[Later, outside the Infanta's bedroom; Edmund and Percy are dabbing perfume on Baldrick, who's in a nightshirt]
Please, my lord, I beg you to reconsider.
Baldrick, if there was any other way, you know I'd take it.
But I'll die in there.
Don't worry, we'll give you a hero's funeral; bury you at sea; say you died in combat with an enemy vessel. That's it. There we are. Go on, in you go. [pats him on the head] Little boy with big job to do...Come on, Percy, let's get the King.
[Edmund leaves. Percy too, but then turns to Baldrick. They shakes hands, then they embrace for a while, Percy is half crying, and half laughing, then leaves. Baldrick enters the bedroom. The room is completely dark, and nothing can be seen]
Infanta...Infanta...
Edmundo? Edmundo, amor mio!
Oh Edmund, my love!
Ohh!!!
[We cut to the map room; Edmund and Percy enter]
My lord, Your Majesty.
What?
[We cut to the dark bedroom where Baldrick and the Infanta are moaning, then back to the map room]
I bring the gravest of news.
What? Have our armies at the Rhine been slaughtered to a man, had their heads cut off and melted cheese poured down their nostrils in the traditional Swiss manner?
Um, no, my lord.
[back in the dark room] No te reprimas, por favor, pequeña.
Don't hold back, please, my little one.
[back in the map room] Then is it news of the Russian royal family, mistaken for bison due to their excessive winter clothing, hunted down, chopped to pieces and eaten as little sweets by Mongolian bandits?
Um, no, my lord.
[back in the dark bedroom] Ooohhhhh!!!!
Securo!
[back in the map room] Well, what then?
[acting distraught] My lord, the Spanish Infanta is not a virgin.
[back in the dark room] Oooooaaahh...
[back in the map room] Oh, yes, I know that.
[back in the dark room] Mas...
[back in the map room] Her uncle told me.
[back in the dark room] Again please!
[back in the map room] We took five hundred off the dowry because of it.
But I thought-
Only one of you has to be a virgin! [Edmund is speechless. Percy looks confused] Anything else?
[Edmund turns away. Percy is about to say something, but Edmund shoos him outside, and follows Percy out]
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