Jeff and Steve in “The Freckle, the Key and the Couple Who Weren't”

[Jeff is wearing a leather mask] We were just spending a quiet evening in front of the television. In the course of events I swallowed some of her jewellery.

You what?

There was a swallowage incident. I swallowed an item.

Right?

Now normally when I swallow some of Julia's jewellery...

No, no, Jeff please. "Normally"... has never been used in the sentence before.

Well, you know what it's like when you've got your own actual real-life girlfriend. It's like you got a woman with a nudity switch. Sometimes when she's laying there and she's just so, so totally naked, I can't control myself. I just sort of hoover.

OK.

Obviously now and then in the course of any nudity hoovering, you're gonna ingest an item. Now normally, I remain calm, let nature take its course, and in due time slip the relevant item back into her jewellery box.

I see.

Not directly, of course.

I was clinging to that hope.