[In a corridor, Baldrick knocks a monk, Reverend Lloyd, unconscious. Edmund runs down the field where a man is on one knee, giving a bundle of flowers to a woman. Edmund, still in his "effeminate" dress, runs between them, ending up with the flowers. Percy chats with a woman, Tally, in a small cottage; she's surprised with a smile and giggles when she hears what he says. Later, in the cottage, Lloyd is setting up a makeshift altar; Tally is still giggling]
Percy, is she the best you could do? I mean, I am marrying the woman!
Yes, I know, but it’s only for a couple of days, isn't it...
Ah yes, that's true. Come on, hurry up, Father!
Er, yes, very well. Er, we are gathered here, O gracious Lord, to bear witness, at very short notice... [Tally giggles] ...to the marriage of these two God-fearing Christians: er, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh, and, er, Tally Applebottom. [Tally giggles again] Is that right?
Yes, that's right. Whoever would have thought it? The Duke of Edinburgh, consumed with passion, whisks away little Tally! [laughs]
Shut up!!! Come on, get on with it, Father, will you?
Yes, very well. Are you Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh?
No, I'm a bowl of soup! [Tally laughs] Come on, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up...
And are you Miss Tally Applebottom?
Mrs.
Er, Mrs.- [realizes] Ah...
Ah... [looks at Percy]
Ah...
[stammers a bit] Well, never mind, get on with it, Father, come on!
Yes, but surely if she's–
Look, the Church is never going to progress if it isn't just a bit adaptable!
Reverend Lloyd: But this is most unusual! [Baldrick holds a knife to Lloyd's throat] Well, mind you, hasn't the Church always dealt with the unusual? The miracle with the fishes, for example. We'll continue. [puts a hand behind his back, fingers crossed] So, no one knows any cause or just impediment why these persons may not joined together in holy matrimony.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
[A man, Thomas, enters, carrying a scythe]
[angrily] Yes!
Ah... [a bit confused] And, er, you are...?
Mr. Applebottom.
Then you are the father of the bride...
No, I'm the husband of the...bride.
Oh, this is my husband, Thomas. Thomas, this is my fiancé, the Duke of Edinburgh. Prince Edmund, this is Thomas. Thomas, this is Father O'–
...Smith! I called about the ducking-stool you found. [quickly begins to gather up his things]
[backs round and round as Thomas approaches him; Percy and Baldrick hide behind him] Mr. Applebottom, I was just wondering whether I could possibly have a temporary arrangement with your good lady. I only need her for a very short stint...
Get out!!!
Look, you stupid peasant, all I want to do is marry your wife!
Get out of here!!!
[Baldrick, Percy and Edmund leave in fear]
[shocked at her husband's behavior] That was the Duke of Edinburgh, you know!
No, that'll be the Earl of Doncaster.
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