Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
The virgin always lives the longest in these horror movies. Gosh, my life sucks!
You think your life sucks? One of my apartment tenants might be a flaming homo! [audience laughs] And that ain't all-somebody killed me! [falls down dead with a knife in his back]
Now let's see who you really are. [unmaskes Jason] Old Man Phillips?! But why?
Spanish doubloons in that lake! Thousands as far as the eye can see! It would have been all mine, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
A-a bunch of coins?! My friends are all dead! They're dead, and I'm still a virgin! A virgin!!
Y'know...we can fix that.
Ooh! Stix cereal! I gotta have some!
Silly rabbit, Stix are for kids!
Just give me a little!
He touched me inappropriately!
[Stix gets sent to jail. In Jail, Stix rabbit meets Cookie Criminal]
Couldn't lay off the sugar right?
[crying] But I can't help myself. My mother ate sugar when she was pregnant with me!
You wanna control the sugar? Stop using and start selling. Here, hook this guy up when you're out.
Rabbit, you're out.
Really? But its only been an hour!
You in Alabama foo', an hour's all you get for touchin' a child
[Cut to a scene where a Guide and Stix Rabbit are going around in the jungle]
Selling's a dangerous business rabbit! Had to kill the Fruit Brute, Yummy Mummy, even the Cinnamonkey!
I can handle it...with stuff!
Well, just follow my snout. It's never in doubt.
[whispers to Stix] A snout that big, it should know more than Einstein. Heh! Heh!
KILL THAT MOTHER[bleep]!
[All the refugees around Toucan Sam shoot the guide rapidly. We then see a few chiefs made Sugar]
[referring to the cocaine] Wow! Do you have any idea how rich am I going to be selling this cocaine...SUGAR! [realized and telling the audience] I meant to say 'SUGAR'! Okay! [long pause] There!
[After Stix the rabbit uses sugar to get money wee see children eats suger instead for chocolate, Buzz Bee is used as leverantor. The Stix Rabbit and the Leprechaun are sitting naked in the spa]
I tell ya, the bleeding boys were followin' me around, and one little brasser says, "We're after your charms." And so I said, "Forget about me blue diamonds, and worry about me blue balls, ya whore!" Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah. I never have any idea what you're saying.
[Stix Rabbit's assistant steps into the scene]
[whispering in Rabbit's ear] Bad news, boss: the Rice Boys are talking to the cops.
[standing up with his censored tube out] Men are always talking!
[Scene cuts to the Rice Boys sitting down and talking to the police officer in a dark room]
Okay, okay, I'll crack!
I'll crinkle!
I'll plop!
The Stix Rabbit made us sell the stuff!
Uh...we only brought you in 'cuz someone turned in your wallet.
[Officer holds up wallet. All the Rice Boys look nervous]
Heh...Must-Must've lost it.
[Scene Cuts to Tony the Tiger and Capitan Crunch shooting the police]
Use the hollow-point bullets. They're G-r-r-r-roovy!
Their bones will stay crunchy even when it's soaked in blood! Ha ha!
[Then the cops first kill the two assistants, then Captain Crunch, Then the police kill Tony the Tiger, who is falling down]
Don´t Shoot! I give up!
He is giving up! Shoot him!
[Policemen start shooting on him, and Stix Rabbit is soon in heaven]
[sees a Box of Stix Cereal] Yes! Finally!
[appears] Silly rabbit, Stix are for kids!
Noooooooooo!
[to three guys in lava pool] That'll teach you to vote for Nader! [all of the sudden, hell freezes over] What the hell?!
[In a bedroom...]
[in a singsong voice] I got laid! I got laid! I got laid!
What can I say? Nerds are hot.
[still singing] Gettin' on a message board, gonna tell the internet! Laid! Laid! Laid! L-a-y-e-d! Laid! Laid! Laid! Laid! [hangs from the ceiling] Laid! Laid! Laid! Laid!
Mmm, hot.
[Two movie producers Dean Delvin and Roland Emmerich are both relaxing on the cruise]
You know, movie producer Dean Devlin, I always felt bad about screwing millions of moviegoers out of their hard-earned money with that steaming pile of crap we made called Godzilla.
I know, Roland Emmerich. We should totally remake it.
A remake of a remake?
Brilliant! [high-five]
[We cut to the remake of the remake Godzilla (1998) where Dr. Nick Tatopoulos discovered the giant eggs at Madison Square Garden, which they were about to hatch into baby mutant Godzillas]
The eggs, they're hatching! Run! Run! [they came out of the eggs and chase him down] Aah! [knocks down the gumball machine and released the gumballs which made the mini Godzillas slip and fall down] Whew. [gasps]
[More of them coming, wearing roller blades. They followed Nick to the roller-skating rink and rolled around Nick. Then scene changes when the mini Godzillas dance to the 1970's disco music while rolling on blades. Nick dances to the music as well before the movie is paused]
[angry] We gave you jerks $150 million dollars to remake Godzilla, and you gave us a steaming pile of crap! Again!
[look at each other, and jump while giving each other high-fives] Yes!
[jump on a pogo stick near a cliff] Ooh! Yeah! It’s fun! Yeah! [falls off a cliff and screams & comes back up and he can fly] I can fly!
If Ghostface got voted out, take it from Freddy, that would be a dream come true. Ha ha ha ha! You get it? Ha ha ha ha! A dream! Ha ha ha ha! I kill people in their nightmares. That is what I do, that's my thing.
Fighting boredom is the hardest part of living in the Big Brother house. [Jason Voorhes playing charades, mimes TV, a robot, and a chicken] In case you were wondering, the answer was The Da Vinci Code.
I hope I land on Keira Knightley's underwear!
[sighs] Everyone wishes for that.
[Later]
[to Keira Knightley] I was almost your underwear, ya know.
[when kid 2 gets done raking leaves, he jumps into the pile] Ha, ha! Jerkbutts! [hits a hidden fire hydrant]
I got you, Timmy!
I...can't feel my arms and legs.
You can have my black cherry Justin...Ow, my butt!
Blackula versus Blackenstein Versus the Black Mummy will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you the following program.
["You Can't Do That On Robot Chicken!" parodies the Canadian Comedy show "You Can't Do That On Television!". Scene changes to colorful lockers]
[pops out of the locker] Hey, Sarah.
[pops out of another locker] Yeah, Seth?
Hey, did I ever tell you about my cousin? She eats nothing but pancakes.
Wow. Is she overweight?
Are you kidding? She's stacked!
[The audience laugh as Seth and Sarah popped back inside the lockers. Then the Mad Scientist and Robot Chicken popped out of the lockers, and held up signs. The Mad Scientist's sign says "Hey, Robot Chicken!". Robot Chicken's sign says "Bawk?" as in "What?". The Mad Scientist's other sign says "Why did the chicken cross the road?". Robot Chicken's sign still says "Bawk?" as in "I don't know.". Then the Mad Scientist's last sign says "To die in the name of science!", before grabbing the chainsaw and chases after Robot Chicken out of the lockers as the audience laugh]
[pops out of another locker] Hey, Breckin Meyer!
[pops out of another locker] Yeah, Chinese restaurant guy?
Yeah, yeah. You ever see a cat-gopher?
Cat-gopher? What's a cat-gopher?
Cat go for $6.00 if I put enough MSG on it. [pops back inside the locker]
[The audience laugh]
Ha ha! Seriously, is this the only part of the sketch I'm in? [steps out of the locker] I just spent an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic getting here. Granted, it's in a Benz, but this is horse[bleep]! Oh, [bleep] you! You know what? I'm going home, okay? You can kiss my ass. [leaves] I was in Garfield, mother[bleep]!
[We cut to the firing squad sketch where the Bloopers Host is chained up by El Capitano]
Soon you will be free.
Blue skies! Barthy burgers! Girls!
I meant soon you will be free to watch our movies on demand service.
That's still pretty good.
Unfortunately, the only movie we have on demand is Christmas with the Kranks.
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[We cut to Barth's Burgers sketch where Barth gave Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis plates of ugly, disgusting burgers]
Mac, you know I'm a vegetarian.
Mila, this is Barth's. The only real meat here is in the cockroaches.
I heard that! [squashed the cockroach flat]
[Mila threw up, followed by Macaulay, and finally Barth. Then the dog licks vomit]
Now, that's comedy.
[We cut to Seth Green in front of the orange round couch]
Please welcome our special guest tonight, Vice President of Adult Swim, Keith Crofford.
[walks over and shake Seth's hand] Thanks, Seth. [sits down along with Seth] I just wanted to say that y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
That's great! So, when are we getting renewed for another season?
Uh, I don't know. [now showered with green slime. The studio audience laughs. Crofford stands up, wiping slime from his eyes] Hahaha. You're cancelled.
[Seth is shocked and stares angrily at the camera]
Previously on Robot Chicken!
[Seth Green stands on a set not unlike "You Can't Do That on Television!"]
Please welcome our special guest tonight, Vice President of Adult Swim, Keith Crofford.
[The scene fades to Seth and Keith sitting on the orange couches]
I just wanted to say that y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
That's great! So, when are we getting renewed for another season?
Uh, I don't know. [then showered with green slime. The studio audience laughs. Crofford stands up, wiping slime from his eyes] Ha ha ha ha. You're cancelled.
[Cut to the trial before the Adult Swim Governing Council. Seth Green, the Robot Chicken and the Mad Scientist are trapped by rotating rings like from Superman: The Movie and Superman II. Mike Lazzo appears before them in a spotlight]
Hi y'all, I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo. The decision of the council is now fixin' to be heard.
Guilty!
Guilty.
Oh ho, you're so-o frickin' guilty.
[Seth, the Chicken and the Scientist are banished to the Phantom Zone. The Chicken is holding a sign reading "HOLY *@$#ING ASSCRACKERS!" Seth screams as the Phantom Zone plane spins through space. The Mad Scientist stands silently while looking very nervous]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [takes deep breaths] Aggghhh-!!!!!!! [then the flying saucer hits the plane, smashing it into shards and releasing the captives]
[Two aliens stand on board the flying saucer. Michael Jackson is frozen in carbonite behind them]
I think we hit something.
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Aggghh!! [falls down onto his seat on the link set from You Can't Do That On Television] Ummff!
[now cleaned up from having been slimed in the earlier installment of "YCDTORT"] Hey Seth, what happened to you?"
I don't know. [gets green slimed as audience laughs]
[laughs as Seth wipes the slime out of his eyes] You're renewed.
[Seth, still covered in slime, looks into the camera and grins]
[thinking the game lost] Aw! Goddamn it! [walks out]
[controller stick sticks out, revealing to be a man inside the arcade machine "Saxxon"]
[zipping his pants to block the controlling stick] Thank you, Saxxon. Hello, centipede!
[At the hospital, Mr. Potato Head is witnessing Mrs. Potato Head, who is about to give birth]
Come on honey. One more push; big push! [Mrs. Potato Head pushes, and surpsisingly, a baby carrot comes out instead of a baby potato] You whore!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
