She's gonna ask you for a chamomile. She doesn't want chamomile; she wants peppermint. Okay? She gets a little confused, but do not point it out.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.
Thanks for sending me the speech, Mike. It's perfect-
Great.
-ly shit.
Sorry to interrupt, um, there's been a shooting across the street.
Oh.
Yeah. Three people died, one of them was Emily Lafuente.
Emily Lafuente, the journalist? She was a vicious bitch and a fucking drunk. That's sad news.
I'm sorry to say, in your country you have too many guns.
Way too many. But I think we have a little problem, and it's called the Second Amendment. People think it's their birthright, you see.
To give guns to babies?
Well, only in Arizona.
I would like you to understand that in my country, politics is a lot more honest.
In your country, people fuck snow. And I hope you understand that I say that with the utmost respect.
[on phone, walking out] Yes, I've seen the numbers, Ken. I know that she's bleeding blue-collars. So we're gonna make her look fucking folksy in a London pub.
Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said, "Dan's a fucking terrible campaign manager"?
I would like to shoot him, but there are no guns in this country.
I need a stiff fucking drink. In related news, Ray's talking.
Oh, God! To smart people?
He's currently with a woman from the Bank of England. It's like watching a goat try and use an ATM.
[on phone] Amy, the emu has landed. Jonah's in London.
Shit. Maddox must've sent him here to spy or something. Jonah Bond, 00-Fuck-Off.
Mike, what's your favorite part of this speech?
This is like Gettysburg. "Beneath the dark soil of Passchendale, 100,000 bodies still lie unaccounted for. Let today be their funeral service, and we their mourners."
How about this? "There's a whole lot of guys who never came home. Good guys. Here's to those guys."
Holy fucking Christ. What is that, Ray?
RRobb
Right, so unelected... loony has the ear and minge of the Vice President and he says that fat people——no, fat kids, fat kiddies have sinned in a past life!
Yeah. Do you know how upsetting that's gonna be to fat people? All of America is fat people, that's all we have! All of our children weigh 300 fucking pounds!
RRobb
Well we've got fat kids here—well I've got a fat kid, I don't see her very often but that's er, she's um... Right, we'll ambush the Vice President, we'll get photos of her being surrounded by fat kids dressed as devils.
Seriously?
RRobb
[nonchalantly] Yeah.
Oh, my God! You guys are fucking brutal!
RRobb
This calls for a celebration. Come on, I'll get you the first pint at least.
It's called cosmic balance. It's not anything the Buddha didn't talk about.
Yeah? Well, Buddha's got a big fat ass, Ray.
I believe in karma. Does that make me weird?
DMDan/Mike/Ben
Yes!
People are disturbed by your role—
Yeah, they think folks that are physical can't be cerebral, they think those two things are separate, that they're not... symbiotic.
No, no, no. You don't understand.
No, I do! I do. Look, people think that, you know, the fitness guy, how can he know about politics? I get you, Kent.
[groans in frustration] Again, I don't think you do. People think Selina's judgement is bad if she listens to people like you, whose beliefs are very stupid.
Because I am people.
Oh, you're not getting it.
You know, the brain is a muscle.
No, it isn't!
[later]
You really don't get it, so I'm going to keep this very simple: you're fired.
I get you. Very simple.
Yes, it is.
Great. I'm so pleased we had this talk. Let's see where we all are in a month or so.
[astounded] This is amazing.
Thank you.
What a fucking misery marathon that was. [Looks around] Where is everybody?
Dan had a nervous collapse, Amy's taking him to the hospital, Ben went back to DC, Kent's firing Ray, and I'm in charge.
...Fuck.
I know, right?
I should just go back out there. Did you see that?
Yeah, I saw.
Why? Why am I in London talking about my enormous jiggly-ass ass?
Ma'am, but people love people who were, like, fat, then they're no longer fat.
No, they don't.
Right.
Fat people don't even vote. They can't even be bothered to get out of the house, you know? No food in the voting booth.
Let's get the merry old fuck out of merry old England. Okay, I need to be driven to the airport at Diana speed. Okay, just more carefully, though, please.
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