Elle Greenaway quotes from Criminal Minds

Greenaway

Abraham Lincoln once said, "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." [NOTE: This quote is often misattributed to Lincoln. The earliest instance that Quote Investigator could locate was "in a 1947 advertisement for a book about aging by Edward J. Stieglitz, M.D".]

Greenaway

Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.

Reid

It could also mean chemistry professor.

Greenaway

I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn't go on dates, he doesn't go to parties, he doesn't feel comfortable in front of groups. [Reid looks at Elle, realizing he fits the description] And of course he's a total psychopath.

Reid

Of course.

Greenaway

I can't see why anyone wanna kill a little old lady who collects cats and coins.

Hotchner

Unless somebody wanted the coins. I spent a good chunk of my childhood looking for a 1944 penny worth thousands. [looks at Elle] Yes, I was a little bit of a nerd. Is that so surprising?

Greenaway

I might have something. Barbara Keller was having trouble insuring some coins she bought. The insurance company thought they might be fake.

Hotchner

So the insurance company's blowing up annoying clients?

Reid

Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?

Greenaway

I don't know how it is you know half the stuff you know, but I'm glad you do.

Reid

Do you think that's why I can't get a date?

Greenaway

You ever ask anyone out?

Reid

[nervously shifts his eyes] No.

Greenaway

That's why you can't get a date.

Reid

I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.

Morgan

I never said that. When have I ever said that?

Reid

Every day since I met you!

Greenaway

This morning at breakfast.

Hotchner

Yesterday when he beat you at cards. Um, we've got one minute.

Morgan

Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?

Greenaway

Reid failed his qualification.

Gideon

Well, he can retest in two weeks.

Greenaway

Yeah, but he's gonna be embarrassed about it, so let's not mention it.

Gideon

Yeah, let's not, huh.

Morgan

Not a word. [Reid enters the room] Hey, we're all here for you. I'm serious. If you ever need anything... [places a whistle around Reid's neck and blows on it] just blow on that.

Morgan

Both families had a dog... and both houses had a dog door.

Greenaway

Fielding said that the person he saw was small.

Morgan

Yeah, well, in order to get through that door, you'd have to be 5'4", tops, and real thin.

Gideon

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Morgan

Sherlock Holmes was a fictional character. Whoever did this isn't. We can be pretty sure he's probably found himself another family by now.

Greenaway

Can you get into those records?

Reid

Despite the fact that they were probably expunged, she can find the faintest echo of deletion, successfully recreate the file, thereby sending us all to prison for computer felony fraud counts.

Greenaway

We can make bail.

Greenaway

Gideon, will you tell him that I don't need to go to the hospital?

Gideon

Regulations are regulations. You're all right?

Greenaway

Yeah, I'm fine, 'dad.'

Gideon

Elle?

Greenaway

Yeah?

Gideon

Don't ever call me 'dad' again. [walks away]

Greenaway

[to Reid] How do you think he'd feel about 'mom?'

Reid

Let me know when you're going to do that, so I can run.

Hotchner

What happened to you?

Gideon

[entering the room on crutches] I got a list of things I want to try before it's too late.

Greenaway

[sarcastically] And orthopedic surgery's one of them?

Gideon

No, skydiving. Apparently it's all about the landing.

Morgan

[regarding Max Ryan] I heard he was forced into early retirement.

Hotchner

No, he chose to retire.

Reid

He's written a new book on the Keystone Killer case.

Hotchner

He moved to Philadelphia to be closer to the crime scenes.

Greenaway

That's retirement?

Morgan

BAU style.

Greenaway

You really don't know someone till you take a road trip with them.

Morgan

What are you trying to say?

Greenaway

Look at this car, man. There's empty soda cans and fast food wrappers everywhere. You're a slob. You know, back at Quantico your desk was all neat, but I bet if you looked in those drawers you'd find a mess.

Morgan

OK, we have been on the road way too long. [hearing Elle's phone ring] Aww, that must be the boyfriend.

Greenaway

Yes, it is. [answers phone] Hey Gideon.

Hotchner

Hey, don't knock family. I'm gonna get nothing but for the next 36 hours.

Morgan

Hmm, good for you.

Hotchner

Haley's got a list of chores a mile long and I can't wait. The biggest decision I gotta make is what I'm gonna do first.

Greenaway

I bet you she has a thought or two about that as well.

Hotchner

Bring it on.

Greenaway

[reading the headline] Stripping Bandit. That's terrible. That makes it sound like the bandit's doing the stripping.

Reid

What would you call him?

JJ

Pervert.

Greenaway

Scumbag.

Morgan

I'd call him an ass.

Hotchner

Hey, focus, please.