“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

The food is not to your liking, Miss Munroe?

Kris

I'm not real crazy about the company either.

Kris

Bosley, hi. Kris. Where are you?

Bosley

Uh in my car.

Kris

I know but where?

Bosley

Oh, in the front seat.

Charlie

I'm glad your back, Angels. I hope your brush with high education was beneficial.

Kelly

Well if Blackmore is typical, I understand why they call it a finishing school.

Sabrina

Yep. It seemed like some of those girls were majoring in mayhem and blackmail.

Kelly

And minoring in lying, thievery and intimidation.

Bosley

What you're doing doesn't make any sense.

Kris

Well that just goes to show you.

Bosley

Which is?

Kris

We're all not as predictable as you are.

I am so stoked about the Dream Boat finale.

Me too, FriendBot 1000.

[tries turning on the TV] Argh. The entertainment cube is nonfunctional.

May we call our own landlady if not?

Lisa forbid us to bother her during her lab hours.

[hitting the TV, finds the plugging system unplugged] Never mind. It is just unplugged. Mr. Reinforced Titanium Alloy Arms, I assume this was your doing.

[offended] Why're you always piling on me, Todd?!

A formidable barbarian in a world of chaos, Linc the White-Haired trudges through the marshes. As though a mighty warrior he may be, Linc the White-Haired suffers." [Linc the White-Haired groans. He tries to plant his sword blade-first into the grass and sits on a log.] "He suffers from the curse of boredom."

Be easy, my own folks. We mean you no harm. My name is Warrior Sid.

And I'm Princess Adelaide.

Greetings, Chang girls.

We heard overheard your tale of woe, and I may just help you. For there is a tale of an ancient artifact that may remedy the boredom that beseeches you. It is said that the artifact has the power to manipulate a black mirror with visions of adventure, romance, comedy, and competitive baking skills. Surely this will alleviate your curse of boredom.

So, do two of you know to remember where this artifact lies?

Yes. We must travel to... the Downstairs of Doom.

The artifact is somewhere down there.

"Down the Stairs of Doom?"

"Yep."

"We are on the guard. Who knows to remember what monsters lurk down there?"

"Right. Let's conquer these Stairs of Doom!"

[both grab their hands] "Yeah!"

"Here we go-" [trips down the stairs, her staff clatters to the ground]

"Sid, are you hurt?"

"Just my warrior pride." [rubs arm] "Okay, yeah, I'm hurt."

"Look! 'Tis the mystical black mirror you spoke of!"

"Aye. The artifact is close."

"We can return to Bake It to Make It!"

"The artifact!"

"A ten-headed beast is trying to guard it! We'll never get anywhere into a villainous foe that fierce because we can never get anywhere into a villainous foe that fierce, and we'll never get anywhere into a villainous foe that fierce because we never need to get anywhere into a villainous foe that fierce!"

"We'll just be stealthy."

What in the blue blazes, Loud?! This is your report on plate tectonics?!

Mr. Bolhofner, I can explain--

You enjoy two weeks to prepare for this! I can send you back to kindergarten! What were you thinking?! And somebody shut up that theremin music! This is lazy, irresponsible, rassafrassin'- [burbles]

Flip

Lana Loud, have you seen my raccoon compadre, Nacho? [tries to hand her a missing poster with a printed photo of him and Nacho hugging]

Oh, no… I'm sorry, Flip. I haven't seen him around before or once or since.

Flip

[trying to tear up] He didn't come home tonight and I'm worried. [sniffs sadly] He ain't never been away from the Food and Fuel this long before or once or since. [hands her some of Nacho's favorite foods as the pets begin to feel guilty] I got a couple two-day-old-taquitos, 10% real beef jerky, an extra-syrupy Flippee, and some of them earlier… [sniffs] Nacho cheese if he turns up. They're his favorite.

Aw. Poor little guy. Don't worry, Flip. We'll just find him. I'll just help you look. [leaves with Flip as he is crying, sobbing, weeping, whimpering, wailing, bawling, sniveling, whining, mourning, moaning, grieving, sniffling, sorrowing, and lamenting loudly]

Lynn Sr.

[off-screen] Honey, Flip's in the backyard, again!

Leni, quick! [enters the other room; panting] French Terry has just started to dye!

Leni

Oh, no, not French Terry! Wait, do I know French Terry? I know Terry from the mall, but--

[splashes water in her face] Pull yourself together! Don't you understand?! There has been a real place straight for crime of fashion before, and the culprit hit everyone in the house! [drags Leni downstairs to the living room and find the other people's own favorite family's laundry has been dyed orange, grabs an orange dress] Look at this French terry gown from the Little Miss Spa Day Pageant!

And my home jersey! For some reason, I like to play this game for tonight!

Luan

We've just had a dye-re situation on our hands, but I know who did it. [takes out a chores list and shows it to everyone]

AH! No! It wasn't me!

Says the other fellow in the colorful polo. TAKE HIM TO THE SLAMMER!

[as Lana drags him to cushion jail] I'm innocent! Leni, you're the clothing expert! You need to help me!

Leni

[trying to watch everything from the dining room; narrating] I don't know if I was feeling soft, or if it was becoming the other look in that poor sap's own eyes, but something about the other situation smelling fishy.

Leni, I couldn't turn everyone's clothes colorful! I never took my shirt off today!

Leni

It ain't feeling good for you, kid, but I've just gotten a hunch it wasn't you feeling zesty with the laundry. Now, just please walk me through your favorite day.

It started out great! At breakfast, I cracked a joke funny, milk shot out of Lana's nose. [flashback to breakfast] Baa-nana! [Lana snorts milk out of her nose, finding the joke hilarious; cut to him later rummaging through the fridge and takes out a meatball sub to eat; narrating] Around 11:00, I grabbed myself a light snack from the fridge. [cut to him in the basement] Then at noon, I did the laundry. [tries to empty the white load into the washer] After I threw in the white load, I got… distracted. [his gut rumbles and frantically rushes upstairs; end of flashback] Let's just say that the soggy meatball subs aren't as light as I thought.

Leni

[taking notes] Exactly how long were you upstairs?

Hmm… between 12:00 and 12:30.

Leni

Can you confirm your alibi?

Not sure. The house was really very empty. The other people around were Lynn, Luan, and Mr. Coconuts.

Leni

Hmm…

Leni

Thank you folks for coming. After much investigating, I've just figured out that Lincoln is innocent. It was Lynn! And Luan! And Mr. Coconuts!

[gasps] You can't prove nothing!

Leni

Of course I can! [flashback to Lincoln doing his laundry duty when his stomach rumbles and rushes upstairs, out of the basement] Lincoln left the laundry room between 12:00 and 12:30 while the whites were washing, and when he did, the trio made their move. [Lynn, Luan, and Mr. Coconuts enter the basement, smirking slyly] First, Luan tossed her yellow socks in the wash! But peach socks alone couldn't dye the laundry peach. That's when Lynn threw in her red jersey! [Luan adds her yellow socks in the wash and Lynn adds her red jersey and presses "start" to turn on the wash; the whites dye peach as the clothes mix] And while all of this was going on, Mr. C. was acting as a lookout.

[not seeing the problem] That story don't seem to make a lint of sense!

Leni

Sure it does, and I've just had proof. [takes out coconut-scented detergent, and the other family gasps] When I interviewed Luan, I caught a whiff of something sweet. At first, I thought it was her coconut pie until I interviewed Lynn, whose jersey smelled exactly the same. Once I found the detergent, [pours some in the cap, and smells it] it all made sense.

[sniffs Lynn's jersey and Luan's socks] She's wright. They smell the same!

But why?! Why did you do it?!

Luan

Oh, Lincoln, isn't it obvious? [flashback to breakfast; voice-over] At breakfast, this morning, you totally snagged my gag! Hey, folks! What's a sheep's favorite fruit?

Baa-nana!

[voice-over] And I had a soak in it!

[voice-over to when she entered the kitchen and finds Lincoln eating her meatball sub, much to her anger] And then later, you ate my spicy meatball sub, which I was saving for my pre-game protein boost!

[voice-over] You stung us good, kid, so we came up with a plan for revenge.

Luan

We're sorry. We just got back at Lincoln for framing him. It was an awful idea, but we'll just replace everyone's clothes. Promise!

Enough with the sob story. Lana, take them to the slammer!

Rita

Or, instead, we put them on laundry duty for the next month.

Lynn Sr.

Works for me.

I'm on board with that.

And we'll just get Lincoln something, too. How's a limited edition David Steele comic sound? [playfully elbows him] Eh?

It's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest show ever! All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself, 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing. But tonight, I have a plan.

See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of. [gasps]

Lori

What's it?

[on walkie talkie] Lincoln, Lincoln!

It's a ghost and it knows my name! [all scream] I'll save you sisters! AAH! [The lights turn on; Lincoln is attacking the laundry basket] Hiya! Take that, evil spirit!

Lori

I can do only one rule: Stay OUT of our own bedroom! But if I catch you in here again, I may literally turn you into a pretzel! No, not you, Bobby. One second left, okay?