Nelson Van Alden quotes from Boardwalk Empire

Agent Nelson Van Alden

[After drowning his Jewish partner for refusing to convert to Christianity] THOU HAST FULFILLED THE JUDGEMENT OF THE WICKED!!!

Nelson Van Alden

I am Nelson Casper Van Alden. I am a sworn agent of the United States Treasury. And I swear by Jesus our Lord that justice will reign down upon you if it is my last- [Clipped by D'Angelo]

Nelson Van Alden

Please, sir, I provide for a family. I failed to eschew evil, but I'm trying.

Al Capone

[sticking a fork into Van Alden's face] 25 blocks into my territory. I know you're gonna pay me back.

Nelson Van Alden

Yes, sir.

Al Capone

Huh?

Nelson Van Alden

Yes, sir!

Al Capone

Tell me everything you know about O'Banion's operation.

Nelson Van Alden

Phil? Mr. Gulliver? Ralph?

Son of a bitch!

Nelson Van Alden

No, gentlemen, please! This is not a good time!

Not a good time for what?

Nelson Van Alden

You're upset!

[pointing at the burn scar from the iron Van Alden hit him with] Two months this took to heal! I didn't make a sale, for months!

Nelson Van Alden

Mr. Gulliver, do something!

You got it coming, George.

Nelson Van Alden

I apologize. I'm sorry! If we could just- [Gulliver grabs Van Alden and turns him to face Phil & Ralph, who each punch him again] ENOUGH!

You don't like it, huh?

Nelson Van Alden

I warned you to stop!

You hear that, Phil? He warned us! [Van Alden draws a pistol, aiming it at Phil and Ralph] Woah, woah, easy, Mueller!

Settle down, George!

Now, George, be reasonable!

Relax, huh?

Nelson Van Alden

I am relaxed. [shoots Phil, Ralph, and Scotty Gulliver]

Nelson Van Alden

I told you, Mr. O'Banion-

I know you did. But- I don't believe you. [draws a pistol, points it at Van Alden's head] How's about the truth, Mueller? One more "I'm sorry", "I don't know", "I'm not looking for any trouble", and I will pop your head open like a melon.

Nelson Van Alden

I didn't kill Stu. Al Capone did. But I have killed other men. The one you know about, the three that attacked me... and my partner.

[surprised] Your what?

Nelson Van Alden

I was a Prohibition agent. I drowned him with my bare hands. My name isn't Mueller. I'm not legally married to my wife. I used to believe in God, but now I don't believe in anything at all.

Al Capone

You think I'm stupid?

Nelson Van Alden

No successful man is stupid.

Al Capone

Are you successful?

Nelson Van Alden

Not really.

Al Capone

Why's that?

Nelson Van Alden

I get the feeling that my boss doesn't like me.

Nelson Van Alden

I've worked for you for seven years. I set up Dean O'Banion. I make my number every week. Maybe I'm a federal agent, maybe I'm a bigamist, maybe I'm a murderer on the run. Believe what you want, there's no way I can stop you. But that's not what matters now.

Al Capone

It's not?

Nelson Van Alden

[indicating Luciano] What matters is that this man comes in from out of town and starts telling Capone what to do about Capone's business in Capone's house? You ask me, that's pretty goddamn disrespectful.

Al Capone

[to Luciano] You can rule by fear, or you can rule by love. Remember that, if you're ever in charge. Get him a drink.

You've got a pair.

Nelson Van Alden

What did I say?

You don't remember?

Nelson Van Alden

I need a men's room.

You gonna be sick?

Nelson Van Alden

I may have soiled myself,

Eli Thompson

Look, I don't know about you, but my life is a fuckin' shipwreck!

Nelson Van Alden

Well, land ho!