Sam Axe quotes from Burn Notice

Madeline

Uh, Sam, didn't you forget something? [Madeline hands him a number of bullets] I found them in your pants. I heard them rattling around in the washing machine when I was doing your laundry.

Sam

Yeah, 9 mm. Uh, hey, err, I don't know what to say.

Michael

I'd say nothing. Nothing's good. Go with nothing.

Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set of your boxers: the blue ones with the stripes.

Michael

[visibly horrified] They will never fit you; stay out of my closet.

They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it.

Sam Axe

Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.

Michael

Right now, I've got to do a job.....with Larry.

Sam

Larry? Dead Larry? [laughing] Oh, man, I hated that guy!

Michael

He's back.

Sam

Ok, I hate him present tense. He's a bad influence Mike, don't tell me you're working with him?

Michael

No, I'm not working with him, I'm working against him.

Sam

Well in that case, can I help?

Larry

Wow. Been a while, been a while. And you look... great.

Sam

You too, Larry. Very youthful. Still drinking the blood of children?

Sam

[about Larry] Just "checking in"? He's got a weird thing for you.

Michael

It's because he doesn't have any friends.

Sam

That's because he's killed most of them, Mike.

[sarcastic] So... you're a soil scientist, too?

Sam

Oh, yeah. Big-time.

Fiona

As stimulating as all this is, I still don't see why you called me over here, Michael.

Michael

It always helps to bounce ideas, Fi.

Sam

Uh, I'm gonna grab another beer... and, uh, drink it on the balcony.

I have this, too. It is a letter from the Interamerican Court of Human Rights. We use it to make him come back to Haiti and stand trial. Duman was an official in Haiti. Veronique spoke out against him. He had her put in prison, and then he had her killed.

Sam

(examining the letter, while holding a large saltwater fish in his arms) Uh, Mr. Laurent, this is not going to work in an American court.

Who is this man with the fish?

Sam

Oh, wow. She looks dangerous.

Cute, Sam. You know you're interfering with a federal investigation?

Sam

What is she, like, 80? Did she steal somebody's dentures?

It's a racketeering case. Biggest drug-smuggling family in South Florida.

Sam

Oh, is she the boss?

...Boss's grandmother.

Sam

Ho-ho, boy! You should check the film speed in that camera, because at the rate she's moving, you don't want to miss a thing.

Madeline

Sam, let me remind you you're sleeping in my guestroom. All right, you call me or God as my witness I will smother you in your sleep.

Sam

All right, all right! We'll call!

Sam

That guy is more afraid of Checik than he is of us. We're going to have to squeeze him harder.

Fiona

If by squeeze you mean choke...

Sam

He can't talk if he can't breathe, Fi.

Fiona

He can whisper. I have good hearing.

Michael

I told the kid I would help. If you want to sit this one out, you can.

Sam

No, no. I get it. Little kid, abusive dad, it kind of hits home, so I'll give you that one. But when the time comes to rescue a bunch of rich women trapped in a brewery, you better step up. So she's in there with Fiona?

Michael

Yeah. The idea was that she'd feel more comfortable talking to a woman.

Sam

I'm not sure if Fi counts, Mike.

Fiona

[after having faked being killed in a shootout] Nice fall, Shakespeare.

Sam

Oh, you should talk. You looked like you got hit by an arrow.

Fiona

What are you talking about? A 9 mil at this range?

Michael

Sam, if anything happens to me—

Sam

Oh, I'm finishing this, brother. I'm getting Fi out of there no matter what. Just don't tell her I said that.

Fiona

Those are some grade A sons of bitches in there. [looks through the glove compartment] Where's your gun, Sam?

Sam

I moved it, Fi, for your own good. Look, if it'll make you feel any better, I think your trick with the bug gave us something we can use.

Fiona

Yeah, if we can use it to bludgeon Lynch to death I'll feel much better.

Sam

One step at a time, Fi.