Chase Devineaux quotes from Carmen Sandiego

Chase

Why must the elevator date back two centuries? Was no one ever in a HURRY BACK THEN?!?!

Chase

In just the last few weeks, this Carmen Sandiego has managed to rob millions of euros combined from a Swiss bank, a high-end art gallery in Cairo, and a Shanghai amusement park.

Julia

Before vanishing without a trace. Headquarters has yet to discern any pattern, except that our perpetrator always wears a scarlet coat and fedora and seems to announce her crimes by making random public appearances beforehand.

Chase

Such as the nearby café sighting earlier today. So we must ask ourselves, who in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Why would a thief draw attention to herself by leaving clues and wearing bold colors?

Julia

Perhaps stealing's a game to her.

Chase

Ha! The game is over! She's in my jurisdiction now, though I question why.

Julia

Poitiers is rich with medieval history. Perhaps she is targeting a priceless antique or historic artifact from one of its many churches, or--

Chase

[slams down on the brakes] Ms. Argent, you are an agent of Interpol, not a museum guide, so you may stop sharing dull facts about boring things. You've been on the force merely a fortnight, have you not? [Julia notices a shadowy figure in her rearview mirror] You have so much to learn, and since you have been assigned to my department...

Julia

Uh, uh...

Chase

I, Chase Devinaux, will be you teacher.

Julia

Inpsector Devinaux, sir--

Chase

Nuh-uh! Sit back, watch, and learn how to catch a thief.

Julia

[points behind her] She's right there!

Chase

Huh? [looks behind him to see Carmen Sandiego using a grappling hook to scale a building] LE FEMME ROUGE!!!! [slams down on the gas and turns the car around]

Carmen

The Eye of Vishnu.

The Player

What is it, Red?

Carmen

I'm staring at something I thought I'd never, ever set eyes on again.

The Player

It better be more valuable than a sparkly blue gemstone the size of my head.

Carmen

Define "valuable." They say beauty's in the eye of the beholder.

The Player

Are you gonna tell me what it is, Red, or--

Chase

Interpol! Open this door!

The Player

Bag the gem and get outta there already!

Chase

I said open up! [rams the door open to find Carmen holding a small bag] Stop, thief!

Carmen

On who's authority?

Chase

On the authority of, uh... [reaches for his badge but finds that it's gone]

Carmen

[holding Chase's badge] "Inspector Chase Devinaux, Interpol." "Chase," huh? Hmph. Let's see what in a name. [throws Chase's badge at him]

Chase

[bursts through the windows] I order you to stop! [Carmen stops; Chase climbs out the window and tiptoes slowly along the wall]

Carmen

You didn't say for how long. [runs away]

Chase

IT WAS IMPLIED!!! [runs after Carmen]

Carmen

[disgusted] Evil. Hmph! My entire upbringing was a lie. Stealing isn't a game. It does harm people, especially when you're willing to steal lives.

Chase

ARGH!!! So close! [drives after the train; his phone rings] What is it now, Ms. Argent?! I am driving!

Julia

Inspector Devinaux, the purported crime scene is actually filled with stolen goods of all kinds. Cash, bonds, art.

Chase

[confused] What? Was the apartment owner not the robbery victim?

Julia

That's what I said. So I did some fact-checking. The owner on record isn't an individual, but an import-export company. But even more intriguing, the places Carmen Sandiego recently robbed, the Swiss Bank, the art gallery in Cairo, the Shanghai amusement park, all have ties to the same company.

Chase

Ms. Argent, what is it you are trying to say?

Julia

Well, what if, for whatever reason, Carmen Sandiego were a thief who only steals from other thieves?

Chase

Grr, no! [his engine begins stalling as the gas tank is empty] No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [his car stops and he steps outside and kicks the door in rage]

Crackle

End of the line. We miss you, Black Sheep. VILE wants a truce.

Carmen

They want me stealing for them instead of from them.

Crackle

You've proven yourself. It's all you even wanted, isn't it?

Chase

Aha!

Crackle

The league's offering you a full pardon. Even Shadowsan's on board. They'll make things right if you just come home, where you belong.

Carmen

I was hoping we'd end up on the side again tonight, Gray. My side.

Crackle

[sighs] Still in a league of your own. [charges up his Crackle Rod and aims it Carmen] Bye-bye, Black Sheep.

Carmen

You weren't listening. I go by Carmen now. [pushes Crackle, causing him to miss his shot; a fight occurs when Carmen yanks the Crackle Rod from Crackle and aims it at him, but nothing happens]

Crackle

Huh. Fingerprint recognition. [goes to grab the rod, but Carmen kicks him to the window]

Carmen

They never protect the face. [smashes the Crackle Rod]

Chase

Carmen Sandiego, you're under arrest! [pulls off the hat, but finds that's it's really an unconscious Crackle wearing Carmen's coat] NOOOOO!!!! [the train begins to move and Chase looks out the window to see Carmen leaving the station] NO!! NOT AGAIN!! [his phone rings] Yes? What is it?

Julia

Inspector Devinaux, we turned up something rather astonishing. I believe it's the Eye of Vishnu from the unsolved Morocco heist. We found it between the couch cushions. Almost as if--

Chase

Let me guess! Almost as if Carmen Sandiego wanted us to find it. Ha! If our thief indeed left such a treasure behind, she must have gotten away with something truly priceless!

The Player

Wait, seriously?! You didn't take the gemstone?

Carmen

Total win-win. I knew Interpol would get it back where it belonged, which left my hands free to take the real treasure: [opens the bag to reveal her old Matyoshka dolls] my oldest travelling companions. Like an archaeology find, the only link I have to my past. [removes a tracking device from the bottom of the doll] I have Gray to thank for using them to bait me. [places the tracking device on a nearby boat] Now, did you wire the proceeds from the Shanghai job to the next non-profits on my list?

The Player

Food bank, homeless shelter, orphanage. Check. I even had time to decrypt the next entry. Another secret VILE hideout, located in Southeast Asia on the island of Java.

Carmen

Just when I thought I was through with islands. [sighs] Paris will be here. We need to stay one step ahead of VILE while we still have the advantage.

The Player

I'll book you a red-eye.

Chief, we have Carmen Sandiego in our sights.