The Player quotes from Carmen Sandiego

Carmen

On top of the world. I can see La Cathédrale Saint-Pierre from here.

The Player

[over the intercom in Carmen's ear] Friendly advice: save the sightseeing for after the job.

Carmen

Ha-ha. Player, glad to hear you're on board.

The Player

You know I wouldn't miss a night out with you for the world, Red. Let's get this party started.

Carmen

The Eye of Vishnu.

The Player

What is it, Red?

Carmen

I'm staring at something I thought I'd never, ever set eyes on again.

The Player

It better be more valuable than a sparkly blue gemstone the size of my head.

Carmen

Define "valuable." They say beauty's in the eye of the beholder.

The Player

Are you gonna tell me what it is, Red, or--

Chase

Interpol! Open this door!

The Player

Bag the gem and get outta there already!

Chase

I said open up! [rams the door open to find Carmen holding a small bag] Stop, thief!

Carmen

On who's authority?

Chase

On the authority of, uh... [reaches for his badge but finds that it's gone]

Carmen

[holding Chase's badge] "Inspector Chase Devinaux, Interpol." "Chase," huh? Hmph. Let's see what in a name. [throws Chase's badge at him]

Chase

[bursts through the windows] I order you to stop! [Carmen stops; Chase climbs out the window and tiptoes slowly along the wall]

Carmen

You didn't say for how long. [runs away]

Chase

IT WAS IMPLIED!!! [runs after Carmen]

Carmen

First class. Sweet.

The Player

My treat, Red. You earned it.

Crackle

Well, well. [activates his Crackle Rod; Carmen turns around to face him] Blast from the past, eh? [fires an electromagnetic pulse]

The Player

Red! Carmen!

Carmen

Dude, seriously? Static cling?

Crackle

Side effect of the directional EMP. So you can about reaching for your phone or fancy toys. They're dead.

Carmen

I know how an electromagnetic pulse works, Gray. You aren't the only one who passed Dr. Bellum's class. And you didn't really think I'd take any of your bait without checking for a tracking device, did you, Gray? [Crackle gives a shocked look] That's right, I wanted you to find me. It's time we tied up loose ends.

Crackle

You were the only loose end until five seconds ago when I captured the elusive Carmen Sandiego. Or should I call you... Black Sheep?

Black Sheep

A white hat? [picks up the phone and reads a text] "Better beef up your security. I got in." [looks around to see if anybody is looking; texts back] "Got in?" Where? Here?

The Player

Hello?

Black Sheep

He... Hello?

The Player

Who is this?

Black Sheep

Black Sheep.

The Player

Come on, what's your real name?

Black Sheep

Black Sheep.

The Player

Okay, usernames work. You can call me... Player.

Black Sheep

Do you really wear a white hat?

The Player

[looks at his white baseball cap] Uh, why? You've never heard of "white hat hackers?"

Black Sheep

That's a thing?

The Player

I have wicked hacking skills, but I use them for good.

Black Sheep

Okay, that doesn't even make sense.

The Player

Sure it does. I just hacked through 27 layers of encryption. So, who do I inform over there about the weak link so you can upgrade your security?

Black Sheep

Are you punking me? Where are you calling from?

The Player

My room, in Niagara Falls.

Black Sheep

[gasps in excitement] Seriously?! Which side of the falls?

The Player

Canadian.

Black Sheep

You're in Ontario!

The Player

Whoah, you really know your geography.

Black Sheep

What's it like there?

The Player

It's alright. [Black Sheep sees Coach Brunt out the window] We have computers, and Internet, and... [Black Sheep runs out of her room] Hey, where in the world are you?

Black Sheep

School.

The Player

What kind of school needs 27 layers of encryption?

Black Sheep

Player, not a good time.

The Player

Can't cite the "no cellphone rule" if you're not on campus. Taking a little field trip?

Black Sheep

What? How did you know?

The Player

Remember how I could never hack past the jammers at your school to triangulate your location? Well, guess what. Your phone suddenly lit up on my dashboard. It looks like you're currently traveling en route...

Black Sheep

Dude, hold that thought.

Approaching drop point. Assume your positions.

Black Sheep

Gotta call you back. [hangs up and sees that Crackle, Tigress, El Topo and Le Chevre are about to jump out of the helicoptor] I don't have a parachute!

Crackle

What are you waitin' for? Cats always land on their feet! [kicks Tigress out of the chopper]

Black Sheep

Heads up! [leaps onto Crackle, knocking him out of the chopper]

Crackle

Black Sheep?!

Black Sheep

Don't let go!

Crackle

Are you out of your mind?! [looks around for witnesses] You just put your safety and my entire criminal career at risk! What'll the Faculty do when they discover you decided to tag along on our mission?!

Black Sheep

Who cares? I'll be long gone.

Crackle! Let's move!

Crackle

Star here. I mean it. [goes to join the others]

Black Sheep

Huh. Time to crash a caper. [goes to join the others]

The Player

Guten tag, Strudelhaus of Düsseldorf. Can I help you?

Black Sheep

Yeah, I-I-I was looking for...

The Player

It's me. I'm screening.

Black Sheep

[sighs in relief] Player.

The Player

Where have you been?! Strange people have been answering your phone.

Black Sheep

It's not my phone. I stole it.

The Player

So you're a shoplifter! And you haven't called me all summer long because you've been in jail.

Black Sheep

[sighs] Player, remember when you told me you used your wicked skills for good?

The Player

The white hacker's code.

Black Sheep

What would you say if I told you I had wicked skills, too, from being raised in a school for thieves?

The Player

I'd say that would explain a lot.

Black Sheep

[sees Cookie Booker arriving] Don't go anywhere. [hides in the ventilation shaft above the room and sees Cookie Booker with the hard drive containing VILE's database] Player, I'm staring at a hard drive containing data that could fuel a criminal empire for a year. This may be my only shot to secure it.

The Player

Then use those wicked skills, already.

Black Sheep

If anyone sees me take it, I'll never make if off this island. I need to avoid detection at all cost. [realizes Mime Bomb is watching her] Aw, crud! [turns to Mime Bomb] Mimosa Bombosa. What are you up to? [Mime Bomb mimes picking up a flower and smelling it] Stopping to smell the roses? [Mime Bomb smiles]

The Player

This is the most one-sided conversation I've ever heard.

Black Sheep

Shh, quiet! [Mime Bombs gives a puzzled look] Not you. Duh. Heh. Okay, happy gardening. [sidesteps away; Mime Bomb gives a suspicious look as he follows her] All good. It was just some creepy mime who hangs around campus watching everything. [realizes] And everyone. Because he's a spy and a snitch. [turns to Mime Bomb] NOBODY LIKES A TATTLETALE!!!

Black Sheep

And don't even think about picking the lock. [leaves]

The Player

Hello?

Black Sheep

Player, I made it. I'm off the island. I need to know where on Earth I am.

The Player

Triangulating your position. The Canary Islands.

Black Sheep

A Spanish settlement just off the coast of Western Africa. It was an interesting place to grow up, but it's time to see the rest of the world. No more bookkeepers, and no more VILE. [is about to throw the hat out, but stops]

The Player

You'll need a passport, and I don't think Black Sheep's gonna cut it. You do have a name, don't you?

Black Sheep

[looks at the tag on the hat that reads "Carmen Brand Outerwear, San Diego"] It's... Carmen. Carmen Sandiego. Now, about this whole "white hat" thing. [puts on the hat] Does it have to be white?

Chase

Carmen Sandiego, you're under arrest! [pulls off the hat, but finds that's it's really an unconscious Crackle wearing Carmen's coat] NOOOOO!!!! [the train begins to move and Chase looks out the window to see Carmen leaving the station] NO!! NOT AGAIN!! [his phone rings] Yes? What is it?

Julia

Inspector Devinaux, we turned up something rather astonishing. I believe it's the Eye of Vishnu from the unsolved Morocco heist. We found it between the couch cushions. Almost as if--

Chase

Let me guess! Almost as if Carmen Sandiego wanted us to find it. Ha! If our thief indeed left such a treasure behind, she must have gotten away with something truly priceless!

The Player

Wait, seriously?! You didn't take the gemstone?

Carmen

Total win-win. I knew Interpol would get it back where it belonged, which left my hands free to take the real treasure: [opens the bag to reveal her old Matyoshka dolls] my oldest travelling companions. Like an archaeology find, the only link I have to my past. [removes a tracking device from the bottom of the doll] I have Gray to thank for using them to bait me. [places the tracking device on a nearby boat] Now, did you wire the proceeds from the Shanghai job to the next non-profits on my list?

The Player

Food bank, homeless shelter, orphanage. Check. I even had time to decrypt the next entry. Another secret VILE hideout, located in Southeast Asia on the island of Java.

Carmen

Just when I thought I was through with islands. [sighs] Paris will be here. We need to stay one step ahead of VILE while we still have the advantage.

The Player

I'll book you a red-eye.

Chief, we have Carmen Sandiego in our sights.