Vir Cotto quotes from Babylon 5

Do you know what the last Xon said just before he died? [clutches chest] AAAAGGGHHHH!

. . .

[A drunken Londo climbs across a dinner table as he describes a collection of Centauri statues.]

This is Ben-Zed, god of food! And...Li, goddess of passion! And Mo-goth, god of the underworld, and protector of front doors. Gods by the bushel! Gods by the pound! Gods for all occasions!!

[He leans toward a discomfited Delenn.]

Have I ever told you that you are very cute for a Minbari?

[He crawls over to Garibaldi.]

Oh! And you are cute, too, in an annoying sort of way. Everybody's cute. Everybody's cute! Even me. But in purple, I'm stunning!

[He passes out on the table.]

Vir Cotto

Ah! He has become one with his inner self!

Michael Garibaldi

He's passed out.

Vir

That too.

S1 The Parliament of Dreams

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[Vir pleads with Londo for a young star-crossed Centauri couple.]

Vir Cotto

But they love each other!

Love. Pah! Overrated.

[Londo fetches a set of three pictures of Centauri women.]

Here. Look. These are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine, and Death.[N]

. . .

They inspired me! Knowing that they were waiting for me is what keeps me here -- 75 light-years away.

S1 The War Prayer

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But this...this, this, this is like... being nibbled to death by, uh...Pah! What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet...go "quack".

Vir Cotto

Cats.

Cats! I'm being nibbled to death by cats.

S1 Chrysalis

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[A Technomage uses an illusion of a massive robotic creature to scare Vir away.]

Vir Cotto

[to the illusion] My name is Vir Cotto, diplomatic attache to ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic! My name is Vir Cotto, diplomatic attache to ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic! My name is...

Elric

Stop program. [the illusion pauses, then vanishes] You don't frighten easily.

Vir

I work for Ambassador Mollari. After a while, nothing bothers you.

S2 The Geometry of Shadows

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Vir Cotto

[Practicing his greetings to Londo's wives] It is a pleasure to meet you. It is a pleasure to meet you! It is a pleasure to meet you.

Michael Garibaldi

[Notices Vir talking to himself and approaches] Gonna introduce me, Vir?

Vir

You must think I look odd right now... [an alien passes by with Garibaldi staring].

Well, I guess it's a little relative... [referring to the alien's strange appearance]

Vir

Actually, it's relatives. I'm here to pick up some women.

You'll have more luck at bars.

Vir

No, I...

Just kidding.

[Vir laughs]

So, who are these women? Diplomats?

Vir

Oh, Ambassador Mollari's three wives.

Whoa! A harem! The lucky dog. [a Centauri woman walks in]

Are you Vir?!

Vir

Yes!

I am Timov, daughter of Alguhl. You will take me to my husband.

Vir

I was told there'd be three of you...

[Looks at Garibaldi] Who is this?

Vir

Uhh...

No never mind. I said you'd take me. Is your hearing deficient?

Vir

No, but I do have a...

Then let's be off! [Walks away]

Vir

It is a pleasure to meet you!

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He drags me out here, gives me no reason why he wants to see me! What's he hiding, Vir? Tell me! I won't bite, Vir.

Vir Cotto

With all due respect, madam, that's not what I heard.

All right, that one time.

Vir

It was twice.

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Daggair! My, what a surprise!

A pleasant one?

I wouldn't go that far.

Vir

Madame Daggair, my pardons! This is unconscionable! I was at customs. I don't know how I could have missed you!

Believe me Vir, if you knew her as well as I do, you wouldn't miss her a bit.

Oh, Timov, Timov, why do you always try to draw me into your little verbal fencing matches?

Because I don't have a real sword handy.

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Vir

Can I get you anything?

Yes!! You can get me out of here! Who does Londo think he is, keeping us sitting about?

He probably thinks he's our husband. And we, as dutiful wives, must await his return. Is that not right, Vir?

Vir

Well, actually--

You are joking, Daggair!

Your problem, Timov, is that you've never known your place.

My place?! You once threatened to break a vase over his head!

Well, haha, that was the impetuousness of youth.

That was last month! Daggair, what are you playing at?

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Morden

If restoring the Centauri Republic means nothing to you, what does? What do you want?

Vir Cotto

I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I would look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this.

[He gives Morden a mockingly cheerful finger waggle.]

Vir

Can you and your associates arrange this for me, Mr. Morden?

S2 In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum

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[Londo tells Vir about his friendship with Urza Jaddo.]

In dueling societies, it is customary for each member to be given a fighting name by his comrades! They said I fought like a crazed leati, and so they called me Paso Leati! Urza was known as Skal Tura--the silent beast! Those were great times, Vir! We were young, proud, fierce, bursting to prove ourselves to each other and to the world. Our starships ruled the spaceways, and our power was rivaled by that of the gods only! Ah, Great Maker, it was good to be a Centauri then!

Vir Cotto

Every generation of Centauri mourns for the golden days when their power was like unto the gods! It--it's counterproductive! I mean, why make history if you fail to learn by it?

You know, Vir, you have what the Earthers call a negative personality.

Vir

No, I don't.

There, you see?

S2 Knives

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Vir

Londo, this is insane!