RRick
Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us.
People died, Rick!
RRick
So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? Tweet it, see who agrees.
OThe Observer
Very well! Bear witness to 9/11!
RMRick and Morty
NO!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[The Observer has been run over by a truck.]
RRick
You know what? I say we leave this thing in the street, deny any involvement, and just hope this blows over. Unless, of course, they play this exact clip on a screen in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias.
[The courtroom, filled with Observers, gasps.]
JOJudge Observer
As an Observer, I try to stay impartial, but I am not seeing innocence!
PRPast Rick
I did it, Morty! I killed the version of us that were in Space Jam! Help me with the bodies!
PMPast Morty
Wow! How'd you do it, Rick?
PRPast Rick
It was easy, Morty! Th-- They welcomed death! They wanted out, Morty!
[In the present]
RRick
No, no, no, you don't get it! They begged me! It was a kindness!
DODefending Observer
[to Rick and Morty] Was that helpful?
POProsecuting Observer
It was for the prosecution!
What do you say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something, maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy and you ultimately bail us out?
RRick
Let's take it for a spin! Rick and Morty, we're back, baby!
BBeth
Where are my kids?
RRick
Merged.
BBeth
That doesn't answer my question, and raises several others.
RRick
Oh shit, psychic warfare!
What?!
RRick
Hold on. Grandpa's got this...
[Rick puts his finger to his temple, and ringing is heard]
TThug
Oh shit, run! [the thugs flee]
Whoa, psychic grandpa.
RRick
No, look. [removes a concealed device from his head] Fake temple with a high-pitch noise maker. Run before these guys figure it out!
KKenneth
[watching on monitors] He's a fake, you morons! Like most psychics! Kill them!
"Check this out"?
RRick
Yeah, window jump. Try to say it's my first Taken now.
[Thugs with guns surround them]
It's your first Taken.
RRick
I'm getting my groove back!
TThug
You heard him, boys! Kill him before he gets his groove!
None of this would've happened if you had just unmerged us when I asked! Morty gets everything for free!
RRick
Morty's a dog! People have cats because their affection is earned! I treat you like an equal because I respect you! You... remind me of your grandmother.
In conclusion, without math, planes wouldn't fly and elephants would forget. What is that sound? Who is using airbuds to listen to rap music?!
Sorry, Mr. Goldenfold!
Detention! Class dismissed early so Morty can have instant detention!
You're coming with me, Morty!
Why?!
It's called "detention", not "released-tion!"
[In a flashback.]
MMarvin
Yo Chuck, it's Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Z.? Ay, you know that new sound you lookin' for? Well listen! To! This! [He farts into the phone.] Ha! Got you again, motherfucker!
Wow! Y-You think that guy's cousin wo-would stop taking his calls.
That's not the point!
It seems kinda obvious that these scribbles are, like, the original species that Letters and Numbers came from. So that relic thing probably isn't a "1" or an "I", i-it's probably just, like... a line? It's symbolic of the fact that your people don't need to be at war!
WTWater T
...how do I know you, again?
"Get Schwifty?"
WTWater T
It's still nothing. So mind your damn business!
NSNumber Seven
At least we agree on that.
Looks like your detention is officially over.
Why?
You finally learned how hard it is to teach.
No, I didn't.
Then you... learned how hard it is to learn.
I already knew.
Just go to bed, you ungrateful shit!
NSNumber Seven
Father!
WTWater T
Aw yeah, we're into the same sick shit, huh?
NSNumber Seven
No, my father -- he's found us!
Great, so there's a Heaven! Glad you could learn that by murdering me eight times!
He's got kind of a point, Rick. If you wanna get into heaven, can't you just stop being an asshole?
RRick
First of all, I don't wanna "get into" anywhere. I wanna tap this para-dimension's energy. Secondly, you wouldn't catch me dead in Jerry's generic-ass 1980s concrete-and-fog-machine Heaven.
Well guess what? You aren't welcome there!
RRick
You raise a good point, Jerry. Obviously by accident, my intact consciousness is too atheistic to get channeled to any afterlife worth robbing. It's a paradox. Unless... Morty, pack your parka. We're going to Norway.
Ugh...
RRick
Or I could augment your skin with subdermal heaters--
I'll pack a parka!
WWarrior
Look at this little one! You must be made of piss and dragon balls to reach Valhalla at your age!
Oh, yeah! Y-Y-Yeah, man! Dragon Balls all day!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.