“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

It is my sad duty to announce that our sign language translator has donated her hands to the Needy Groper's Society. In her place we have "Popo", a very special gorilla from the research center who has been studying sign language under the tutelage of my wife, June, for three years.

I'm too overcome to speak about my husband's mysterious death, but Popo has asked to say a few words.

What's that, Popo? (interpreting Popo's sign language) She's saying that this time of great loss illuminates the bonds we share as a community, and for that we must give praise to the Lord. Now she's being very eloquent, saying some very touching things. She's being moving. Still being moving...

It's so moving!

This go-rilla is go-ing places!

(interpreting Popo's sign language) Popo's urging you to dismiss the power of your rational mind. She's using fear of death, playing on your insecurities, there's a rock-solid elegance to the arguments.

So elegant!

We're back! WCRST, Succotash and the Bird in the morning. The Christian zoo radio hooty-hoo featuring Succotash and the Bird in the morning. Accept the Savior, get into the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! We got Christ, we got faith, we got traffic on the 1's, weather on the what, we got Popo the preaching gorilla in the studio, how you doing today, Popo? Kind of making a splash in the preaching scene. Make a splash, make a splash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Well it's 5:55. Let's check in on the 5 W's. We got who, what, when, where, why how's the weather this morning?

Weather's on the traffic, traffic's on the--

No time for-- Succotash, succotash, win some cash! Accept Christ into your heart, look down on us from the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Now, Popo, I understand you're starting your own 700 Club, seven's a prime number, you're in the prime of your life, life could change, win a chunk of change, succocash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Got a caller on line 7, are you there?

Yeah. Did I win some cash?

Oh! So close...was the phrase that pays, and we give praise, bow your heads. Well, thanks for coming in, Popo! Coming up, we got traffic on the 1's. It's traffic every one second! There's traffic, there's traffic, there's traffic, no traffic, there's traffic, sigalert remix!

So if I have sex with that gorilla, the entire world will go to Heaven?

Balls never lie. The world's hymen will be restored. Innocence regained.

Son, it was you who killed me.

What kind of stupid name is "Yoohoo"? Well, when I find that demon, I shall slay him -- to death! (calling out) Yoohoo! Yoohoo!

No, no, no, no. No, not Yoohoo. It was you, damn it! You, Xavier! You killed your own father!

The pride I feel for finally fingering my father's killer is dampened only by the fact that I promised to kill my father's killer. I fingered myself. To death.

I, alone, stride along to strive alone to unify all men in the greasy heat of my unifrier.

This happy place holds magic meaning, for 'twas my mother's nickname. Truckers, delivery guys, men coming in and out of the house all day called her the Grand Canyon, but I never knew why. It's just a great wide gash, spread open for the enjoyment of all to come inside as he pleases and pleasures. Often there's a donkey in there. (Sees a man and woman on the road grieving) Hee-huh?!

A dead child is like pudding. The proof is in the fact that he probably looked like pudding when he got hit by that car. And I think it's time you be pudding his chocolate memory to rest.

Pills are just a psychotropic bond-aid on a biochemical crutch. I took a pill once, and I woke up with a booty hole the size of a wine bottle, fat end first. But did I whine? No, I turned to the bottle. And when I woke up from that, I met up with you fine folks to warn you about pills.

By the end of the day, you will have forgotten all about your dead turtle -- I mean son. (gasps) See?

Recent science has discovered that, for thousands of years, Tibetan monks used gutteral prayer chants to sooth their yellow souls in the yellow face of their yellow oppressors. But in our sophisticated world, who has time for that noise? You've got enough on your plate. Let Fiddelin do the spiritual legwork for you. At transcendental medication, we sonically condense the biodharmic vibrations of over 1,000 monk chants into every pill. Scienspiritific audiologists have found that vibration from a monk's throat doesn't radiate in megahertz but in megahearts.

Come to Jamaica!

If not now, when? If not it, what? If not things, stuff? Side effects include wetmouth, plaid blood, frozen day rate, herniated monsterism, taint misbehaving, urethral screamage, global colostomy face, wrongbody, restless lung syndrome and sexual diarrhea. Do not wake the sleeping yellow dragon. Who says you can't find purity in a pill? Tune in to Fiddelin with your soul.

Where I come from, sharing love without making a profit is called being a whore. And the working conditions here are whorifying.

Now we march. (Marches on a table.) No justice, no chants! No justice, no chant-- why aren't you chanting?!

We prefer the sacred silence.

Oh, break them down with the silent treatment, eh? So devilish, it's clevelish. I can hear it working on you already. (Yells progressively louder into the Monk's ears) You hear that silence?! Can you take it?! The crushing blow of that fiery silence as it explodes in your ear with silence!!! Vroom! Rrrr! Vroom! (Pretends to ride a bike around)