JJ Jareau quotes from Criminal Minds

Hotchner

All right, everybody, right now, what's my worst quality? [silence from team] Okay, I'll start. I have no sense of humor...

JJ

You're a bully.

Hotchner

I'm a bully.

Morgan

You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.

Prentiss

You don't trust women as much as men.

Hotchner

Okay, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't. Ever.

JJ

You are the best ever.

Garcia

Aw, and you're the most perceptive.

Prentiss

(Brings beer and Brad from the bar) Ladies, this is Brad! A real FBI agent!

Garcia

Really?

Prentiss

Really!

JJ

No way!

Garcia

That's exciting! What's it like in Quantico?

It's, eh, quite impressive!

JJ

What department are you in?

That's classified.

JJ

Oh (winking at Garcia and Prentiss) it must be really tough keeping all those secrets.

It's a skill like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. FBI is good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass!

Prentiss

Well, somebody has to do it! Oh, do you have to carry your gun and badge with you everywhere you go?

Affirmative.

Prentiss

Can we see it?

See what?

Prentiss

Your badge.

Garcia

Please.

I am sorry, that's...

Classified, of course.

Prentiss

(takes out her badge) Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?

JJ

(takes out her badge) Or, uh, this?

Garcia

(takes out her badge) Or maybe this?

J.J

Hotch, it's federal.

Hotchner

What?

J.J

If we want this case, it's ours. It's federal. This letter came from across the river, from Kansas City, Missouri.

Hotchner

Interstate communication.

J.J

Puts it in federal jurisdiction.

Hotchner

[to Captain Wright] Sir, this is now a federal case. I would like to retain Detective McGee as a consultant.

Capt. Wright

Whoa, whoa. You're not opening any investigations in my jurisdiction.

Hotchner

I don't wanna fight with you, even though this is a federal case. If we develop any information, I will come to you and your men will make the arrest.

Capt. Wright

And why would you do that?

Hotchner

Because that's how we operate.

Reid

It's odd. If the Unsub were out here, he'd stand out. You know, people would recognize the description.

Prentiss

So where does that leave us?

Capt. Wright

Right where I thought we'd were.

Hotchner

Captain?

Capt. Wright

You said this guy would definitely be memorable. You were adamant. So if no one out here remembers him, according to you, he doesn't exist.

J.J

That's not exactly what we said.

Capt. Wright

It's what you implied.

Hotchner

What do you think happened to them, Captain?

Capt. Wright

I told you, I don't think anything happened to them.

Hotchner

Oh, that's right. You think they all got houses and jobs.

JJ

Go ahead, Garcia.

Garcia

You were spot-on, crime fighters. Military records match. Francis Goehring, forty-two years old. Did a year in the Army, before a bad conduct discharge. Highlight of which was an arrest during a bar brawl in which three other people were hospitalized. Uh, he also appears in the federal database for - get this - aggressive militia groups.

JJ

Aggressive militia groups. Is there any other type?

Garcia

Mm-hmm. That's your federal government at work. We specialize in redundancy.

JJ

So killer satanic cults don't exist, but satanic serial killers do?

Rossi

Lasciate ogne speranza voi ch'intrate.

JJ

Huh, thanks for clearing that up.

Reid

Eh, it's from Dante's Inferno: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

JJ

So that was a "yes"?

Hotchner

A big "yes".

Garcia

I never wanted you to have to do something like that.

JJ

I never even blinked. You do whatever it takes to protect your family. I think someone's watching you.

Garcia

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? [J.J. shrugs. Garcia walks up to Kevin] You.

You.

Garcia

You're good.

You're better. Kevin Lynch.

Garcia

Penelope.

[whispering] Penelope.

Morgan

[On the phone with Garcia.] Just leave it alone until I get there. Hey. Hey. Hard-head. Don't make me spank you when I get back.

Reid

[Yelling so Garcia can hear him] Don't listen to him Garcia! He's all talk. [Morgan hits him on the head] Ow! J.J! He just hit me!

J.J.

Boys behave, or I will ground you both.

Hotchner

Ever since we had Jack, I always dread it when you bring me a case involving kids.

JJ

Why are you telling me this?

Hotchner

Every case we work, every case we don't work comes across your desk.

JJ

Yeah.

Hotchner

And most of the victims are women. And most of them are about your age. It's okay if you lose it every once in a while. It reminds people that we're human.

Morgan

Hotch would never have taken this case. And I say "case" in the loosest sense.

Rossi

Profile the facts as they are without bias. Isn't that what we do?

Morgan

What facts, Rossi? Look at us. We don't have a single file.

Rossi

Okay, let me help you out. Jump right in anytime. Fact one - there are no files, so it seems no case.

Prentiss

But what if there is?

Reid

One fire, fourteen deaths, five suicides.

JJ

All the suicides are connected to the original fire.

Prentiss

And all exactly two weeks apart.

Rossi

Come on, Derek, you can't tell me that doesn't feel a lot like a pattern.

Prentiss

And a timeline.

Rossi

Right?

Morgan

A lot of people lost their kids in that fire. That's a whole world of grief, and for a few... suicide's their only way out.

Rossi

Or someone decided it was.

Morgan

And made it look this way?

Rossi

What if they have?

Morgan

Then we're looking for one very smart unsub.

Prentiss

What was that?

JJ

Bureaucratic red tape. Every case we take, I have to explain why, in terms of cost and size relative to the BAU. They don't always think it's worth it.

Prentiss

They do have four agents doing the work that locals should.

JJ

Just because there isn't a dead body doesn't mean we shouldn't take the case.

Prentiss

Hey, I... the fact that law enforcement, including the FBI, can't help someone until they've been injured is appalling. All I'm saying is it is a drain on the system.

JJ

Emily. Last year in Denver, a woman was being harassed by her ex-boyfriend. Cops knew who he was, but they couldn't arrest him. We didn't take that case. She was finally granted a restraining order three days after he threw acid in her face. Right now, I don't... I don't care about limited resources. I cannot make that same mistake again.

Garcia

[On the phone] Right! 54, native American. Ma'am, I have all that. Look...

Garcia

All I really need now is identifying information.

Garcia

Yes, I... I know what a closed adoption means. Do you know what a court order means?

JJ

[Whispers] We don't have time for a court order

Garcia

You know what ma'am? I am done being nice! If you look to your cursor, you'll notice it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I got her file, now I got her social and now, cause you're grumpy, I'm gonna send your boss these Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines!

Morgan

Who in the hell thinks they can get away with murder in the middle of the day in New York City?

Rossi

Someone patient, who waits for the one who gets separated from the flock.

Morgan

[pantomimes holding a gun to Rossi's head] Bang.

JJ

Is that the spot?

Yeah, thereabouts.

Rossi

Are we boring you? Look, I know you don't like SSA Joyner. Fine, I get it. But we're here to do a job.

Have any of your people ever been cops?

Morgan

Chicago.

Then you'll understand. I take it real personal if something like this happens in my city. I was a beat cop during the Son of Sam. This is worse. He's not just going after one type; he's going after everybody. And I need everybody working on this case taking it personally.

Morgan

You have that.

We'll see.