Boston Legal quotes

Alan

I may not be able to talk as fast, but my tongue is more versatile.

Alan

I love Vermont. Would you allow me to cover your body with maple syrup?

Alan

[regarding Brad and Tara] They make a lovely couple, don't they? He has a nice tight ass, don't you think?

Denny

I'm still a good lawyer.

Paul

Yes, you are. [pauses] You remember Muhammad Ali's last fight? We had ringside seats. He lost so pathetically to Larry Holmes; we were so crushed. The tragedy that night, Denny, wasn't that he couldn't still box; he could. The tragedy was that he still thought he was Ali. You're a good lawyer, my friend. You're just not Denny Crane.

Donny Crane

Dad, he's mocking me.

Denny

You're a Crane, get used to it.

What could I possibly say in my closing? I've got nothing.

Alan

Rabbit.

I'm sorry?

Alan

Pull a rabbit out from under your dress.

Denny

Sally, that was not a pleasant meeting. Typically when associates are unhappy, I give them a hug.

I don't want a hug, Mr. Crane.

Denny

Okay. May I have one?

That's it? Two questions. That was your cross?

Lori

I didn't have much to cross him with, Warren.

Then what was the point of your questions? Tell me that.

Lori

I was trying to establish that you were coerced. The judge doesn't shock easily but maybe the jury does.

Oh, I see; you were going for shock value. Well, maybe you could've really gone for it and asked three questions.

Brad

Feel free to mock me all you want, but don't you dare ridicule our troops.

Alan

Just so I'm clear, I should feel free to mock you.

Alan

One last proposal that's entirely possible. I'm kidding by the way, depending upon your reaction-300,000 sealed, we kick back fifty to you under the table.

Mr. Shore, I guarantee you I am not that kind of attorney.

Alan

Really? Gosh, I am.

I should report you directly to the bar, if not the district attorney.

Alan

Well, if that's how you feel, then I was kidding.

Alan

So, shall we?

Tara

We shall. Do you have Morgan's address?

Alan

I do, but what I meant is, shall we continue where we left off last night?

Tara

In front of my building with you peeing in the planter?

Alan

I was about to burst. You should've let me come up.

Tara

That plant needed watering.

Motion for continuance is denied.

Denny

You know what I'm going to do, Brian, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife.

Alan

Feels good, doesn't it?

What feels good?

Alan

Having sex with the candidate. What if he wins? I bet the orgasms are even better if he wins. [sighs] I'm jealous.

And who is the current President of the United States?

Denny

That would be Ernest Borgnine.

Judge Brown

Do you know what my mother would call you? A namby-pamby. Weak and spineless, bellyaching about some trumped up medical excuse.