[entering the office] White House is in the house. Everybody say way-o!
[turning away] The skyscraper of shit has arrived.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Okay, there's a White House request to publish all the secret service office personnel records.
Are you kidding me? They want our records now? What are we gonna do?
Yeah...
What?
Well, we have to release those. And that has got me thinking why not release all of our fucking records? Full disclosure.
Are you serious?
Yeah, publish everything. All of our emails, all of our phone records.
Right, right, 'cause they won't have time to read everything. I mean, you can't read everything. I don't read half the stuff I'm supposed to.
So by showing that we have nothing to hide, then we can actually hide some stuff.
Dan, what do you think about this?
I just think that this could blow up in all of our faces.
Just because this isn't your baby, you don't care to— God, I am so sorry.
Oh, it's fine. It's fine. I mean, it was like a heavy period. Don't worry about it. All right, you know what, guys? We're doing this. I've made the decision that we are going to release all of our correspondence. Full disclosure is now the name of the game. Mike will fill you in on the rest of it. Right, Mike?
Yes, ma'am.
Okay. Thank you. All right, obviously it is not gonna be full disclosure. Okay? It's gonna be partial disclosure light. We don't want to have a paper trail on clean jobs. There can be no- Are you writing that down? Why would you be writing that down? Nothing about Sidney Purcell having access to clean jobs, all right? We have to check Sue's calendar, make sure there are no meetings there that I did-didn't have.
The accidentally racist brochure that we had to shred.
Oh, we're gonna redact that for sure. But the thing is, is that I still think there needs to be something embarrassing in there. You know what I mean?
Sure.
So it doesn't look as if we've just airbrushed the nipples out of this fucking thing.
I think that Ted is getting ready to dump me. [Amy shakes her head] What is that... nodding thing supposed to mean?
No, no, my— processing information. The nod of my head is like I'm buffering.
Oh, well, once your done buffering, what is it that you're thinking?
I don't know. Maybe the thrill is gone.
What do you mean?
Like the thrill of the whole power thing wore off. And now he just doesn't like what's un—
Doesn't like what?
He just doesn't— doesn't really—
Okay, I think you'd better get out of my office.
Hi, everybody. [no one says anything] So no apologies?
For what?
Oh, for what? Oh. "Washington Post." Page 17. You've disclosed an email containing birthday gift suggestions for an unnamed White House aide. "Suggestion number one: a cake in the shape of a dick." [people laugh and Mike points to himself] "Suggestion number two: a smart new hat in the shape of a dick."
Oh, that made it in there!
Everybody knows this is me, guys.
TTed
Hey, you know what? Thanks for returning my call. The message was, "Please don't fucking call me again." So why don't you just take your beak and shove it up some corpse's ass, okay, you vulture motherfucker?
Was that a journalist?
TTed
Yes.
Oh, God! What are you doing, Ted? You can't tell him to fuck his mother!
TTed
Her mother, actually.
What the hell.
The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic.
I know.
We dress you wrong, you're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog. [she gives him a look] Or a ballerina or modern dancer.
Ah, I recognize you. You're one of Selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you? What, are you sappy? Is that it? Preppy?
Actually, my name is Dan Egan.
[to Mike] Did you find out who the President's playing golf with? [off of Mike's expression] Golf! You know, men walking around with sticks, talking about their careers.
Ma'am, Martin Collins, the secret service guy we reassigned... he's back. He's been un-reassigned.
Are you kidding me?
Not great, admittedly.
"Not great, admittedly"? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir.
'Cause of that smiling secret service guy, Amy, 66 percent disapprove. That's everyone in America who's awake right now.
How you feeling?
Well, I'm a political leper, and I'm emotional time bomb. So here's an idea: let's put me onstage.
Maybe you should make an address, okay? Talk about politics and America working together. People—
I know how to give a motherfucking speech! Don't you patronize me with your no-jaw. You, Congressman No-Jaw!
LLarry
You know those dreams where your football coach is, like, screaming at you, you look down, you're dressed like Shirley Temple and all your teeth fall out? That's like a Disney version of the Congressional Committee!
[regarding Kent Davison] He's got ice in his semen.
You know what's gonna happen to me tomorrow?
No.
Yeah. My good friend POTUS? My Gamma Chi brother? He's gonna summon me to his office, he's gonna show me a sword, and he's gonna tell me to take the sword and slide it down my throat until it comes out my ass!
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