Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
What do you... What do you have against me?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Oh, you want me to actually say?
Yes, I do.
You lack killer instinct, you're wet, you're green, you're intellectually insecure-
Bullshit.
-You're not emotionally strong enough, you have addiction issues!
That's enough!
I don't think all that, I'm just trying to be Dad's voice.
I'm not saying I would make a better CEO, that's unsaid.
It's not unsaid when you say it.
No, I'm saying I'm not saying it, so, in fact, it is unsaid.
Hey, pal, why don't you go help Willa with her homework?
Ouch, asshole.
So, I just wanted to get the gang together early in my tenure to say, uh, "Yo."
Shakin' the tree, folks. Shakin' the tree. Excuse me. Greg. Are you kidding?
Hey, Tom.
Forgive me, but uh... We talkin' to each other on the poop deck of a majestic schooner? Is the salty brine stinging my weather bitten face? No? Then why the fuck are you wearing a pair of deck shoes, man?
Oh... Yeah... No, well my credit card got maxed out, I'm staying in a youth hostel on, like, $80 a day.
Jesus. How squalid. Dude, are you carrying dog shit?
No... No, it's uh... It's free, right? Is that cool? I mean, I don't want to be melodramatic, but my body is growing weak due to a lack of sustenance.
(bewildered) But in a dog poop baggie?
Yeah, I have a bunch of 'em from back home...
Greg, that's disgusting.
Not really. It's not like they pre-poop them or something, like, it's not like... They're just bags, really. It's just a mental barrier.
Hey. We're down two more points.
Fuck.
Listen, Sandy Furness is here.
What do you mean?
I mean he's here, in the building.
He can't do that. Fucking Pepsi doesn't just drop in to see Coke.
You know sometimes when you leave the party and you wonder what everyone's saying about you?
With me it's usually "Who's that young Han Solo and how do I get his dick in my ass?"
I just hope the seating plan holds. If it does... look out, Middle East, 'cause I can fix anything.
You sure it was him?
You think a lot of people come in here and take a piss?
Maybe someone spilled something.
Yeah, maybe the massive fucking ice sculpture I forgot about melted. It's urine.
This isn't a false flag, is it? Did you piss on your own floor?
Why are you looking like that? W-what if people knew? Gerri, you gotta talk to him.
What do you want me to say?
Well, first tell him where to go pee pee and poo poo.
He came in, he was talking to Stewy. What's he gonna do next, start jizzing in my coffee? Take a dump on my iPad?
Jesus, Roman, you're a walking fucking lawsuit.
I'm in Canada.
Excuse me? Canada? Canada, with the healthcare and the ennui? Why's that, cocksock?
Um... I'm driving my grandpa down for Thanksgiving.
Oh, Greg, fuck your grandpa.
Okay, you're on, you're on speakerphone, Tom.
[long pause] Well, I shouldn't be, Greg.
I went to the market and I bought a crack pipe...
[everyone groans]
That's terrible.
No? All right. I went to the market and I bought a gimp suit.
This whole family is a nest of vipers. They'll wrap themselves around you, and they'll suffocate you.
I'm pretty sure...[elevator door closes] I'm pretty sure that's boa constrictors.
And I'm thankful that I am going to be marrying into one of the most vital and interesting and kind and loving families in the world.
Are you not going to be marrying Shiv anymore?
Ever hear of loyalty?
Sure. Wasn't he one of the seven dwarves? No?
Oh...
Oh, he's a rapper. He was in Wu-Tang?
Look, here's the thing about being rich. Okay? It's fucking great. Okay? It's like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want, the authorities can't really touch you, you get to wear a costume, but it's designed by Armani, and it doesn't make you look like a prick.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
