Oh, my God. The Adventures of Mabel. I–I haven't thought about this in forev–You remember this, Chuck?
I do. Harry Thurston Peck.
Yeah. Mabel goes into the mountain, and she meets the king of the Brownies and he gives her some kind of super-delicious jelly and–Holy crap, 1912.
Yeah. It belonged to Granny Davenport. She wrote her name in it. She was reading that to her schoolkids the year the Titanic went down.
Damn. And Mom read it to me.
I read it to you. You don't remember.
Yeah, yeah, I do now that you say it, yeah. What was I? Like, five or six?
You had had this weird nightlight that you were so crazy about. It was, uh... It was...
It was some Daffy Duck ripoff with a weird red mouth—
Bill. Yeah, the bill. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it used to get so hot we thought it would burn the house down, but you wouldn't let anybody touch it.
Yeah, that's—You got a great memory, Chuck. The red bill and everything. Hey, what was the name of that little girl that lived, uh, three houses up from us? She had, like, a...
...painful haircut. And she was always in the dirt, always dirty...
...I liked her. She was al–
Jimmy. Don't think I'll ever forget what happened here today. And you will pay.
Crisis averted, I guess. I mean, he's back to being the same old Chuck, so...
Depends. It may or may not involve that thing you said you never, ever wanted to discuss.
Okay, then thanks. I gotta get back to it.
How about we call it a day? I'll buy you some dinner.
You're kidding, right? You realize how far behind I am; not to mention, now I've got eight entire wills to finish up.
What are you talking about? I'll do the wills.
'Course I will... do the wills. They're my clients.
They're my clients. You and I aren't partners, remember? Once I take these people on, I can't just reassign them to you.
Aw, come on. Why are you getting all, like, legal on me, huh? Who cares?
Look, I told every single one the situation: that they'd be getting me instead of you. I tried to talk 'em all into coming back another day, six of them left. Maybe you'll get those back. Look, if this is about the money-
It's not about the money. You can keep the money.
Don't act like I wanted this! Jesus, like I need more on my plate? [Jimmy looks melancholy] Are you mad?
I'm not mad. I'm just, uh... thinking about things. For ten minutes today, Chuck didn't hate me. I forgot what that felt like.
[Chuck plays Jimmy's confession tape for Howard]
I don't even know where to begin... but yes, I believe you. Your brother is one world-class son of a bitch. No offense. I just really wish you'd told me about these plans of yours before you went out and did it.
I know, Howard, and I regret misleading you. It's just that a certain vérité had to be established.
I'm not talking about the heart attack that you nearly gave me. Chuck, this tape... I'm not sure exactly what it accomplishes. Look, you know evidentiary rules better than I do, but a secretly recorded tape with a problematic chain of evidence? You're gonna have a hell of a time getting that admitted.
And if you somehow put it in front of a jury, Jimmy'd call a dozen audio experts, say that voice isn't his, say the tape had been edited.
Are you thinking about playing this for Kevin Wachtell at Mesa Verde? Because as much as I would love to, that ship has sailed. We're never getting them back, regardless.
Oh, I doubt we could even get in the door over there.
Chuck, if that tape is useless in a court of law and no help in the court of public opinion, what's the point? Because I can't think of a single use for it!
[Kim and Jimmy interview their first potential secretary: Francesca]
Well, I for one, am not calling it the MVD. DMV all the way.
What do you think you learned the most, working there?
Patience. Diplomacy. You meet all sorts of people down there, and most are really great, really friendly, but you encounter some who are upset, belligerent—
What about old folks? You get your fair share of them?
Oh, lots of elderly drivers. After 75, they need to take their test again, so if they don't pass you have to explain why their license isn't being renewed, which is hard for them.
What do you say then? Do you ever... yell at them? I mean, geezers, right? How can you not?
...No. I would never, no.
...Nor should you, that was a trick question. You passed with flying colors, very good.
So, Jimmy and I have very different needs. His practice is mostly wills for senior citizens while I'm focused on a single client at the moment, Mesa Verde, with banking regulations that generate a ton of paperwork. So, I'm looking for someone with an eye for organization and detail.
Well, DMV's great for that. Tons of detail in those driver's licenses.
We did see hundreds of people every day, and you'd never want to let a mistake slip through on those forms. You'd just have a horrible cascade of problems.
So, why the law? I mean, why leave the DMV- er, MVD? I have to imagine you'll be giving up a good benefits package.
Good healthcare and retirement plans, but there's a bureaucracy to government work that ultimately became too frustrating. I guess- what'd you'd call it, too much red tape? I just wanna be somewhere I can make a difference.
Oh, that's us. We're all about making a difference.
And I see here both Word and Excel, you're comfortable with?
Excel and Word? Wow. Well, you had me at "old people!" Hey, here's a question: can you start today?
Now–Can you just give us a second, Francesca?
Absolutely, I, uh... Of course.
Thank you. [pause; to Jimmy after Francesca leaves] What are you doing?
"Can you start today?" Don't you think we should see more resumes? Like, a lot more? She is our first interview! We haven't even checked her references!
So we'll check 'em! Kim, you've been taking forever searching for a paralegal. Now, we need help here.
Haven't found the right fit.
Yeah, because you're searching for perfection, and perfection is the enemy of perfectly adequate.
So that's the bar here? Adequate?
She's more than adequate! She worked at the DMV, that's like the fifth circle of Hell! Look, she's overqualified; if it doesn't work out, we can fire her. It's no big deal.
Don't you think someone with actual legal experience would be better?
Look, I've got a commercial airing in eleven minutes, so the phones are gonna be ringing off the hook and I need help. Can we give her a test run, please? I got a good feeling about this! Come on, Kim!
Alright, this is what you're gonna do: You're gonna go inside, buy a cup of coffee, a meal, whatever and sit in a booth. Sometime in the next ten to fifteen minutes, a guy in an old green Chevy Blazer is gonna pull into that parking lot. He'll take a knapsack and he'll go sit inside. I need you to keep an eye on the knapsack. Let me know what he does with it; does he take anything out of it, does he switch the bag with someone? Does he leave something from the bag inside—
Right, right, right, I got it.
Green Chevy Blazer, black top.
Yeah, what's in the bag? Is it money? It's gotta be money- Drugs, is it drugs? Something else? Well, I'm guessing money. Tell me I'm right.
He is gonna be here any minute. Now, I need you inside. You gonna do the job or not?
Fine. I'll do the job. You charmed me into it.
[Jimmy sticks his head in the trash bin at Los Pollos Hermanos, believing that a drop guy has left something inside.]
[Jimmy, taken by surprise, hurriedly takes off his watch and deliberately drops it in the bin.]
Uh... My watch, uh, clasp is loose–it falls. I tried to reach it.
Oh, well, I'm sorry. Allow me. [takes the trash can out of the bin.]
Yeah, they say a nice watch band is as the watch. That's what they get for cheapin' out.
[puts on a latex glove] We'll find it for you.
[Gus sifts through the trash can as Jimmy hovers his shoulder.]
Oh, don't worry. If it's in here, I'll—Ah, there it is.
[Gus retrieves Jimmy's watch from the trash]
Oh. May I clean this for you? We have alcohol wipes.
Uh, no. It's been in worse places. Thank you. That was very nice of you.
[hands Jimmy the watch] No problem. It's my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you?
[Kim learns about Chuck's tape from Ernesto, and goes to tell Jimmy]
Hand me a dollar! Come on!
Okay... All I got's a twenty-
Fine, whatever. [holds up the dollar] Alright. I'm your lawyer now. If anyone asks me what I know, we have confidentiality.
Why do we need confidentiality?
Jimmy, what did you say to Chuck?
Oh, here it comes... Howard, right? Did Howard call? [Kim looks away] Relax! No, let me explain, please! Please. Kim, let me set the stage for you, okay? When I went to Chuck's place last week, it was like the inside of a Jiffy Pop wrapper, alright? There was Mylar on the walls. There was Mylar on the ceiling, the ceiling! He thought his brain wasn't working because of the Mesa Verde event and so... I kind of told him that he was right about everything. I had to! He- he- Kim, he was broken. He was a broken man, I couldn't leave him in crazy town like that! So I told him; you know, just to make him feel better. It doesn't matter what he says, it doesn't matter who he tells, because it's my word against his.
There is a tape recording of you talking to Chuck.
What do you mean? Who? He–He taped me? How?
I don't know how, he just did! Okay? Ernie told me.
He said Chuck has a tape recorder, wrapped in a space blanket in his desk drawer. Ernie was putting new batteries in it for Chuck, and the tape rolled for a few seconds and he heard you... your voice saying something about switching 1261 to 1216. So clearly, it was this confession of yours.
[beat] Yes, Jimmy... but I'm not sure what he can do with it... legally, anyway. I'm gonna have to do some research. He made that tape for a reason, and now we have to figure out why. [notices Jimmy seething] Jimmy?
I gotta get back to it. The lobby's full of clients.
[Howard visits Chuck's house, where Chuck and a hired private investigator named Dave are waiting for Jimmy to show up and steal the audiotape in which he confessed to doctoring the Mesa Verde documents.]
Chuck, this has been going on for eight days now, and really no indication that it's going to work.
I think I've been very patient. But the cost of these round-the-clock private investigators is really starting to add up.
Howard, this is our duty as officers of the court. We have an ethical obligation to–
My brother broke the law. We can't just sit back and do nothing!
I'm not talking about doing nothing. I just want to...free up our minds, and be open to alternate strategies. Please, meet me halfway here.
[sighs] I suppose... I suppose we can limit the investigators to just nighttime hours.
Yes. Jimmy will most likely break in while he thinks I'm sleeping. I mean, I wouldn't put anything past him. It just makes the most sense he'll try to steal the tape under cover of darkness.
[Jimmy's car can be heard screeching to a halt outside]
You really think he's going to do that?
Howard, I know my brother.
[Jimmy begins angrily banging on Chuck's front door. Chuck goes to the door while Howard and Dave hide in an adjoining room.]
Chuck! Chuck! Open the goddamn door, Chuck! Open the door, dammit! Open it, Chuck!
Open the fucking door! Open it now!
I'm not opening the door. I'm not opening the d–
[Jimmy starts kicking the door]
[Jimmy breaks in the door and pursues Chuck to his study.]
YOU TAPED ME?! YOU ASSHOLE!
You PULLED THAT HEARTSTRINGS CON JOB ON ME?! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! "Oh, my brain used to work, I'm sick, I don't know what to do!" Asshole! No wonder Rebecca left you! What took her so long?!
[Jimmy reaches Chuck's desk and finds the locked drawer where his audiotape of Jimmy's confession is being kept.]
[Jimmy tries and fails to pry the drawer open with a pair of scissors. He spots a poker next to the fireplace.]
Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!
[Jimmy takes the poker and pries open the drawer. He finds the tape player and pulls out the cassette.]
Oh, is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Huh? For this, you destroyed our family? Are you happy now?! For what?! For nothing!
[Jimmy corners Chuck and rips the cassette apart with his bare hands.]
Is that all there is, Chuck? Is that all there–all there is, or did you make copies? Huh, Chuck? Huh?! You tell me or I'll burn this whole goddamn house to the ground!
[Howard and Dave step into the room.]
Jimmy! Jimmy! That's enough!
[Jimmy, seeing Howard and Dave, deflates and calms down]
[shaken] Howard? You were a witness to what happened here?
[All three men stare in silence at Jimmy, who is now at Chuck's mercy]
[Mike kicks the gas cap and answers the ringing cell phone in the middle of a deserted road.]
May I assume that you are armed?
I do not wish to see your gun. And if I don't, I promise you won't see mine. Are we in agreement?
Expect two cars momentarily.
[Mike is approached from two directions by two SUVs. Victor emerges from one car, while Gus Fring and Tyrus Kitt emerge from the other. Mike presents the "DON'T" note to Gus.]
It's not in my interests for Hector Salamanca to die... at this time.
An associate of an associate.
We had a disagreement. He threatened my family. I'm not gonna let that go.
But... you had let it go. You'd taken his money. Your family was no longer in danger. And yet, still, you robbed his truck. Shouldn't that have settled the matter? Most men would have walked away. But instead, you made an attempt on his life. Why? [beat] I understand that a civilian found the driver after you robbed the truck. Hector murdered this civilian, correct?
...He wasn't in the game.
I can't allow you to kill Hector. However, I am not completely unsympathetic to your... sense of justice. You hurt Hector when you robbed that truck. You hurt his business. His pride... quite effectively. And if you were to hurt him in the same manner again, I would not stand in your way.
You want me to rob another truck.
Then our business here is finished.
No more tracker, no more of your minions following me? Just like that?
Just like that. Of course, I trust that you are done with Hector Salamanca? [Mike nods] Goodbye, Mr. Ehrmantraut.
[Gus turns to leave.]
Wait. [Gus turns back to face Mike] You want his trucks hit because you wanna disrupt his supply line. Hector's your competition.
Because I'm not done with Hector Salamanca.
[Jimmy is smoking a cigarette, waiting for the police to arrive to arrest him after Chuck's entrapment.]
You won't want to hear it, but this is for the best. Please, Jimmy. Whatever you think of me, whatever colorful names you're calling me in your head right now, please understand I'm trying to help you. Here's what's going to happen. The police will arrest you. And I'm sorry, but I will be pressing charges. I told you there would be consequences... but I have to believe that you'll face those consequences and you'll come out the other side a better man. I know it's hard to see right now, but Jimmy, this is an opportunity. That's why I'm doing this, not to punish you. To show you – truly show you – that you have to make a change before it's too late. Before you destroy yourself, or someone else, and I believe you can change. You'll find your path. And when you're ready, I will be there to help you walk that path.
Here's what's gonna happen. One day you're gonna get sick. Again. One of your employees is gonna find you curled up in that space blanket, take you to the hospital, hook you up to those machines that beep and whir and hurt. And this time, it will be too much. And you will die there. Alone.
I fucked up. Chuck bamboozled me, again. That tape? He made sure that Ernie heard it, right? 'Cause he knew Ernie, bless him, would tell me about it and I would come over, try to destroy it or steal it or whatever. Howard was there, and a P.I. if you can believe that. Just waiting for me to lose my shit and bust in. Chuck played me like a fiddle, and schmuck that I am, I fell for it! [quietly] Moron. I'm sorry. I didn't call you, which is stupid, and I'm sorry about that, too. But I didn't call you for a reason, okay? 'Cause this is my screw-up. I own it, okay? It's my responsibility to fix it. I know you wanna help, of course you do, 'cause you're wonderful! But you're up to your ears in Mesa Verde, and I can't—I won't—load this onto you too. We have worked too hard to let Chuck's bullshit vendetta threaten everything that we're building! I won't allow him to endanger our business! No! I will fix this! Myself, me, Jimmy McGill, okay? You have gotta let me do this on my own!
I got a deal offer from the ADA today.
It's not what I expected.
Bad "not what you expected"?
It's just that—it's different. She's offering me pre-prosecution diversion.
Seriously? A PPD? That's great, Jimmy!
Best I could hope for, right?
Right. What does she want you to confess to?
All of it. The felony B and E, misdemeanor petty assault and property damage—I never touched him, but they got assault in there.
Well, could be worse. As long as they never activate it, it doesn't matter, right? You gonna be able to keep your nose clean for a whole year? Keep Viktor with a K on lockdown?
It's not a problem, Giselle. And if I don't, it's instant jail, right?
Lucky break. She must not want the hassle of a trial.
Jimmy. This is good news, and Chuck is gonna be pissed. It's a big check in the pro column.
Actually, the PPD was Chuck's idea.
One condition of the PPD is, my written confession is immediately submitted to the New Mexico Bar Association.
Your written felony confession.
Mmhmm. I thought he wanted me in jail; he just wants my law license. [sighs]
Well, I knew the bar was going to be an issue, right? So, I figured I'd plea the charges down to a couple misdemeanors, get a censure and maybe a little suspension, but... a confession to a felony?
Yeah, and if I take it to trial and I lose, I face the bar anyways–and jail time, most likely. He's got me boxed in.
You can fight this. The disciplinary board listens to extenuating circumstances...
No, Chuck knows everybody at the bar. Hell, he made half of their careers; it's gonna be him and his cronies versus me. Alone.
Come on, Jimmy. You need me. You can't argue this yourself. You and I both know that, and I'm not gonna let you fight this on your own.
'Cause I don't... Why would you... Come on. [points to himself] This guy? Seriously?
[After a moment, Kim takes his hand.]
Let's just call it the fallacy of sunk costs. So what now?
Now? Now we take that PPD and we shove it right up Chuck's ass.
[Hector walks up to the counter, where Lyle is taking orders]
LLyle
Welcome to Los Pollos Hermanos. May I take your order?
¿Tu jefe está aquí? ¿Dónde está?
LLyle
Oh, men's room is on the left, sir.
Cabrón! I need to see your boss.
LLyle
Okay, well, I'm the assistant manager, the manager's actually not here today.
Not the manager, the boss.
LLyle
You mean Mr. Fring?
LLyle
Okay, well, he's not here at the moment. Uh, I'm sure I can help you with whatever you need.
LLyle
Well, like I said, he's not here, uh... and I don't know when he'll be back. I can—I can take a message.
[Gus confronts Hector, who is sitting behind Gus's desk in his back office at Los Pollos Hermanos.]
[Hector rests his feet on Gus's desk]
Don Hector, mine is a cartel business. But it is mine. And it is legitimate. My employees are civilians. Your actions here today have endangered them, my interests, and those of the cartel.
I am the cartel. And from now on, you are my mule. You are going to bring my product north.
[Hector notices what looks like dog feces stuck at the bottom of his shoe.]
[Hector takes a pen and picks the feces off on Gus's desk.]
I understand that your supply line has been compromised, and this is most unfortunate. However, my trucks are already at maximum capacity.
[focused on his shoe] Make room.
Don Hector, you must understand that I answer to Juan Bolsa.
[still focused on his shoe] You want to cry to Bolsa, cry to Bolsa. Or hell, Eladio.
Adding more product will threaten the reliability of the entire operation. May I ask, did Don Eladio approve this?
[looks to Gus] I approve this. [rises from his seat and approaches Gus] You are doing it.
[Hector leaves the office.]
Excuse me, everyone. Could you all please take a moment and join me out here? Please, come. Come, come, come.
[Gus's employees gather around him]
I would, uh... I would like to apologize to each and every one of you, who yesterday had to endure the behavior of those men. It was unacceptable. Despite the difficult circumstances, you all acquitted yourselves impeccably. That said, if any of you wish to seek counseling due to lingering trauma, speak with me privately and it will be arranged. Also, you will all be receiving twenty-four hours of overtime, as I am sure, in one way or another, each of you brought this incident home with you. [sees one of his employees raise their hand] Yes, Lyle?
LLyle
Mr. Fring, uh... Who were those guys?
Well, some of you know that many years ago I opened my first Los Pollos Hermanos in Michoacán. Shortly thereafter, those same men showed up. They wanted money. And I—I...I'm ashamed to say that I paid them. You see, in that place, at that time, if I wished to conduct my business, I had no choice. But yesterday... Yesterday, they came here. Here. They intimidated my customers. They threatened my employees. And, again, they wanted money. Now my friends, I-I must confess that I almost gave them what they wanted. But then, I thought, "No. No. This is America." Here, the righteous have no reason to fear. Here, those men have no power. And when they saw that I had no fear of them, they ran like the cowards they are, back across the border. They will not return. We will move on from this. My friends, I promise you that together, we will prosper.
[Gus's employees applaud]
