Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Uh... When was this Two point me meeting with Selina?
Oh, are you still tracking my every move? I thought we agreed to move on.
Move on from what? We dated for like a week. It was like getting over mild food poisoning.
Look, Amy, I am genuinely sorry that my arrival here has caused you to become so self-conscious and gain a little weight.
Fuck point you.
Whassup, as they say in the late '90s?
Hey, Jonah. Did the President cancel the Chinese premier to come to my 20th party?
No, ma'am. Although I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world if it weren't for the fact that he runs the world. [Selina fakes a laugh] I'm sure his absence has nothing to do with your rift with the first lady.
What? There is no rift. It was one tiny little disagreement and everyone's making it out like we had a catfight in the map room or something.
She'd be a rough fighter, though. She's got big shoulders. Those aren't pads.
Uh, Mike, have you announced Chuck yet?
I'm still working on it, Amy.
Oh, come on. This is not the Hoover Dam.
Yeah, it is the Hoover Dam... filled with shit. And when we announce Chuck Furnham, an ex-oil guy, on the clean jobs task force, do you know what happens with all that shit, Amy?
Uh, does it get used in a clumsy and unpleasant analogy by you?
Look, Amy, oil already hates me 'cause we're closing their tax loopholes and making them pay for cleanup, so now I'm eating everyone's shit. I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this.
And there it is.
You dumped my daughter by text and didn't even apologize.
No, I did. I signed off with colon open brackets.
Listen, is Selina really trying to appease the oil lobby with Chuck Furnham?
I suppose Chuck could be viewed as a gesture.
Chuck is a gesture all right. [gives the middle finger] Do you know what these oil wise guys call him? They call him "who the fuck is Chuck Furnham?"
Hi, Sidney. How are you?
Oh, you know, full of free shrimp.
Hey, here's the thing: Clean Jobs...
Clean Jobs, yeah. What's going on there? You guys got a name yet? You too afraid of wrecking the Earth's resources to print up a press release?
I was actually gonna run a name by you...
Don't say Chuck Furnham. [sees Amy's expression] Do not say Chuck Furnham! If you say Chuck Furnham, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock.
I'm saying Chuck Furnham—
FUCKING HELL!! Are you kidding me? Chuck Furnham, that's fucking official?!
Chuck is oil.
No. No, no. Hey, I'm sorry, no. He's not oil. He's a fucking fossil but he's not oil. We need somebody who is plugged in. The only thing Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss-bag.
You're not gonna believe this. Selina is on next years list of hurricanes.
Ugh, shit! What if it hits and we get a headline saying "Selina causing large scale devastation."
People won't equate you with a natural disaster, ma'am.
Really, Amy? Cause I've met some people. Okay, real people. And I gotta tell ya a lot of 'em are fucking idiots.
[after faking a call from POTUS] FYI, the President is not calling.
FYI, Gary, no shit.
[about Jonah] You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?
I'm gonna get back to the White House. God, I love saying that!
What did you do?
You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 p.m.
Ooh.
7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that.
Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing.
I'm the Vice President of the United States, you stupid little fuckers! These people should be begging me! That door should be half its height so that people can only approach me in my office on their goddamn, motherfucking knees.
I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. That was fuckin' dark. You've gone up 10 levels in my estimation, by the way.
Which means I've gone down 100 in my own.
Sometimes you've gotta go down to go up.
Eh— I am taking the credit for this. I tunneled through the shit, I get the dirty glory. It is me who tells Selina the good news.
You know, democracy is fantastic but it is also fucking dull.
Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep?
No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV. Not on C-Span. The irony would be too huge.
You sure you set this meeting for 8:00 A.M. today?
Am I sure? [stares him down]
Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, of course you did. Of course. Please, stop staring at me like that. Undressing me with your eyes.
I'm adding more clothes, Mike.
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