Broken News Season 1 quotes

But the tablets were recalled by manufacturers, after it was discovered that they could cause violent seizures when taken in conjunction with water.

When you flush the toilet on an aeroplane, do you ever think about where it goes? I sure don't!

Organisers of the London Marathon plan to ban runners from taking rest breaks in future marathons after many runners in this year's event were caught urinating, defecating and suffering heart attacks on camera.

[from the International Space Station] We have been informed that up to a third of our supplies contain Tomatoids, and we've already eaten half!

[warning of the symptoms of Tomato Flu] If you experience any of the following symptoms, you would be advised to contact your doctor immediately: hot or cold sweats, hot or cold aches, sweaty acheyness, runny, sweaty or achey nose, dizziness, blinking, passing water, or - in the most extreme cases - death.

Richard Pritchard

A witty viewer texts in to say "This will only affect boys. Boys get the flu, girls get colds, so it stand to reason that only boys will die!" That's funny.

If the world was a 24-hour clock, just how close are we to the end of the world? According to the UN, we are at approximately 4 seconds to midnight. The US, meanwhile, have taken a more optimistic stance, saying that we are actually at 9 seconds to midnight. However, the WWF, who have traditionally been the most pessimistic of observers, claim that we are already at just one second to midnight.

One thing's for certain, things will get a lot worse before they get worse still.

Manchester United have denied that starting other Manchester Uniteds in China, Japan, Australia, the US, Scotland, Wales and London would make the club any less unique or be in the least bit confusing.

They say that children should be seen and not heard, but in this case, it should be sacked and not paid. If this is a taste of what's to come, let's hope he's burnt out and washed up by 10.

Over in Europe, scientists claim to have lost an island! Yep, you heard me right! They've lost an entire island, along with the scientific work station they had on it!

Keep drinking the wine, fellas!

Over this way, is Russia. Over that way is England, Iceland, Greenland, Canada and if you keep going you end up over there again. That's just how this place is.

Richard Pritchard

"Road to Nowhere". Reports today suggest that the M25, Britain's busiest road, could be scrapped because it doesn't actually go anywhere.

In motor racing today, Rubens Barrichello's suspected hamstring injury has been confirmed as a broken arm.

I asked a few of the bands who they expected to win.

Me!

Me!

Me!

Us!

Them.

So its still all to play for!