[at parent-teacher meeting ] Well, long story short, we were together, and now we're apart.
P Mrs. Patterson
So, you're divorced?
P Mrs. Patterson
It's okay. I'm not judging. You know, I'm divorced. Pretty recently, actually.
Hank. We were never married so...
No, but I did ask... a number of times.
Okay, not the time or the place, Hank.
I gave her a ring, she gave it back. I gave it to a homeless woman.
P Mrs. Patterson
I'm sorry. That's so sad.
It worked out for the homeless woman.
We're together when it comes to raising Becca.
Well, yes, but not always. For instance, I want Becca to be a lesbian when she grows up, and Karen just wants her to be happy. That's ridiculous. Like you can't be both? A happy lesbian?
[hugging Karen ] Your hair smells good. Smells like lady hair.
How was I supposed to know who his mother was?
Oh, well, if you were not so preoccupied with sticking your dick in any hole that will have you, you might notice these things.
Yes, but you kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. And out of doors is a place where penises don't generally fare well, in the rain and the wind and all that.
Hank, will you shut up, okay?
My homeless dick now must seek shelter from the storm where and whence it can.
Did she say to you, "Oh, Hank, I love your writing"?
You see that? This is why we should be together. You just know my shit. It's perfect.
CH − Previous episode · S2 E4 The Raw and the Cooked CH + Next episode · S7 E1 Levon
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Californication pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
