Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Why are you here eating alone?
I'm not. I'm surrounded by friends. Friends I don't know yet. And I'm engrossed in this book. It's the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel.
That's impossible.
Oh, she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story.
I've gotten to know the city councilmen pretty well because of my campaign. If you hear them talking about "that blonde pain in the ass", that's me.
Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hot, spinning cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing.
This is the best possible job for me. I could literally make anything sound positive.
Your house just burned down and you lost all your money in the stock market.
It's a chance to start over. Fire is cleansing. And true wealth is measured by the amount of love in your life.
If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me.
Is the menu all set?
Yes I will be providing several slabs of my world famous Swanson ribs.
And I will be providing my world famous $100 lap dances!
Sweet!
No!
So you do a lot of investing?
We like to dabble. I recently invested in some shirts at a garage sale. Left those at a Wendy's on the way home, so... [chuckles, lifts up wine glass and stares at it] The economy.
Hello. You are here because you gave us money. Now we will give you ribs. Also you will watch the debate. If you like the debate you'll give us more money. That is all. Ron Swanson.
Do it! Fierce! Power! Pump it up! 2012! Nothing gets me more amped than Sarah McLachlan!
[Candidates are giving their opening statements]
I'm Fester Trim. Many of you know me as the man who sells you your guns at the Gunbelievable Gun Emporium.
Woo!
I want to tell ya about my idea for assault rifle vending machines.
You might be thinking, what would an adult film star know about politics? Well, I produced and starred in over 400 adult films this year alone.
Woo!
Thank you. And just like Leslie, I know what it's like to be the only woman in a room full of men.
I am Enrico De La Rosa. I believe animals are as important as people. And if elected, I will fight for them as if they are my own children.
I'd just like to say that like Leslie, I don't have people do my work for me. Leslie and I do our work ourselves. My work of course is having sex with men and women on camera.
Once again Brandi and Leslie are essentially the same person.
Okay, listen up folks, we have a security situation here. As you know when we reach the location, I will be conducting a security sweep. Also, from now on, we will be using code names. You can address me, as “Eagle 1”. Ann, Codename “Been There Done That.” April is “Currently Doing That.” Donna is “It Happened Once in a Dream.” Chris codename “If I Had to Pick a Dude.” Ben is “Eagle 2”.
Oh thank God.
[giving her stump speech] What do we want for our city? I'll tell you what I want. I want better schools. I want cleaner streets. I want to expel the violent gangs of geese in Detweiler Square. And I will finally eliminate this city's libraries!
[Applause and cheers from the crowd]
Everybody says they care about the issues, but at the end of the day all anyone really wants is free clothing shot at them from a cannon.
He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go down: In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our demands, and then BAM, I start crying.
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