Penelope Garcia quotes from Criminal Minds

Garcia

I never wanted you to have to do something like that.

JJ

I never even blinked. You do whatever it takes to protect your family. I think someone's watching you.

Garcia

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? [J.J. shrugs. Garcia walks up to Kevin] You.

You.

Garcia

You're good.

You're better. Kevin Lynch.

Garcia

Penelope.

[whispering] Penelope.

Garcia

[as Morgan fixes her chair] You really don't have to do this.

Morgan

Woman, will you hush?

Garcia

I could do it myself. I just can't grip anything too tight yet, and when I tried to do it, it kept falling...

Morgan

Will you sit your motor mouth down?

Garcia

[sits down] See, now, that's perfect.

Morgan

Yeah?

Garcia

Totally.

Morgan

Well, there you go, my sweet lady.

Garcia

My hero.

Morgan

I am nobody's hero. [kisses Garcia on the head]

Garcia

Hey, do you know who Frank Miller is?

Morgan

Frank Miller. Um... sounds familiar. Unsub?

Garcia

No. Graphic novelist. 300? Sin City?

Morgan

Oh! Right, right, right. Cool movies.

Garcia

Anyway, he said something once and it makes me think of you: "The noir hero is a knight in blood-caked armor. He's dirty, and he does his best to deny the fact that he's a hero the whole time."

Prentiss

He might need our help.

Garcia

He didn't ask anyone for help.

Prentiss

Penelope, Rossi is a guy who color-coded his hand-written notes in his notebooks. Blue pen for evidential items, red pen for supposition and theory. The guy is a fussy, anal-retentive, neat freak who never leaves anything out of its place. I would say this is a scream for help.

Reid

[looking at a piece of paper] It's remarkable. Something like this makes you question everything you thought you knew.

Garcia

Yeah. It's like the Monolith in 2001.

Reid

So there was actually a time when something like this was socially acceptable?

Garcia

Oh... you're young. [takes the paper from Reid] The eighties left a lot of people confused.

Garcia

This is, uh, especially sad, though.

Prentiss

All right, very funny, you guys. Very funny. [snatches the paper from Garcia] What'd you do to it?

Garcia

Do?

Prentiss

You obviously altered it in Photoshop or something. [shows the photo to Garcia] That hair?

Garcia

Oh, no, Pussycat. That - that's all you. Garfield High, Class of '89.

Prentiss

[looking at the photo again] You really didn't change anything?

Garcia

I hacked it, as is. You're seriously trying to tell me you don't remember rocking that look?

Reid

Perhaps your lack of recognition stems from a dissociative fugue suffered in adolescence. Say, at a Siouxsie and the Banshees concert?

Garcia

[On the phone] Right! 54, native American. Ma'am, I have all that. Look...

Garcia

All I really need now is identifying information.

Garcia

Yes, I... I know what a closed adoption means. Do you know what a court order means?

JJ

[Whispers] We don't have time for a court order

Garcia

You know what ma'am? I am done being nice! If you look to your cursor, you'll notice it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I got her file, now I got her social and now, cause you're grumpy, I'm gonna send your boss these Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines!

Garcia

[while entering the plane] How come I only get to travel with you guys only like every two years?

Morgan

Trust me mama, it can get old.

Garcia

Oh, right, like the way spa treatments in five star hotels can get old.

Prentiss

Remember the time we got on-board and they hadn't chilled the Cristal?

Morgan

Oh, I almost quit the BAU that day!

Garcia

Hey, you know what? You guys can joke all you like, 'cause I am never leaving this plane!