Who is ready to join the coalition of the willing?
The Moon shall join your coalition!
Look at that, we got the freaking Moon. What are you gonna do without tides, Peru?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I value a good education, so I don't want to see Andy waste his time in college. Of all my co-workers, he's one of a small number whom I don't actively root against. Ah, there I go getting all sappy.
I'm just freaking out. The only thing we have left is work and now he doesn't want to work together anymore. What does that all mean?
I think you know what it means.
Yeah. I should just drag out that tiny park project for as long as possible so Ben and I can keep working together.
That's almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.
No, what I'll do is I'll get the neighborhood all riled up and then maybe they'll ask for an environmental impact report, and then Ben and I will work together for at least another year. Good idea, Ann.
Leslie, for God's sakes...
No, Ann, please I beg of you, will you just shut your beautiful pie hole? Just sit there and let me stare are at you while you silently support me on this gameplan.
Leslie...
[hugging Ann] Shh Ann...
Leslie...
Your quiet support means the world to me, as does your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.
On my first day of college, my father dropped me off. At the steel mill. He didn't think I should go to college.
Tom, will you please tell the committee why we were kissing?
An online dating site randomly paired us up, so as a joke I thought it would be funny to pretend you and I were dating. And then you kissed me as a joke to shut me up.
But we never had any other romantic contact after that?
No, that would be like dating my older sister's elderly aunt.
No it wouldn't!
Ms. Swanson, do you - as you claimed - have evidence that links Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt to law-breaking?
Absolutely. I have several photographs that will definitively prove...
May I remind you that you are under oath and if you lie I will fire you and have you prosecuted.
Nothing! They will definitively prove nothing. Oh, you cut me off. I don't have any evidence! Oh Chris, so silly. OK bye, guys! Leslie, have fun with this trial. Yay!
Your campaign advisors quit. Big deal. You're running for city council again, Leslie. With our help.
April Ludgate. Youth Outreach and Director of New Media.
Tom Haverford. Image Consultant, Swagger Coach.
Ann Perkins. Office Manager and Volunteer Coordinator.
Andy Dwyer. Security, Sweets, Body Man, Javelin, if need be.
Donna Meagle. Transpo', AKA rides in my Benz.
Wh...You guys didn't tell me we were doing this. I did not know I was supposed to come up with something. I...
Ron Swanson. Any other damn thing you might need.
Guys, it's so much work. I can't ask you to put your lives on hold.
Find one person here who you haven't helped by putting your life on hold.
[choked up] I don't know what to say...except let's go win an election!
BBarney
Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
Thanks so much!
BBarney
I will just show you to your cubicle.
I can't wait. I bet it's a big one, huh Barney?
BBarney
The temp agency said that you are fluent in QuickBooks Pro, correct?
Oh right yeah, we should cover that. Y'see, my resume might not actually be accurate, right? So I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't know what QuickBooks are.
BBarney
You don't have any accounting experience?
No, no, no, Barney, c'mon. But you don't have to be an accountant to know that this girl is a 10. Yo, what up, Diaz? Come here often?
NNancy
To my job?
Oh, sharp mouth on her also. Shut it.
NNancy
Is this the new temp who's supposed to help me with the spreadsheets?
You wanna talk about spreading the sheets, we can go back to my place and I will rock your—
BBarney
You're fired!
That makes sense. So I just go out the same way I came in?
Leslie, I don't know the first thing about running a political campaign.
Ann, you beautiful tropical fish. You're smart as a whip and you're cool under pressure. You've resuscitated a human heart in your bare hands!
No I haven't.
You haven't!?
No!
You will. You're that good of a nurse.
Ann don't listen to your head or your heart. Just look at my eyes and say yes.
Okay yes!
Yes! I believe in you Ann.
Thank you.
And your first job as my campaign manager is to start dressing like one. I don't wanna have this conversation again.
Again? You just hired me eight seconds ago.
Wow you're doing a really bad job.
William, Elizabeth!
WWilliam
Leslie, hi.
Hi. What are you...are you coming to see me? Did you hear that I'm relaunching my campaign?
WWilliam
Actually, no sorry we weren't here to see you. We've been meeting with other potential candidates for City Council.
Oh really? So my campaign ends and just like that you find someone else and run theirs?
EElizabeth
Yes that's our job.
...I know. Good luck! But I just had a big meeting with my new advisory board and they're brilliant and amazing! They're real killers.
Leslie! I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.
...Thank you Andy! I'll be right in.
WWilliam
Well uh, good luck Leslie. Honestly.
[William and Elizabeth start walking away]
Well we don't need luck....We are a rocket ship...We're relaunching and we're gonna blast past your candid-and they're gone.
It's true. I no longer have highly trained, professional campaign managers. So what? Are most murders committed by highly trained, professional assassins? No, they're committed by friends and coworkers! ...That analogy was way better in my head.
[Andy and April Introduce Ben to Champion]
That is a three-legged dog.
His name is Champion cause he's the dog world's champion.
Okay I have to ask this, I'm sorry but how many legs did that dog have when you found him?
Three! That what makes him the best! He can do more with three legs than most dogs can do with four.
Except for digging! He's really bad a digging.
And we remembered what you said about making decisions in the house. You wanna be involved, we get that. So, you just say the word and Champion goes back to the pound where he can be put down and killed forever.
...I'm not gonna send a three-legged dog to his death.
Yes!
But I'm also not gonna take care of him for you.
Well it would be nice if you helped a little. Because unlike you, Andy and I have jobs.
...Cruel but fair.
You look like a real campaign manager.
Thanks that's because I googled campaign manager and noticed that they wear a lot of dark colors.
See there's more things to look at on the internet besides naked guys Ann.
...What?
Is there even enough room for everyone?
Here sit on my lap.
No that's humiliating! Can't I at least sit on Andy's lap?
No that's Champion's spot, he called it.
Tom we're already late. Now be a man and sit on that girl's lap.
Yes sir.
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