Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Okay Ben what do we do?!
It's unfortunate but the stakes are too high! We can't just stop campaigning. We stop, we lose!
Good answer, great body! Ann try to beat what he said.
I'm not gonna beat him.
Not with that attitude!
Okay fine! I think you should stop. At least until you apologize to Bobby in person.
April?
I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann!
Andy?
If..I..If...The guy...
Okay!
If you let Newport have the vans they'll just sit there in a lot. If you let us have the vans, they drive around town all day. Free publicity. Everyone will see your logo...which is you all pressed up on some chick with huge cans.
Yeah. It was a helluva day. People need to know about it.
And that is "Groffle the Awful Waffle," a book I wrote and published on behalf of my education initiative. Any questions?
How did Groffle cross the syrup river? And why did you call Mr. Newport a jerk?
...I should not have called Nick Newport a jerk because we need to be respectful of all dead people. I mean not Stalin or Hitler...I'm not calling Nick Newport Hitler.
Ms. Knope I have a follow-up to what I'm now deciding to call "Jerkgate." Are there any other deceased members of Bobby Newport's family you'd like to attack?
And quit ducking the waffle question. Did Groffle use a boat of some kind?
Alright! That's all the questions for now. Thank you everybody.
Are we to assume that he swam across the syrup river?
[Donna is blocking Bill's truck with her Mercedes]
Hey! What the hell guys?! Move!
Alright! Ya'll got your seat belts on?
[Donna throws her Benz in reverse and slams into Bill's truck]
Did you see that!? That son of a bitch just rear-ended me!
Am I dead?
WHAT THE HELL!?
Exactly Bill. What the hell? You just rear-ended me.
That is not what happened.
I got witnesses.
Yeah. It went down exactly as my girl said it did you mean bald man.
[To Ron] Hey what about you? Mister "a man's word is sacred."
Well it is but you're an asshole.
So we can settle this now. I will accept payment in van rentals.
GAH!
Sewage Joe! Ben Wyatt fired you for sending pictures of your penis to everyone and you've come here to pie him!
The little twerp has it coming!
Oh do I dare ya! Please! Give me one reason to take you down. I would love nothing-
[Sewage Joe throws a pie in Ben's face]
Aww Fuck Ben! Sorry!
[Police take Sewage Joe away]
Oh ho! I did it!
[covered in pie] Yeah...Great job.
Last night at approximately 2:30am, I woke up from a dream that felt so real it had to be a premonition. Me, Drake, and the T-Mobile girl were playing baccarat on a private jet. Ann Perkins walks up to me and says "Tommy, tomorrow night, I'm taking you back". Then Blue Ivy Carter high-fived me and gave me $40 million dollars. It was all so real.
Your victory speech, Councilwoman Knope.
Someday, when I'm more emotionally stable, I want to read the concession speech you wrote for me.
I never wrote it.
City Council, bitches!
You OK, boss?
No, not really. I know I should be focusing on this cleanup, but all I think about is Ben laughing in a helicopter with Hot Rebecca.
Who's Hot Rebecca?
She's just this jealousy amalgam I created. [Andy stares confused] I combined all of the giant dark-haired smartphone power goddesses into one woman called Hot Rebecca.
Oooh.
I mean Ben's life is filled with senators and briefings and Super PACs. I can't even get a meeting with some bureaucrat.
[laughing] I don't even know what a bureaucrat is. Everything is gonna be fine with you and Ben because if I know Ben, he too is an amalgam.
No.
Yeah. Point is you're better than Hot Rebecca. You're Kickass Leslie. Long distance relationships are never easy but you never ever give up on stuff.
Thanks.
That's what makes you...
Nope.
...an amalgam. Nailed it.
Your work is appreciated. Eat some corn.
I believe with my help all the restaurants can get healthier. Paunch Burger, Big & Wide, The Fat Sack, Colonel Plump's Slop Trough...which was formally Sue's Salads...until we ran that out of town...
Well, Paunch Burger just recently came out with a new 128 ounce option. Most people call it a gallon, but they call it the Regular. Then there is a horrifying 512 ounce version that they call Child Size. How is this a child size soda?
Well, it's roughly the size of a two-year old child, if the child were liquefied. It's a real bargain at $1.59.
I'm never gonna be a cop. I'm gonna have to be a robber.
Every one of these little twerps is seriously connected. So new plan. Instead of firing them, I'm going to kiss their asses like crazy!
If they don't wanna drink our delicious sodas, we do provide healthier options like Water Zero.
Oh yes let's talk about Water Zero. The name implies that there are zero calories, like most water, but in fact it has 300 calories per serving. Isn't that misleading?
The zero on the label refers to the amount of water in it, which is zero. If you want zero calorie water try Diet Water Zero Lite. It has only 60 calories.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
