's just not such a good idea.
That's because you are a weenie. You don't have the guts, is all.
Yeah, you just don't have the guts.
Shh, shh. [heard Principal Wartz coming out of his office] Here he comes. Get ready on three. [Harold, Stinky, and Sid put on some masks and turn around] One...
Are you really gonna go through this?
Shh! Two... [they unzip and grab their pants, Principal Wartz walks down the hallway] Three! [everyone except Arnold bends over]
What the — What is this? [puts on his glasses and sees Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him] Oh, my! Whoa! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid pull up their pants, and run down the hallway laughing] Come back here, ya hooligans! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid ran out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting] You won't get away with this. [to Arnold] You there! Where do you think you are going, Young Man?
But, Principal Wartz, I told you, I didn't do anything.
Well, that, maybe, but you saw the hooligans who did do it.
Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. Just give me their names. Last name, first.
This isn't a joke, Young Man. Do you think exposing portions of your anatomy to your School Principal is funny?
Well, I guess it depends...
Mooning is not funny. It's not a game! You may think it's a harmless schoolyard prank, but let me assure you, it is NOT! Someone could put an eye out. (Someone could lose an eye.)
I'll ask the questions here. Now, for the last time, you tell me the names of the boys who exposed themselves.
I can't do that, Principal Wartz.
Of course you can. It's easy.
If I told you, then, I'd be ratting on the other guys. And I can't do that.
I'm assigning you detention.
Failure to cooperate. I want to see you every day after school, in my office for the next four weeks.
Four weeks, but, sir, I...
That is all for now. [calls someone on the phone he picked up] Now, what is the name of our Art Teacher? Mrs. Flaunt, yes. Ask her to come in here, please, would you? And tell her to bring her sketch pad.
Hey, Arnold. You didn't tell on us, did you?
What did Wartz do to you?
He gave me four weeks detention.
But you didn't even do anything.
You better not rat on us, Arnold! 'Cause you know what will happen if you do!
You think maybe it ain't fair for Arnold to take the blame for what we did?
You mean like, maybe we should go tell Wartz that we're the ones who mooned him, and get Arnold off the hook.
[jumps out of frustration] No, no, no! Arnold got caught; that's his fault, not ours. We got away with what we did, and that is all that counts. Nobody is going into Wartz's office and telling him what we did. Nobody! You got it?
I guess there's no sense in all three of us getting detention.
Hmm. I guess you're right, Harold. You figure he'll crack and spill the beans?
[on the phone] Four weeks? That's hard time, Bubba.
He said he'd let me off the hook, if I tell him who mooned him.
So, you're going to do it?
Why not? After all, you didn't do anything.
If Harold, Sid and Stinky want to tell Wartz what they did, that's their decision, but I'm not going to tell him. I'm not a rat.
Man, that's solid. I mean it's stupid, but it's solid.
See you, Gerald. [hangs up the phone] [sighs deeply]
Students, yesterday, at approximately 3:38 P.M., a heinous crime was committed here in the Halls of P.S. 118. Three of our pupils engaged in a flagrant violation of district rules: namely, the dropping of their trousers and exposing of their fleshy unmentionables to a respected and beloved school official. Some of you may know this despicable practice as "mooning." Well, let me assure you, the culprits will be uncovered! I will get to the bottom of this! That is all.
What if he finds out we did it?
He won't find out if nobody tells him...
No, no, the Third Mooner had a rounder, fuller posterior with a mole on his right cheek. Very nice. Very nice, that's much better, Mrs. Flaunt. Now, Albert...
Right, right. Look, Arnold, I know you are not a bad kid. You'd keep saying you didn't actually display your end region to me, but those other three boys did. Can we agree on that?
Good, okay. Now that we're on the same side of the fence on that point, let me pose this question to you: "What is the harm in just letting me know the names of the boys?"
Well, it's just that I...
You could just let them slip out, or whisper them to me, or we can play a guessing game until I got the answers.
Young Man, I must warn you that unless you'd play ball and tell me the names of the hooligans who exposed themselves to me, I will be forced to take note of your lack of cooperation, and write it down for all eyes and ears to see on your Permanent Record.
I reckon this will go on his permanent record.
I don't know if I could take the pressure.
What do you bet he cracks and rats us all out?
Don't worry. Arnold's not a snitch. He won't rat.
I'm telling you, he won't rat! [to Arnold] Did you rat?
No, Harold, I didn't rat.
Well, you'd better not, 'cause if you do, you know what will happen.
That's right, I'll pound you.
I will, Arnold. You can believe me! [stutters] You know what, I'll pound you so good that you'll be sorry!
Don't think of it as being a snitch. Just think of it as being a good citizen. [gives a box of chocolate to Arnold as an offer] Chocolate cream? [Arnold rejects] You know, Albert...
You know, Arnold. It's not easy to do the right thing.
[looking at Arnold talking to Principal Wartz outside with his binoculars] He's gonna rat. He's gonna rat.
When I was a boy, I found myself in the situation very similar to the one you're in right now.
Mmm-hmm. You see, I witnessed several of my fellow classmates placing a frog in our teacher's desk. When she came back and discovered the frog, she singled me out and demanded that I'd tell her who was responsible.
I did the right thing. I sang like a canary. I tattled on every single one of them.
The culprits were severely punished, and I was rewarded with a gold star. Oh, sure, my classmates were pretty mad at me at first. They called me a weasel, they refused to eat lunch with me, and they beat me up on a regular basis. In fact my reputation as a weasel followed me all the way into high school and college. I was stuffed into lockers, and had "KICK ME" signs taped to my back. I can't tell you the abuse I've suffered from practically every person I ever came in contact with. I didn't have a date till I was 23, but I didn't care about those things, because I knew that I had done the right thing. And in the end, I overcame all that abuse, and I grew up to become an Elementary School Principal. Wouldn't you like to become an Elementary School Principal?
You told him, didn't you?
You are lying. I saw you talking to Wartz. You told him it was me, and Stinky, and Sid, didn't you? Didn't you?!
Because it wouldn't be right.
But you got detention for four weeks, and you didn't even do anything. If I was you and you were me, I would have cracked the first day and ratted you out!
Well, maybe you would have, Harold, but I didn't, and I'm not going to. I gotta go. [Arnold leaves before Harold could answer.]
[to Harold; off-screen] Young Man?
Huh? Oh! Hello, Principal Wartz.
Hello, do you recognize anyone in this sketch?
No, sir. I don't. I really don't, not at all.
Okay. Well, keep up the good work, Son.
I sure will, Mr.— Principal Wartz.
Young Man, I hold here in my hand your Permanent Record. Now you still have a chance to save yourself. Just tell me who the real mooners are. Tell me their names, and I won't have to enter this terrible black mark on your Record.
[to Arnold] You understand that your Permanent Record will follow you all the way to Junior High?
And you still won't tell.
Then, you leave me no choice.
I did it, it was me! I'm sorry, Arnold is completely innocent. I'm the mooner. I am the mooner! [sobs]
And me! We all did it together. [sobs]
Arnold had nothing to do with it.
Oh, he was just a pawn in a horrible, twisted prank!
He's a saint. He's a saint. [Arnold smiles]
Well, Young Man, I suppose this lets you off the hook... [closes the top of the permanent black marker] ...for now.
I had to do it. I just couldn't live with the guilt.
It's gonna go on your Permanent Record.
Yeah, I know, but I'd never figure I'd make it to Junior High anyways.
I feel so much better now that we fessed up.
Me too. I guess we didn't realize it, but deep down, the guilt was driving us crazy the whole time, you know, subconsciously.
Hey, Arnold, do you remember when I said you don't have any guts, 'cause you wouldn't moon Principal Wartz?
Why, you don't have any guts then, but after you showed up to Wartz and didn't rat us out, well, I figure that took a lot of guts. More guts than me and Sid and Stinky got put together.
Yeah, Arnold, you've got guts.
You are just chock full of guts.
Hey, guys, what do you say tomorrow, we'd make a great big old sign that says "KICK ME," and tape it to Mr. Simmons' back?
[giggles] What a great idea.
Everybody would be kicking him all day, and he won't get why!
I know if that's not such a great idea...
Look, it's Helga the bed wetter. [laughs]
Listen, ya big tub of lard, if you ever call me this again, I swear I'll...
Helga, that isn't a very nice thing to play with your little friends.
"But" nothing, Baby Sister— I'll have to assign you detention, for the rest of the week.
