Well, my pop always said that laughter was better than pills for what ails you.
S2A Spider in the Web
You know how I feel about telepaths.
Do I ever. You threw one out a third-story window on Io.
There was an ample pool below the window!
I'll assume you knew that.
Telepaths are gifted and cursed in ways I can never hope to understand.
There is a spider in the web, Mr. Garibaldi. And I intend to find it and kill it.
S2Soul Mates
[Practicing his greetings to Londo's wives] It is a pleasure to meet you. It is a pleasure to meet you! It is a pleasure to meet you.
[Notices Vir talking to himself and approaches] Gonna introduce me, Vir?
You must think I look odd right now... [an alien passes by with Garibaldi staring].
Well, I guess it's a little relative... [referring to the alien's strange appearance]
Actually, it's relatives. I'm here to pick up some women.
You'll have more luck at bars.
No, I...
Just kidding.
[Vir laughs]
So, who are these women? Diplomats?
Oh, Ambassador Mollari's three wives.
Whoa! A harem! The lucky dog. [a Centauri woman walks in]
Are you Vir?!
Yes!
I am Timov, daughter of Alguhl. You will take me to my husband.
I was told there'd be three of you...
[Looks at Garibaldi] Who is this?
Uhh...
No never mind. I said you'd take me. Is your hearing deficient?
No, but I do have a...
Then let's be off! [Walks away]
It is a pleasure to meet you!
[Talia gets wind of a new arrival on the station.]
Stoner? Matt Stoner?
Yeah, yeah, that was his name. Matthew.
He's not here on Babylon 5?
Is that a problem?
[Talia sighs and nods her head "yes."]
You know him?
Only in the most unpleasant sense. I was married to him.
He drags me out here, gives me no reason why he wants to see me! What's he hiding, Vir? Tell me! I won't bite, Vir.
With all due respect, madam, that's not what I heard.
All right, that one time.
It was twice.
Daggair! My, what a surprise!
A pleasant one?
I wouldn't go that far.
Madame Daggair, my pardons! This is unconscionable! I was at customs. I don't know how I could have missed you!
Believe me Vir, if you knew her as well as I do, you wouldn't miss her a bit.
Oh, Timov, Timov, why do you always try to draw me into your little verbal fencing matches?
Because I don't have a real sword handy.
Can I get you anything?
Yes!! You can get me out of here! Who does Londo think he is, keeping us sitting about?
He probably thinks he's our husband. And we, as dutiful wives, must await his return. Is that not right, Vir?
Well, actually--
You are joking, Daggair!
Your problem, Timov, is that you've never known your place.
My place?! You once threatened to break a vase over his head!
Well, haha, that was the impetuousness of youth.
That was last month! Daggair, what are you playing at?
[enters room] Well, well, here you are!
And here you are finally, where have you been?!!
Affairs of state my dear.
State of inebriation, I wager.
[Delenn struggles with her new hair.]
Commander, I want you to understand. I acquired human characteristics to bring your people and mine closer together! To symbolize our mutuality! It is supposed to be a dignified, inspiring transition for both humans and Minbari, so will you please explain to me why this, this, this...
Hair.
...refuses to cooperate?! [Ivanova gets a little closer.] I had no problems with it at first, but as time passed it...
[feels Delenn's hair] It's...pretty brittle. What are you washing it with?
Washing?
The secret of our marriage's success, Londo, is our lack of communication. You have jeopardized that success and I would know why!
You knew about this you knew!!!
I was caught completely unawares, I assure you! [To Londo] Petulant isn't she? Well, breeding will tell.
Ha! A bitch like you would know about breeding. [Daggair barely chokes down her drink, then stares daggers at Timov]
[Smiling widely] Ladies, ladies, please...Continue!
[Londo warns Captain Sheridan about Mariel.]
On Earth you have these creatures–insects attracted to flames?
Uh, yes. Moths. They're drawn to flames and bright lights and get burned.
Mariel is drawn to men of power in that same way. But trust me. She burns them!
Let's let Londo decide that.
[Referring to Daggair and herself] The both of us? Together???
If it pleases Londo, it pleases me.
No, this isn't right. Timov should be here too!
Did you seriously expect me to become involved in your sexual Olympics?
They're merely expressing their feelings for me.
I can do that. [She slaps Londo on the face...hard]
You haven't changed.
You have. You've devolved!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Babylon 5 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.